Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

[Sammy900]

Reasonable - Of course it's fine, all the other kids are, can't keep them locked in forever, got to start somewhere, build up trust time, etc

Unreasonable - No way, don't send her to the wolves, she isn't street wise, way too young, gangs of teenagers, creeps and weirdos, county lines, worst place possible to hang out, etc

Hi

Just looking for advice, preferably from parents who have been through this before or are going through it. My daughter is 11 in Yr7 and it's time to give her some more freedom. She's had sleep overs at friends and gone to friends houses etc.

She has a phone and has been walking to and from her new secondary school with her friends so far so has been getting used to that, but not really across the park, just sticking to the streets.

Recently she has been asking to meet with some friends after school on a Friday on the park and we have a few concerns but also don't want to be strict over-bearing parents and realise we need to allow her some time out of the house to just hang around with her friends.

The issue is it's getting darker and as a local urban park usually does, attracts older kids/ teens most likely a bit of dodgy this and that going on, Friday night after dark is not safe I don't think.

She then asked to meet some friends in the day between 2-4 - we said o.k this sounds fine..who are you meeting? Bit of a sketchy answer, umm I think so and so is going, maybe ...then I asked if they could call for her so we know who it is - nope this isn't the plan. Then it turns out she wants to meet a boy in her year group and it is just going to be those two. I feel uncomfortable about this as A) never met him, not sure where he lives or anything - this is a new friend she's met at school...B) She's not yet even tried hanging out with a few of her girl mates on the park yet.

I've said no to this this time until we know who he is and she said they both understand and perhaps mums can swop numbers and arrange something. I don't want to make her feel embarrassed if this is a new boyfriend by monitoring everything and introducing parents and all that..but equally need to know where she is who she is with and safeguard her.

How the hell has this all crept up so soon!!

How does everyone else deal with it. What are your thoughts please

Cheers

Mine did, only when light though and didn't have a mobile because they were still expensive 15 years ago.

No don't ask for friends parents numbers and arrange a play date between parents, this does not happen at secondary. Fine to get an emergency number of parents just don't make arrangements for them I mean

I mean that if you show me the % all all children who go to all parks who end up being abducted or killed. It’ll be a very, very low percentage. Hence, me saying it is rare. It’s tragic and sad but thankfully rare. You cannot mitigate against every single risk to your children or they will never have a life.

Yes but we don't know where you are errors.. Why should anyone else show you this stuff?
Surely you would look up local threats?

County lines iz probably the biggest threat, where your child is turned into a terrified slave.

I certainly will once my DS gets to this age.
My point is, many on here are acting as though it’ll definitely happen and I am saying that it won’t. That whatever the stats are, it’s rare

What stats? Murder? Abduction?
What about plain bullying, attacks and county lines?

If you remember, me saying ‘it’s rare’ was on the back of some news stories specifically about stabbings.
But yes, stats on murder abduction, attacks and count lines. As someone said upthread, it’s not going to be resilient and streetwise kids from good nurturing families that will be targeted for county lines.
Bullying is another matter entirely. And largely happens over social media (still nobody has answered my question whether they’re ok with their kids having smart phones and social media if they’re not allowed to go to parks) and bullying can of course happen at school. This is another area where kids need to try and learn to stand up for themselves - again, the resilience and confidence that independence brings will help with that.
We are imparting too much fear on to our kids. It manifests in them having anxiety which will end up staying with them for life if they’re not careful.
How many of these kids will need their parents to continue to manage every aspect of the lives for them through Uni and then in to the real world?

And I have already posted about how life carries risks in all sorts of areas. You need to manage risk vs reward IMO. Anything can happen to any one of us and our kids on a daily basis.

Sorry, I just see too many people giving teenage boys a pass on cleaning up and made an assumption that was wrong.

Ooops wrong thread!

When my DD was in scouts, the last camp she went on at 11 years old, they dropper them in the middle of a forest in groups of 3 with a compass and a map and told to find their way to the campsite 8km away. They cooked their lunch on their trangia on the way. Now that was proper scouting!

Error you are wrong.

You have no idea about county lines, they do get children from nurturing happy families

Yes and this sounds great. Part of ‘all round’ independence building. I’m glad kids are still doing this stuff. But it is still an activity chosen for the kid by adults, arranged by adults, the rules are given by adults and the adults drive them there and pick them up. It’s still more regimented than allowing an 11 year old to decide when and where they meet their friends and what they’re going to do together.

So you talk to your kid about the risks then, surely? Not just stop letting them go out.
And I notice you haven’t commented on any other aspect of my post

https://www.unseenuk.org/likes-to-lines-county-lines-online-exploitation/

And is still yet another area where the risk is high on social media!!

What's there to comment on?
I'm privy to safeguarding data, you are not and you won't be budged or even look it up.

The extreme of micro managing kids lives is not true but risks are different now to when we were younger.

It also backs up my stats theory. 27,000 children are thought to be involved in county lines.
There are 7.3 million people aged 11 to 19 in this country.
That gives a percentage of 0.37% involved in county lines. I would class that as rare/

Specifically everything I have said about social media?! Which you are choosing to ignore. Being in a park is a risk but having a smart phone isn’t??

Then tell me this supposed ‘data’?
How are risks different now to when we were younger?

I literally cannot find a scrap of evidence that says that childhoods in the UK are less safe than they were 30 years ago.
I can find loads of reports about children thinking they are more unsafe than they would have been 30 years ago - largely down to having access to news and social media which points out all the bad stuff that is happening all the time. We didn’t have that when we were kids.

Kids here all have that freedom long before 11, going out with friends, biking around, going to the park etc. starts around 7 years old

Cool. Sounds well rounded in my opinion!
Im certainly not against organised activities. My own 7 year old goes to a couple. Just think it’s better as part of a bigger picture

County Lines?

Social media?

I’ve already posted about county lines and the fact that it’s tied in with social media. I meant, I cannot see a scrap of evidence that childhoods are less safe now than 30 years ago IN REAL LIFE
The topic of the thread is visiting parks.

@SLeanne if it's illegal for a child to be alone under 12 how would half of year seven get to and from school? It's not as if kids need delivering to and from secondary school by their parents?