Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

[Sammy900]

Reasonable - Of course it's fine, all the other kids are, can't keep them locked in forever, got to start somewhere, build up trust time, etc

Unreasonable - No way, don't send her to the wolves, she isn't street wise, way too young, gangs of teenagers, creeps and weirdos, county lines, worst place possible to hang out, etc

Hi

Just looking for advice, preferably from parents who have been through this before or are going through it. My daughter is 11 in Yr7 and it's time to give her some more freedom. She's had sleep overs at friends and gone to friends houses etc.

She has a phone and has been walking to and from her new secondary school with her friends so far so has been getting used to that, but not really across the park, just sticking to the streets.

Recently she has been asking to meet with some friends after school on a Friday on the park and we have a few concerns but also don't want to be strict over-bearing parents and realise we need to allow her some time out of the house to just hang around with her friends.

The issue is it's getting darker and as a local urban park usually does, attracts older kids/ teens most likely a bit of dodgy this and that going on, Friday night after dark is not safe I don't think.

She then asked to meet some friends in the day between 2-4 - we said o.k this sounds fine..who are you meeting? Bit of a sketchy answer, umm I think so and so is going, maybe ...then I asked if they could call for her so we know who it is - nope this isn't the plan. Then it turns out she wants to meet a boy in her year group and it is just going to be those two. I feel uncomfortable about this as A) never met him, not sure where he lives or anything - this is a new friend she's met at school...B) She's not yet even tried hanging out with a few of her girl mates on the park yet.

I've said no to this this time until we know who he is and she said they both understand and perhaps mums can swop numbers and arrange something. I don't want to make her feel embarrassed if this is a new boyfriend by monitoring everything and introducing parents and all that..but equally need to know where she is who she is with and safeguard her.

How the hell has this all crept up so soon!!

How does everyone else deal with it. What are your thoughts please

Cheers

Of course he cleans up. He tries. But a teenage boy isn't going to do the job to the same specification that I am happy with. I'm not going to pick on him and have a go when he has tried his best and done a good job (mostly). Why do I get the impression that some ppl are just looking for an argument on mumsnet?

We live in a lovely quaint village in a farming community with not much going on. It may seem very safe.

However, it's also very boring for kids.

Some older kids have been taking a lot of ketamine over the park. Needles have been found and a couple of young guys were trying to sell drugs to younger kids from their car.

These quiet places, a couple of hours from London (and other big cities), are where county lines dealers come to take advantage of young and naive kids who are not street wise.

I'm not trying to scaremonger but it's part of my job and very real and, sadly, has the potential to be dangerous if kids get caught up in it!

And how does a kid become streetwise?

I think if anyone takes anything away from this post.

Please remember, it's very unlikely anyone will come at your dc in a dirty rain mack in the park.

But someone with bad intentions can befriend the group and get to know them and before they know where they are someone knows an awful lot about them, address, school, family situation and your child can't even understand they are bad because they are just another pal at the park.

The guides thing sounds great, really it does. But these are still activities arranged by adults, completed under adult supervision and probably judged by adults too. This is not real independence IMO

Errors, by being allowed independence in any safe way as they get older.

Kids don't really have many places to go where they feel they've got freedom/privacy and it also costs no money. So inevitably the park will be a meeting place for kids.
I guess there could be older kids there who could bully/rob them? I guess a paedo could be lurking? But they do need to be able to go somewhere with their pals. In early secondary school they'll be making new friendships so won't necessarily want to invite kids round their house individually. Untill they know them better.

So what? A child can't legally be left alone until they are 12. Why shouldn't they be supervised to some extent?

There is no such law.

Each to their own. I'm not here to argue with people. If others want to leave their kids alone, that's up to them, at whatever age they deem appropriate.

My daughter is still at primary school. I arrange every aspect of coordinating her life. I wouldn't be doing a good job otherwise.

Reminder that Brianna Ghey was stabbed to death in a park in Warrington - not London - by kids she thought were her friends. And only today this in Hull: Girl, 13, is fighting for her life after being stabbed and collapsing in woodland, 6 teenagers arrested. It is their mates, not nasty strangers.

Horrible stories. But rare, hence being in the news

Every aspect? Every single one?
My child is 7 and is allowed to ride up and down our quiet cul de sac with the neighbours kids when he wants. Does that make me a bad parent?
Or what about when I send him up to the counter in the soft play to buy his own snack so he can learn this little skill?

Or when he is a little older; and I plan on keeping the front door open and he can come in and out as he pleases but I give him some boundaries to stick to?

Tbh not so rare. Here is another one just from today www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gxj7ygglyo.amp

Says who?! There really is no such law.
I am not talking about leaving an 11 year old at home by themselves while you go off on holiday for a week. Clearly that would be neglect… but there is a balance. Organising every single aspect of your child’s life, filling it with adult supervised activities that you personally drive them to and from is not going to teach them any resilience.
Before you know it, they will be off to uni and won’t be resilient enough to handle being away from home.
I am a millennial and I was out hanging around with my mates at ages 11. Getting the bus by myself, walking to places, obviously not being tracked as there was no such thing. I am one of the most resilient people I know. I moved out of home at 17. I have travelled the world. I have worked my arse off and gotten a great career despite only getting a few GCSEs. Stuff doesn’t phase me as much as it does my friends who were molly coddled. I am so glad my parents didn’t police my every move growing up

So, three?
Get me a statistic that shows these horror stories as a percentage of the number of children who go to parks and I may start to believe you.
Statistically, kids are more likely to die in a car crash or get groomed by a family member or some weirdo online.

And still nobody has answered my question about whether the kids that aren’t allowed to go on parks are allowed to use snap chat with reckless abandon

I don’t know why I am even discussing this sometimes. My boy is going to grow up so independent and resilient in a world where most others won’t. He will be just fine.

I'm 50 and have a degree from a 'proper university' from the time

I travelled alone with my mates when I was 17 to my parents' house in Portugal. We went to nightclubs. I don't need to go into details but no way would I allow that

I don’t get your point?

Why?
People to need to accept that your kids WILL rebel against you at some point. We all did with our parents. It’s developmentally normal. Better for them to have some resilience and street smarts so that the rebellious course they choose won’t be catastrophic

I travelled alone with my mates to a static caravan site in the south of france when I was 17. We met some other girls and boys the same age. We were fine despite drinking a bit too much and at least one of us having sex whilst there. I think that is young. But we were actually relatively sensible and looked after ourselves pretty well. It was a little bit of a dry run for university.

I was clubbing abroad from age 14 ds I wouldn’t be ok with the clubbing. I was fine but I took stupid risks with myself and was a honey pot for older men: Girls were given a free drink at every club to entice boys / men in.

None of these things are possible nowadays anyway as you have to have at least one 18 year old in the group and prove your age to go into clubs or buy alcohol. I don’t really understand the relevance of not allowing something, which isn’t possible.

Would I be ok for dd to do these things when she is 17? No. But I wasn’t vulnerable in the same way as my dd. I don’t have a medical condition, where I go unconscious and my heart stops beating then am unable to move for an hour or two and can be unwell for almost a week. I didn’t have anorexia. She will be doing them at 18. She’s already dry run planning. My job is to get her ready for that.

@Errors what do you mean provide me some statistics and I'll start to believe you?

Surely you've done your due diligence yourself before working out what to do with the situation?

Why not look up local threats, speficically county lines in your area