Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

[Sammy900]

Reasonable - Of course it's fine, all the other kids are, can't keep them locked in forever, got to start somewhere, build up trust time, etc

Unreasonable - No way, don't send her to the wolves, she isn't street wise, way too young, gangs of teenagers, creeps and weirdos, county lines, worst place possible to hang out, etc

Hi

Just looking for advice, preferably from parents who have been through this before or are going through it. My daughter is 11 in Yr7 and it's time to give her some more freedom. She's had sleep overs at friends and gone to friends houses etc.

She has a phone and has been walking to and from her new secondary school with her friends so far so has been getting used to that, but not really across the park, just sticking to the streets.

Recently she has been asking to meet with some friends after school on a Friday on the park and we have a few concerns but also don't want to be strict over-bearing parents and realise we need to allow her some time out of the house to just hang around with her friends.

The issue is it's getting darker and as a local urban park usually does, attracts older kids/ teens most likely a bit of dodgy this and that going on, Friday night after dark is not safe I don't think.

She then asked to meet some friends in the day between 2-4 - we said o.k this sounds fine..who are you meeting? Bit of a sketchy answer, umm I think so and so is going, maybe ...then I asked if they could call for her so we know who it is - nope this isn't the plan. Then it turns out she wants to meet a boy in her year group and it is just going to be those two. I feel uncomfortable about this as A) never met him, not sure where he lives or anything - this is a new friend she's met at school...B) She's not yet even tried hanging out with a few of her girl mates on the park yet.

I've said no to this this time until we know who he is and she said they both understand and perhaps mums can swop numbers and arrange something. I don't want to make her feel embarrassed if this is a new boyfriend by monitoring everything and introducing parents and all that..but equally need to know where she is who she is with and safeguard her.

How the hell has this all crept up so soon!!

How does everyone else deal with it. What are your thoughts please

Cheers

Surely it's dependent on the area you live in, no?

There's always a balance to be had.

Thankyou.

I allowed it from year 8. Dd1 never did - always hung out at home or friends houses, dd2 is the same but dd3 had a group of friends who hung in the park. Honestly, I hated it but that was about me not her. She’s now year 9 and split from that group as they are in the park smoking weed (age 13) and dd is a dancer with asthma so doesn’t want anything to do with it.

Yes 100%, the actual area and its dynamics is what matters really. Also, how the friends are. It is a lot, because at that age we do not know the new friends thay made in secondary, so taking these decisions here and now.... is not easy.
Having said that, activities like football, dance, cadets and so on are a good option indeed. Not to remove the park, but to complement it.

I would be ok with it, in daylight only. My kids have to walk through a park to get home, in the summer they might linger for a bit.

No way!!

At least get him to pick her up from yours and walk down there together. Or drop them both off together and pick them up?

Are you sure it's someone from school and not someone shes met online?

Park during the day is fine but not at night, they won't want to hang around outside soon as it'll get colder.

I would make your house the teen house, a well stocked fridge and freezer with chips, pizza and snacks, a private space for them to chill out and you pretending you don't exist other than to bring food in a timely fashion.

It would very much depend on the park to me.

We are in SW London and in both of our local parks, despite them always having families around and people playing sports etc, several times regularly younger teens have been held up at knifepoint by older teens and had their phones stolen in broad daylight.

I never would have worried about them going to the park before this. Possibly I was being naive!

It really depends where you live. We live in a low crime, residential area, the parks are overlooked by houses and lots of kids hangout there, with the older ones not coming out until much later. One of the parks we can even see from our house so we've been happy for them to go since y6, but that's based on all those factors and every situation is different

No in London; knives weed and gangs potentially. Even if the area is nice, you have gangs who come from pretty far to rob rich kids.

I was going to say "no" but I suppose really it depends on the park. Some parks might be fine but it's a difficult balance. If a park is really busy, guaranteed there will be a lot of perverts about. If a park is quiet, the perverts are more dangerous because they can attack with less risk of being witnessed. It's probably a good idea to hang around the park yourself at different times of the day to get a sense of the "vibe" of the place. Also what sort of park is it, a big open space or one with areas of tree cover? There's one near me where it's basically normal people to one side of the footpath that runs down the middle and perverts hiding in the trees and bushes the other side.

Depends where you live as others have said.

The area I'm in is not nice and I would not walk through the local park myself in the evening let alone DS at age 11. I waited until he was older.

No way. We live in a “decent” residential area…I wasn’t allowed to do it, neither was I…my mum had an open house and regularly had up to 8-10 of our friends in, and we were the same with our kids.
I never minded how many we had in the house, but absolutely no “hanging about” in parks.

My job means I know too much about what goes on when kids-even the well behaved ones-hang about in parks, especially in the dark

Thankyou everyone for understanding the dilemma. I think with the issue today about her just meeting one boy, her new boyfriend on the park I felt uncomfortable making that leap. I explained that it would be quite irresponsible to let her go and meet someone we have no idea who he is or where he lives, and she understands that. Not saying that they can't hang out together but with the added dangers of her going out for the first time on the park too is just a bit much.

I think it's best to start with her meeting some friends who are familiar, we know where they live and the parents already from primary school and let her hang out in the day only for a few hours and take it from there.

We've had many chats before about safety and when so spot if someone is dodgy or to question what a strangers interest is in them, especially if older and what to do if she feels uncomfortable, etc. She is a sensible kid.

It's just really nerve wrecking (for me) as she is only young really but we've got to allow her to learn herself and could potentially cause problems by keeping her in all the time and safe all the time and I don't want to parent like that. I'd be rebelling as well and sneeking out if my parents tried that tactic with me and then that's even more problematic.

I have no problem at all about her hanging out at home or at a friends house...we used to do a lot of this when we were younger (but then I remember we used to say we were playing out in the street then sneek off to the park and not say!)

There were dangers then but I feel like there are many more these days! I know the school are hot on teaching them about online safety but not sure about outdoor safety - I'll enquire

I’ve been threatened with a knife in two nice parks in London. Reality is that there are some frightening people in them. And I am an adult.

Poll is saying 50/50 at the moment...seems like everyone else is just as torn as me!

It is an urban area we live in but not a major City, not London...doesn't mean there isn't dodgy activity - there is a short cut through the park for me to come home on my bike at night and I avoid it every time.

My 12 year old has been allowed to go to the local park since she was 6.

Since she was 11 she goes on the bus to the cinema or swimming.

Which is completely normal where I live in Scotland

No, cos she’s too young to be going off with a boy with no one else around.

Costa exists for this reason.

11 years old and a boyfriend. Come on now I'm sure there are many better things she could be doing than this to round out her personality. Groups of friends are ok.

I would be the same as you OP. Fine if they want to go into town or to bowling or whatever where there are plenty of people around in case there's any kind of problem but as she hasn't even hung out at the park with a group of friends yet then I'd probably say no to that for now.
Also, it depends what your local park is like. Is it small and at the end of your road, or huge and a way away.
My local park is huge with woods, a lake, play park, playing fields etc and I wouldn't want my 11 yr old there, certainly not once it gets dark!

11?
No.

Not after dark at all and not in the daytime with someone you don't know from Adam.

My DC is 11 very very soon 😭 and no chance around here.
we are in London and I don’t see me allowing her that freedom anytime soon BUT she isn’t street smart and is very very timid. Only you know your daughter

I'm not quite sure what your poll means but think it's reasonable to let her go to the park in daylight hours.

My kids were always out and about but we live in a very safe rural village. I would not let them hang out in an urban park after dark.
in at dimpsey/in at streetlights!

There are parks and there are parks.

Never had this with dc1 (a shut in) so had to learn with dd, whilst also being aware how important it is to fit in.

Parks in the day- yes. But you all stay together, avoid anyone who looks dodgy etc.
Woods: again, only as a group (woods used as a shortcut).
Hanging around supermarket carpark: no.
Out at night? Not when it's dark.

Her current group of friends are wanderers. They would like to be with the cool kids, but just aren't., so they wander around instead. I would like dd not to be friends with them, but am staying schtum. Ish. They wander in the evenings and I've seen them in various places, but dd isn't interested in aimless wandering.