Why are all MILs so horrible?

[Janey638]

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL? For years I’ve been a bit of a lurker on this site and I’m shocked by the amount of MIL posts, hardly any about the maternal mum. It looks like MILs are too overbearing if they want to hold a new baby, or too remote if they keep their distance. As a mum to three boys this all really depresses me. Literally does everyone hate their MIL?

My MIL was wonderful and treated me like the daughter she never had. She died of cancer and I miss her every day and I’m so thankful for her raising DH to be the lovely amazing man that he is. She was one of the most amazing, kind, loving, funny, down to earth people I’ve ever known. I genuinely loved her.

My ex MIL was/is lovely. So was FIL. It was their son I had the issue with 🤣 (divorced him).

Also, my own mum is an amazing MIL to my brother’s wife. Obviously she doesn’t love SIL as much as she loves me, but it’s pretty close. I think she prefers SIL to my DB sometimes and I don’t blame her 😂

I think it's to do with post partum hormones. In laws want lots of access to new baby but mum is very protective. It's probably a survival / cave woman thing as it seems very common these MIL threads here post partum.

I've had two mothers in law for the price of one - my husband's adoptive mother and his birth mother whom we traced when husband was 70. Both were lovely and we got on very well. I loved them both. Am a MIL myself and would love to see more of our two daughters in law - but distance prevents it. But we get on well when we do meet.

Mine is absolutely lovely.

Well, I like my MIL, she loves my sons. She's a great grandmother to them. We get on pretty well. You'll only hear negatives on here. Not many people are going to make a thread "MIL is great," are they?

My ex MIL law was lovely, shame her son was not at all.

I love my MIL but my SIL (my DH brothers wife) has a really difficult relationship with her so I can imagine her on here saying she is a terrible MIL. MIL loves me and we get on well but she really dislikes SIL. Partly as SIL is a bit of an attention seeker and makes everything about her but also MIL often will give unwanted parenting advice. I always just nodded and ignored but SIL will speak her mind. Neither are bad people it is just a clash of personalities.

It's just that people are more likely to vent about the bad MILs! You'd also assume from the forums that all men are cheats or at very least useless.
My MIL actually is a nightmare, but she's always been awful and it didn't change after I met her 😅on, but several of my close friends have amazing relationships with their MILs. I hate the nonsense of "a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is only a son until he meets a wife"

My mil is lovely and not at all overbearing. My dm is also lovely but has at times been a little overbearing.

My MIL was very kind to me.
Let us get on with it, didn't judge, seemed to like having me around, enjoyed her DGC.

@ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews - would you mind expanding on why you feel this way? It's so lovely to hear, as the mother of boys!

I love my MIl more than I did my own mum in so many ways. Please don't worry, the fact that you do worry likely means you will get it right!

I also love my MIL. She is kind and warm and lovely to talk to. She absolutely adores our children and makes a huge effort to spend time with them and do loads of lovely activities with them.

We don’t live near them so they don’t do childcare but they live round the corner from my DH’s brother and his family and they see them and their kids almost every day. She is also a lovely MIL to my SisIL.

my SIL (married to DBro) gets on brilliantly with my mum (who is also lovely).

My MIL is lovely. Some MIL are toxic but I also think in many cases its give and take. Some MIL described on MN sound generally terrible but some DIL also sound toxic and unwilling to compromise imo

I don’t see how anyone can only be an awful MiL. We are the same person who is or isn’t a great mother.

I'm sure it's been said but what help and advise do you need if you have a great mill?

I have a great mil, so do I. Conversation ends.

Unfortunately a bad mil can break up a marriage, cause deep issues and problems (fil of course as well) and be a huge problem some couples can't overcome.

They can destroy relations between husband and wife and mums and children.
So yes people who suffer come here to get help (like me)

To free ourselves we often have to challenge our own beliefs and morals and values because all most of us want is a happy family including grandparents who love our dc and our husbands and partners.

@Standin many reasons!
Jelsousy is the main one, being pushed out (their perspective) and it's usually the really bossy ones who can't take no that are the problems.

The easy going understanding ones are usually fine.
They ask questions, they don't "foist", force use emotional blackmail etc.

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL?

Yeah, but if you are a mother of girls then you remain the epitome of sweetness and love 🙄

Some people are simply not nice. Some of those become MILs.

My ex MIL and I didn’t get on right away but we did form a good friendship until ex H and I separated. She’s a fab grandma to DS even if we aren’t close now.

My current MIL is so lovely. She’s just amazing, generous, supportive, funny, kind. Just so lovely. Treats DS (her step grandson) exactly as her other grandchildren. Wonderful woman. I adore her.

It's the dynamic, some mils find it easier to get in with a man than another woman

I have a brilliant MIL, not quite as close as my own mum and I, but it’s pretty good. She likes me and I like her. Sometimes she does something that’s totally off the wall, but DH and I just laugh and help her out. She’s an amazing grandmother to our children and although she’s not the world’s best cook, she makes nice enough meals (I can always grab something on the way home) and tries her best. Genuinely a lovely lady and a nice person. Nothing wrong with that. That’s exactly how I want to be!

Honestly? More than half the time its the Daughters-in -Law who are the problem.

I don’t know. Why are all DILs so horrible?