To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Having children is not an obligation. Bringing them up decently is.

Childfree being basically responsible for child abuse due to using childfree is a new one

Actually I sort of agree. It's obviously true that children are a burden and obligation of course. But it's a pretty horrible thing to say. Why's it ok to say it about children but not elderly relatives for example. THAT would have people jumping up and down crying agism, surely.

‘Dogfree’ - now there’s a concept I can get on board with! 🤣
You’re absolutely right though, that’s a great analogy.

Having them is still an obligation, even if you aren’t contributing to raising them you are obligated by the state to pay for them financially.

But nobody’s obliged to have them - the obligations only come once you’ve got them.

And those are the obligations people without kids are free from.

If you put forward a statement as fact, it's for you to back it up with sources - not the person asking you about it who has never seen any evidence of it. If you can't provide evidence of this, my assumption would be that you don't have any. It's not up to me to back up your side of the argument with facts!

"If I asked Polly to tell me about herself, she might say "I'm a swimmer, I have a cat, I have a degree in Spanish.". But not "I don't play bowls, I don't have a budgie and I don't have a maths degree."

It's not a great analogy because Polly's 'don'ts' in the example are all relatively niche things, that no one would assume (in everyday circumstances) someone had or did, whereas 4/5 of women in the UK have children. You wouldn't think it odd if Polly described herself as 'single' for example, or 'homeless' because more women have a partner and a home than don't.

When I'm meeting some of my friends I'll say I'm child free on this date..

It's really down to the interpreter x

Excuse me, my children are NO burden to me. Infact, I've had 2 & another on the way, so keep that your opinion for yourself.

Congratulations. If I knew you I’d be working on a baby blanket.

But that doesn’t mean that a lot of us aren’t self-aware enough to realise that children would be a burden to us.

Yes I didn't mean people are obliged to have children, quite the opposite. Just once you have them, you do have obligations and responsibilities.

If you don't, you are child free.

I think childfree is fine, until you get the small minority who want to make such a point about how awful the idea of having children is. Like standing in front of ten dog owners, announcing how dogs are foul, and portraying superiority at being "dogfree.". It naturally gets people's backs up. It's sneering at their life, in a "ewwww who would ever want that thing that you have" way, then doing this faux naive "I have no idea why that would offend anyone.". Granted that's only a few people that behave like that... But alas, they tend to be the constant loud voices on the subject, and they unfortunately do the majority a disservice.

And how about these “dogfree” people choosing to join an online forum ‘by and for’ dog owners, ‘to improve the lives’ of dog owners, who then populate this forum with threads about how those calling themselves “dogfree” deserve more prominence and respect for their choice to go “dogfree” and call themselves “dogfree”.

Its antagonistic behaviour.

This thread was started by someone who thinks that childfree people shouldn’t get to describe themselves. It wasn’t started by a childfree person.

Please feel free to link me to the other threads you’re on about, though.

(We also have our own board and MNHQ has made it very clear we’re welcome here, so perhaps take up your concerns with them.)

On the other hand, suppose I am buying on e-Bay and see one of the many adverts saying an item comes from a 'pet free home'. Do I, as the owner of pets:

A. Become enraged that the seller is suggesting my home is inferior because it has pets in it.
B. Take this as a piece of factual information that it's reasonable to include, because more than 50% of UK households include pets.

Guess what, the answer is B.

I dont see any childfree people on MN behaving like that. The " Mners without children" forum is exceptionally sane and suppportive.
There are people on the internet who do behave like that but they are few and far between.

I never understand the need for a term for this. What's wrong with 'I don't have children'? It's totally neutral and factual without any value or judgement!

A lot of us have explained on this thread.

That is said so that the buyers knows there will be no allergy-causing saliva or fur, claw-marks, etc on the item. It is not the seller defining themselves as a person.

There are plenty of examples on this thread.

Instead of defining those of us who don’t have kids in terms of what we are “lacking” (childfree, childless, non parent)… how about we are just referred to as “people”?

It’s not remotely relevant to me, I am just living my life as I have always done. At what point did I earn the label “childfree”? When others had kids? When I reach a certain age?

Also the forum for mumsnetters without children mercifully had its name changed from “childfree mumsnetters” - you can still see it in the URL.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters/5164641-best-part-of-being-childfree

Maybe for you, definitely not for me.

Its a goady thread by an OP who has not returned, purely to stir up a fight between those with children and those without.

Boy, has it worked.

If you think people are sneering at you for having children, that's your own inferiority complex taking over. I have children and dont care what anyone thinks of that choice.

That’s because some weren’t sure it included them and it’s an inclusive board for women who don’t have children for any reason not just because they’re childfree.