Friend's daughters are so rude

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A bit of a delicate situation. My best friend has 2 teenager daughters, neither of whom say so much as "thank you" when I send them birthday/Christmas presents. In the past, I would always ask her what the girls would like for presents and friend would give me a few ideas. But in last couple of years I've stopped bothering to ask because I never get a thank you anyway. The girls have quite niche hobbies, so presents were usually centered around those. I'd order from specialist suppliers. It ended up being expensive and totally thankless so I've just started to send them a bit of chocolate and bath sets etc. AIBU to think it's just rude not to say thank you? My own kids are the same age as hers and I've always made sure they either write or message people to say thank you for gifts.

If someone gives me a gift I’ll send an email,text ot I’ll call. No handwritten notes
As a child was compelled to write thank you notes and I hated it,swore I’d not do it as an adult (I don’t)

This. The last wedding I went to, everyone got a nice WhatsApp thank you with a photo of the day. It doesn't take much.

Same here (as my comment above) they had a box so all cards went in that therefore no thanks on receiving it, though they wouldn't know you had put money in the card anyways ...

😂

But presumably you haven't opened it?

Well. That’s certainly clear. No dubiety there

Totally agree with you OP. We have 8 Nieces/Nephews and a Great Niece (all from the same side of the family) who we always bought for at Christmas and Birthdays. Despite them spending half their lives on their phones to their mates, they are incapable of even sending a WhatsApp to say thank you so we've stopped buying. Saves us a few £££ each year. We have one Nephew on the other side who always picked the phone up (obviously prompted by parents when he was younger) to say thank you and tell us what he'd got/done for his birthday. We continued buying for him until he was 18 and will do 21st etc.

What does she give you?

I guess depends whether their parents have instilled in them the need the write a thank you letter (or text/ call / in person version of thank you).

My sister is the same, never acknowledges presents, doesn't get her kid to. Didn't even thank us for the wedding present we gave her (whether by letter / text / verbally) which I find so rude especially as it was expensive, something they asked for, and we spent probably £500+ on attending their wedding. I always get my son to send thank yous, in fact we do from the whole family, but nothing in return despite sending presents we put a LOT of thought into. It's so rude!

Are you sure her kids aren't just saying thank you to your kids for the gift and they haven't passed that on?

Moving forward, I would suggest :

• Before your DDs birthday, say to friend that you don’t need to do gifts anymore
• If the girls still want to buy presents for each other. Then let them do that. That way, you won’t be upset about a thank you card.
• If they don’t want to do that, fine. Just send a card from all the family and leave it at that.
• If the friend insists on still buying presents for your DD, then when it comes to this child’s birthday- transfer money to the mum and ask her to arrange the present. Don’t put any thought or care into it, other than sending a card.

I'd stop sending them stuff and if my friend asked me about it, I'd say it seemed like a waste of money because they clearly didn't like the gifts.

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I like your style, funny and direct

Unfortunately a lot of teenagers are like this nowadays. I think it's because their parents have never installed in them the importance of day thank you.

My DD were raised to send thank you notes the next day so it didn't become a chore hanging over their head. They are married women now and still do it. They are actually more disciplined about it than I am.

with younger people I send gifts to I nearly always get a text /whatsapp thanking me or a video of them opening it and saying thank you. I think nowadays that's enough. Written mail is very old fashioned - not to mention expensive!

The only person who doesn't regularly thank me is my nephew. I've only ever got one thank you from him (for an unusually extravagant gift). That's not his fault - he doesn't know any better. He's just been badly bought up.

I agree with the suggestion that you and friend agree to stop doing presents for one another's children. That usually happens quite naturally as they grow up anyway.

Of course it’s about giving the present, which is why I still buy them presents. But I also think it’s about teaching kids the concept of gratitude rather than entitlement. To say nothing of knowing whether they’ve actually received it or not!

They might just said : oh how nice , to their mother,
expecting her to pass the Thanks.

I cannot see how the girls are rude , they might be angels. How often do you see them and hear them conversing at all

And?

You get given a gift. You thank them for it. Does it matter what it is?

If you expect gushing thanks over the gift then you've brought it for yourself not them really

But even though you had never met them and knew nothing about them you were happy to take the gifts!

Well it's polite to thank someone for giving you something ( like you do the postie or the Amazon driver) but it's polite to thank the person for the actual gift.
Why would you not?
It takes time money and effort to choose and wrap a gift.

Honestly I found the whole thing really awkward and could have done without it. I know that makes me sound really ungrateful and I never voiced this to my parents.

My mum didn't send thankyou cards, me neither, and neither do my kids.

What I do do is to remember what people gifted and bring it up and say thankyou the next time I see them. So for example, oh my goodness, the flowers looked lovely on my kitchen table, thankyou so much for that Sharon! It is so appreciated.

I think because I never experienced thankyou cards as a child I feel they're a bit over the top. It really doesn't bother me at all if people don't thank me for stuff though. I don't think I've ever gotten a specific thankyou for a wedding present, but I'm touched when you get the photos through and I get thanked for attending. It's not necessary for me though. I'm just happy I was invited!