Friend's daughters are so rude

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A bit of a delicate situation. My best friend has 2 teenager daughters, neither of whom say so much as "thank you" when I send them birthday/Christmas presents. In the past, I would always ask her what the girls would like for presents and friend would give me a few ideas. But in last couple of years I've stopped bothering to ask because I never get a thank you anyway. The girls have quite niche hobbies, so presents were usually centered around those. I'd order from specialist suppliers. It ended up being expensive and totally thankless so I've just started to send them a bit of chocolate and bath sets etc. AIBU to think it's just rude not to say thank you? My own kids are the same age as hers and I've always made sure they either write or message people to say thank you for gifts.

MN etiquette isn't always "normal"

Thanking when handed should be plenty but MN expects thanks afterwards too

No-one on here has said that? Thanks at the time, or if you don't see them, by text or WhatsApp.

I cannot abide not getting a thank you and have stopped getting things for people who cant be arsed saying thanks.
2 wedding recently, not a thank you to be seen.
Everything you could possible want in the way of a wedding, everything pinterest had to offer for "the perfect wedding" on display, absolutely beautiful.
but not a thankyou note to be seen.
Really poor behaviour IMO.

I was always brought up to send thank you cards but they are pointless! Your relationship is with their mother so you are buying presents for them out of responsibility. You can't be bothered to get something that they will like because it's too much bother. So what are they actually supposed to be saying thank you for. Would you expect the same if it was an adult friend? I'm sure you get a thank you when you hand over the gift or a text from the mum.

Clearly you weren’t raised with many social graces yourself.

its just good manners-another old fashioned thing we would be worse off without.

Extremely rude but I would just stop sending anything tbh

I wouldn't expect another thank you if I handed over a gift and got a thank you. But when you post something for 18 years and never get a thank you?!

If your friend buys for your dd then I would still buy gifts for her, but I'd not go out of my way with their gifts.

Both DDs were taught to write thank yous. They haven't encouraged DGSs to do the same. Infuriating and rude.

This is an excellent response. OP, if you just stop buying presents then they'll all think there's something up but they won't know why.

I am embarrassed to say that when I was in my early 20s and very self absorbed with university and getting to grips with living on my own etc., my own manners were not always impeccable, and I received a few nudges very much as @user1492757084 has described, from close relatives, and they worked.

It is rude but one of my most hated childhood memories is being forced to write thank you letters so I could never make mine do it. Now they're grown, I generally encourage a text.

So how would you show you are grateful for the gift? I don't even get a text!

With teens I'd just stop at 16 or 18. Let your friend know you're stopping because of their age. She might stop buying for your daughter but it seems as good a time as any.

Yes of course they should say thank you, but none of us are perfect.

Some people have asked why saying ‘thank you ‘ matters. My view is that kids need to be taught to think of others and saying ‘thank you’ is just part of that. I don’t care what form it takes but I expect a brief text if present not given in person.

That's fine, it's still a thank you.

Kids today are just so fucking spoilt they simply don't appreciate gifts in the way I did (child of the 70s and no money). And the parents who don't force them to write a text that will take 2 seconds are lazy feckers. Manners are important.

I dont get that at all, I was taught, not forced.
In what way forced?

Dd and I have had the conversation about thank you notes for her wedding, she ordered them along with the save the dates and invites, its not hard like. How do people not factor this in to weddings?

My niece and nephew have never, not once in the 30 and 26 years respectively they have been alive said Thankyou for a Christmas or birthday present, usually at about £50 a pops and things from their lists suggested by their Mother, my sister. They have certainly never bought a reciprocal gift or anything for my children even. I never expected a note, but a quick text when they were older, or a message on the family wattsapp- takes three seconds.
I'm not buying for them at all this year. They are well in to adulthood. And they should know better and get some manners IMO.

Just Give a gift without expectation of a handwritten note to say thank you then you’ll not be disappointed
But it’s mumsnet I await a flurry of posters extolling the manners of their own children who send handwritten thoughtful notes
As an adult I don’t send handwritten note for gifts so I’d not expect it of children or adolescents .Seems like a moribund affectation,frankly

Again - who on here has the expectation of a handwritten note?! No-one.

@Peppermintpattern same ! My Mum would rescue the To:/From: labels off the paper and write on each one what the gift was.

What a depressing attitude. It's basic manners, especially if someone has spent time and effort as well as money on picking out something they know you will like. Haven't RTFT but if you've got kids and you're bringing them up with this attitude, don't be surprised if people stop giving them anything. Most people say thank you in some form or another for gifts.

OP isn’t asking for a thank you written on parchment with a quill pen.
Just a quick text or voice note acknowledgment would be good mannered and thoughtful when someone has taken the trouble and expense to send a gift.