Friend's daughters are so rude

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A bit of a delicate situation. My best friend has 2 teenager daughters, neither of whom say so much as "thank you" when I send them birthday/Christmas presents. In the past, I would always ask her what the girls would like for presents and friend would give me a few ideas. But in last couple of years I've stopped bothering to ask because I never get a thank you anyway. The girls have quite niche hobbies, so presents were usually centered around those. I'd order from specialist suppliers. It ended up being expensive and totally thankless so I've just started to send them a bit of chocolate and bath sets etc. AIBU to think it's just rude not to say thank you? My own kids are the same age as hers and I've always made sure they either write or message people to say thank you for gifts.

I disagree really. If I send a present I don't need a thank you.

It was about the giving of the gift.

That's slightly different to two teens with all the time in the world seemingly unable to spend 20 seconds sending a whatsapp saying "Thanks for the present"

My point is the same no matter who it is.

I don't think people should expect a thank you.

It's about the gift of giving.

People forget though. And sometimes people are stressed too.

And sometimes people are just rude and entitled and cba.

@Spirallingdownwards Yes 100% this!

It’s so rude. Honestly I would not be happy to carry on.
Just say to friend kids are too old for presents now, let’s them out and do something fun instead each year.

People shouldn’t accept gifts if they can’t manage basic manners!

Then just stop buying them presents if it offends people so much.

I bought my teenage nice a necklace last year. I gave it to her mother.

My niece didn't thank me. I didn't care. I saw her wear it later so I know she liked it, and I'm glad that she did

Also I sense all of those saying I don’t need a thank you are the same ones that never bother!

So helpful.

Then I really do think its on the mum. Even if the kids don't want to do it, she should make them. She's seen its important to you, as your kids say thank you. She should mirror this. I wouldn't be impressed with her either really.

If the present is handed in person, a thank you upon receiving it would suffice for me. If it has been posted / birthday girl isn’t there when the actual gift arrives, then yes, it’s good manners to send a thank you text. However, in my culture a message from the parent would be more than enough, even if the “child” is a teen or young adult.

I don’t support additional thank you cards if the words have already been said in person, but if they’re just ignoring the gifts altogether, YANBU to consider stopping the presents.

So get with the trend and send a short text or video. My 8yo would do this so no excuse.

I wasn't referring to once or occasionally (especially with a new baby!) - but habitually to never say thank you @sofialiliy11 , but still expect/feel entitled to receive. Especially when the person giving is right there with you!

Also OP never mentioned expecting a hand written note as the only method. All methods of saying thanks are good. DC often preferred to write to people he didn't know well as they didn't want to speak to them on the phone or get into a text exchange. Usually though they would call or text to say thank you. They would always say thank you though (as I bloody well made sure they did until it was ingrained!).

I think totally the opposite to you. If someone has spent time and trawled the shops to find the ideal thoughtful gift for you, and you can't even be bothered to thank them for it... what a reflection on that person.

Too busy my arse... it takes seconds to send a thank you

I've been to two weddings recently, one was my brothers step daughter and one was my DH foster sister's son, so not immediate family, which doesn't make a difference, we put a good amount of money in the envelopes for them both and not one sent thanks ... I find it downright rude, I've changed my attitude towards them now.

@sofialiliy11 I disagree, we should expect a thank you, I wouldn't dream of not thanking someone for a gift or anything that someone has made an effort to do for me.

Have a think about your motivations and why you're giving them gifts in the first place, and tailor your gift giving accordingly.

Yes it's good manners to say thankyou. You know you're not going to get one. Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results isn't going to end well, I'd be doing a zero thought gift that you don't feel attached to a thankyou for, if you don't want to call the exchange off all together.

Shocking, I always got a set of thank you cards in my stocking from Santa (my mum) to write out and post after Christmas to everyone who’d been kind enough to get me a gift. It was just part of the tradition of the season.

Yeah you're entitled to your opinion

I don't know, I guess it's just something that wouldn't really bother me at all.

I got my brother a present last year at Christmas and he forgot to get me one. And I didn't give a shit.

As I always say to my mum, it's the spending time together that's more important than presents

You can expect it. But you can only control your behaviour. Not anyone elses

We're both entitled to our opinion.

I am specifically talking about presents posted to someone you don't see regularly (as I said in my first post)... never hearing if it even got there, let alone thanked for it is really rude
Just my opinion of course.

It's so easy nowadays to text, WA etc, I just don't know why people can't be bothered. Maybe I'm just an old trout who thinks... here we are, another thing to go in the don't care world we live in!

Do you think its different in different cultures.

Why is a thank you so important?

It can be nice if you get one, but it's definitely not worth getting upset over if you don't get one

I think people aren't intentionally rude a lot of the time though.

Things probably pop up and they probably forget to do it.

No, I wouldn't be buying for teenagers who can't be arsed to thank the sender. No one is suggesting a formal letter, a quick text would do!

Stop sending stuff?

Not rocket science

Do you think its different in different cultures.

^

No. It's the same. Say thanks.