To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

If you don't want to go, don't go, but lot's of people go to weddings where they aren't that familiar with the people there in order to support their spouse/partner and have a good time as a couple/family in your own right.

Unless there's a history of crippling social anxiety, then I'd be disappointed if I was your husband and these were the excuses you were coming out with for not going, it's insulting to lie about your reasons.

Part of getting married is joining in your spouse’s family celebrations. You may not know the bride well, but that is irrelevant. You are her aunt by marriage and you belong at her wedding at your husband’s side.

@RenoDakota I would imagine they would sit hubby and I together? We just had one table so no idea!

Your life must be exhausting, OP, with all these entrenched ideas. It’s deeply ordinary to have a niece by marriage you only met well into adulthood. Are you really planning to refuse a wedding invitation from your DH’s niece because you’ve not met the man she’s marrying and you think they’d be better off spending the money they’d have spent on you on their honeymoon?

What a peculiar view, I'd love to hear some more you may have op, I am fascinated by your minset.

I would check in with the OH, if he wants you to go, then go, with whatever reasonable adjustments you decide between you. If he is not bothered about you going, and you are not really wanting to go, then come up with a nice story about how it is going to be just him this time. That's it really. I would probably add that the bride and groom have done the right thing by inviting you both (even if they are not fully appreciating the dilemma it has caused you) because the alternative is probably worse, that you simply are not invited. Decide quickly, give them the heads up, and then that is the job done.

He's likely not the one inviting you. Your niece is.

Shes invited her uncle, her aunt (even if it is just as his wife) and her cousin.

That's what many, many, many families do.

If your husband wants you to go then you should go, rather than making it all about you and what you think weddings should or shouldn't be.

Your niece clearly thinks they should be full family occasions.

You married later in life. So you’re not very young and naive. How many weddings have you been to? This is bizarre.

So did you invite your DH’s siblings, nieces and nephews?

@DarkBlueStocking Surely a wedding guest incurs an expense? Why not use that money for something more important/better such as an amazing honeymoon? Add to house deposit etc?

@Saschka Yes.

I'm intrigued how you have a DH at all. Did you marry your brother or cousin? Or was your DH a stranger that you met? Why on earth did you start a relationship with a STRANGER?

Why are you so worried about what other people are spending? You've asked this question already. It's up to them who they want to invite and spend their own money on!

Then why is it a surprise that they are reciprocating and inviting you to their wedding?

im sure they are not asking you to pay for your seat? its not like a works christmas do.... you're being ridiculous to be honest

@GoldenSunflowers Never one where I'd never met both bride and groom.

I've been to countless weddings as a plus one, sometimes when I've never met anyone there at all other than the person whose plus one I was! I find this whole attitude very strange.

My point exactly. They'd be paying!

when i got married neither myself or my husband knew one of the witnesses 😂. look at the photos to this day and still have no clue who she is

In that instance I think the husband was standing in and doing the fatherly duties for his niece whose father (his brother) had died. So not quite the same as your set-up. But your insistence on being right, in the face of all reason, reminded me of that.

@thursdaymurderclub Don't they need to verify who you are?

Which is their choice.

They're adults. They don't need you to decide how they should spend their money.

So you go as your husband's partner, surely?

I accompanied my husband to his nephew's wedding. I'd never met his bride before. It was a lovely occasion.

The groom's brother was there with his new girlfriend. Some years later, I attended the wedding of this couple, having only ever met the girlfriend at the previous wedding. By then, my husband had died. I accepted the invitation; in his speech, the groom kindly mentioned my husband during the absent friends section.

In many (if not most) families it would have been seen as incredibly rude to invite your husband and not invite you.

Is the daughter invited your child? Will an ex wife of DH be there?