To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

Rights don't just mean financial assets; I was referring to decisions regarding medical treatment, care etc.
There is a huge legal difference between married and unmarried.

@venus7 Yes, I definitely do appreciate that.
I learnt recently that your husband/wife isn't your automatic power of attorney; something I haven't really considered but am doing currently. A tricky one!

@Flozle the OP is ignoring the ND question.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung just tell your partner that you don't want to go to the wedding because you don't like his family (because that is the impression a lot of us are getting)

@RampantIvy No - answered it twice. Please go back and read carefully.

I have not said that once. But I am entitled to my viewpoint. I do not regard myself as an aunt. Just in the same way that my husband is not my sons' father.

OP, you may disagree, but I wouldn't class inviting the partner of a relation/friend/whatever to your wedding as a patriarchal custom. And refusing the invite for increasingly rigid reasons is not challenging societal norms.

Please can this thread be nominated as a Classic?

It's been a batshit ride

@DonutHole That poster asked what else I was non-trad about and I gave her one example. Where did I say anywhere the invite was anything to do with patriarchy?!!! Go back and re-read.

You didn't even give an example. You said you could but wouldn't 🤣

@MartinCrieffsLemon Nope - you're not correct. Go back and re-read.

Well, my apologies then. The PP asked for an example of your "non-trad" tendencies. You replied mentioning challenging the many patriarchal customs of a typical wedding. Seeing as the main topic of this entire thread has been about persons invited to a wedding as the partner of someone else, I inferred that this was the "custom" you were referring to. But clearly I was wrong to do so.

But anyway, almost 24hrs and 40 pages, I'm out.

Clearly I shouldn't attempt sarcasm on MN 🙄.

how nice of your niece to invite you and of course she would invite her uncle and his family that’s normal. Both my married siblings weddings were huge with well over a 100guests. I knew none of the guests apart from my small section of family members so the other 80% of people were all unknown to me. I still attended obviously.

"I could talk... but no point"

It's EXACTLY what you said

No it wasn't.

I have directly quoted the quote you made
You didn't give an example at all

@MartinCrieffsLemon I have directly quoted (see above). You haven't. Context is there.

Like it or not, you’ve married into this family. It’s weird you think you shouldn’t go and wouldn’t organise time off to make the effort to go! I’d be pretty offended, if I was your husband’s sibling, sounds like you don’t want anything to do with them!

What the bit where you DIDN'T GIVE AN EXAMPLE?

Saying "oh I could give an example of this but I won't" isn't giving an example

@MartinCrieffsLemon Putting your words into capitals doesn't make them correct. I have directly quoted. You haven't.

@Libbyloo174 My employer wouldn't allow term-time off for weddings (not even one's own). It's not deemed as an exceptional circumstance.

I did though. Using " " is quoting something.

@MartinCrieffsLemon It isn't. Again, you didn't use a direct quote.

If you don't agree with the patriarchal customs of a wedding, nor apparently the non-patriarchal customs such as 'inviting guests' then I'm most surprised you got married yourself.

Assuming you wanted the legal protections for your Daughter (although you claim it makes no discernible difference to your circumstances so who really knows) then a civil partnership would surely have done the job? It's been possible for heterosexual couples to have a civil partnership since 2019.

Well done @Youthiswastedontheyoung
You've filled 40 pages.
96% still think you are wrong, but hey you're 'non trad' so 🙄

Quite breathtaking that there has been not 1 ounce of self reflection over the 40 pages in your posts @Youthiswastedontheyoung .

Not one post of yours showing a shallow depth of emotional intelligence that you could change your mind on any 'issue' you have raised. That really is remarkable.

I hope your DH and DC have an epic time at the family wedding.
I hope you, one day, are able to accept expensive gifts gratefully and that you work on yourself, maybe you'll meet more people, have a diverse friendship base but hey ho ....... You do you ...... on the random, bizarre hill that you choose to die on.

OP societal norms have developed to oil the wheels. Frankly your reasons, apart from not actually being able to go, are weird. To give you an example of societal norms around weddings in action, I met DP's cousin A once at a meal before the wedding of another cousin B in the UK (large Irish family to give context). A few years later cousin A invites us both to her wedding in Ireland. I've met her once and neither of us has met her fiance. We went to the wedding where there are family on my DP's side from Ireland, the UK, Australia and the US. I know a handful of them. We had a great time. It was a really enjoyable wedding and one where members of far flung family got together and celebrated a happy occasion. They were welcoming and we had a big party. Now I know people my DP has mentioned to me and both of us have met people we hadn't met before.

It's a societal norm that I am happy to follow because it's a way to meet people and develop relationships.