To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

The whole thread is odd, but the claim that you're only a "typical" niece if you've known your aunt since birth might be the strangest part.

@ZoeCM It is typical though, no?
I doubt most people only meet their niece or nephew for the first time when they are almost an adult?

I think you are being a bit odd about this OP. She is your OH niece, you’ve met her before (not often, but still, you know who she is), and she has invited her uncle and you as her aunt-in-law, to her wedding. So, you’ve not met her husband to be before, but many of us invited to weddings of relatives haven’t necessarily met their partners. Does your OH want to go to his niece’s wedding? If yes, why would you not want to go with him? You say you don’t want to go - don’t you like his niece? Most of us don’t know our niece-in-laws from birth - what a strange argument you put forward as a reason not to want to go. Still, with your attitude about the whole thing, maybe it would be better if you made a valid excuse to decline (but I hope you don’t expect your OH to decline attending his niece’s wedding just because you don’t want to go, that would be absurdly selfish on your part).

@Greenshed Of course he should go - he's her uncle. And he was very close to her, especially as a baby and little girl growing up. His work is flexible so will take a few days 😀

I've got 3 Nieces and a Nephew through my DH. They were all in their mid-late teens when I met them. I still consider them to be and refer to them as my/our Nieces and Nephew. They are my baby DS's cousins.

You're not unique to have met someone and got married in your 40s OP.

Of course it does! Marriage makes your partner your next of kin, with all that entails. Consider someone whose partner has died; without the marriage certificate, they have no rights at all. The concept of common law wife is meaningless.

@venus7 Far less so for us as no assets etc.

I have been reading this thread and the OP's responses open mouthed.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung I have been to weddings where I have only known the bride and not the groom. It is pretty normal for a lot of the guests to only know one of the couple, especially if they aren't local.

When I first met DH and his family he already had 2 nephews. When DH and I married they became my nephews, and they call me auntie RampantIvy.

Your unusual way of thinking has me wondering if you are neurodivergent. I saw that you have already been asked this.

@RampantIvy How often do you see them and how old were they when you first met them may I ask?
I'm not, but I am non-trad and not afraid to go against social norms. I think too many people follow tradition without stopping to question why or its roots.

In fairness I think the OP is working very hard on this thread to keep it going.

Marriage is entirely based on legality as between the partners in the marriage. It has no legal status for " in laws"

Given the Budget making pension pots liable to inheritance tax it would be madness for any committed couple not to get married or enter into a civil partnership.

I started to think the same thing a couple of hours ago.

Don't post then ffs, @coats @cheese!

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle Again, in our marriage, inheritance tax not a consideration. But I totally respect that it will be for many and I agree that reasons like this matter.

Yeah, you’re a total radical with your wild ideas about the precise circumstances under which you will attend a wedding.

What precisely is it that you believe you’re ’non-trad’ about, may one ask?

@Youthiswastedontheyoung They were at primary school, so younger than your niece when you first met her (yes, she is your niece by marriage). We live 150 miles away so don't see them that often. They are grown up now and have their own lives.

In fairness to the OP it's slightly irritating that posters seem incapable of realising that isn't the case for everyone. I don't like my husband's brother and he doesn't like me. I've no interest at all in being an aunt to his children, nor would he want me to be. I can understand the OP not wanting to have a niece foisted on to her.

@DarkBlueStocking Where do I start? We could talk about challenging the many patriarchal customs of a typical wedding. But no point as no doubt you will disagree. Because they're the societal norms, after all.

There is no such thing as a niece by marriage. If you're happy to take on that role, fine but don't impose it on others.

Wow, just Wow, spent my evening reading this whole thread….🤣…OP I have no words….,

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle I agree. But most others on here believe by marriage they do become a niece or nephew. Taking on that role is mandatory.

But that was your wedding and your choice. This is theirs. It's perfectly normal for the bridal couple not to know partners of colleagues or family members- maybe niece liked you on the occasions you have met and wants you to be there?

What does your husband think? Does he want you to go with him?

Is there some neurodivergence that impacts on your ability to manage social situations?

@Flozle No - I just don't enjoy them. I used to in my younger days but now much prefer spending my time with people I actually know well and get on with.

@isthatmyage Yes - let's silence someone else who also doesn't blindly accept nonsense as "fact"!

That poster is correct. Factually correct.

Just go to the wedding. Don't moan about it.