To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

@Youthiswastedontheyoung No need to attend if you dislike the bride/groom and or weddings in general - but this sentiment is not to be shared with them.

Just thank them for the invitation and politely decline with regret due to an appointment that can't be changed.

You should close with wishing them a happy wedding day, and perhaps a cash gift to help them fund a honeymoon, as you had mentioned earlier.

Has your husband met the groom, and if not should he duck out too?

It’s a strange attitude you have, and really none of your business how they chose the guest list or how they should spend their own money.

YABW (you are being weird)

@crumblingschools Yes I assume our daughter will be invited. No ex-wife

Because you're her uncle's +1. This really isn't difficult to understand.
It would be very odd if she just invited her uncle and didn't invite you.
Blended families often have these kind of situations and it's a lovely opportunity to meet the wider family.
She wants her uncle there, why wouldn't you want to be with him on a special day for that part of his family?

not a clue... its a bit late now we've been married 11 years!

@Tetchypants He has, yes.

You had the wedding you wanted. This is the wedding they want. You are invited so they want you to come.

By all matter of means decline. But be clear to yourself it’s about what you think and want, not about their wishes, whether you think they are right or wrong.

Well at least this makes a change from all the "I think it's incredibly rude that I haven't been invited to the wedding/only been invited to the evening reception of my aunt's hairdresser's ex-neighbour".

The best way to get to know your husband's family would be to go to the wedding and let them see what a warm, friendly person you really are. Deep down.

Weddings are a massive expense.. if they are getting married at a venue, they will be paying X amount for that venue whether you go or not, the only difference will be the catering expense for you, in the grand scheme of weddings the food will probably be the least of it and definitely not enough for a house deposit..

The way they probably see it, as many people see it, is that it's a once in a lifetime expense and one off event, if they are spending a fortune on it then they want to share that with as many people in their family as they can to make the most of it.

I suspect the OP feels somehow morally superior due to her small family and close friends only wedding.

How gauche to throw money about on people you barely know. What plebs.

I wouldn’t assume about your daughter being invited. Spouses not being invited is unusual, children not being invited more common.

@MsPavlichenko It would be an invite out of courtesy really. Which is kind.

The registrar or celebrant is the person that verifies who you are.

The witness's role is to sign to say the wedding happened, the legalities were done, the register was signed and they saw the two parties do that.

Because they’ve chosen to invite you! Do you struggle with theory of mind, @Youthiswastedontheyoung? That other people have different beliefs, thought patterns and priorities? That people just do stuff they want to, and that might be different to how you would choose in their position? And that you don’t need to approve their choices?

When someone invites you over for dinner, do you refuse because they should be using the money they will spend on buying food for you to pay bills or repaint the kitchen?

You clearly don’t want to attend this wedding, so just be honest (at least with yourself) about that, rather than coming up with increasingly far fetched reasons why they’re wrong to invite you.

@crumblingschools She's only small so if she wasn't I'd have to mind her.

@DarkBlueStocking Only out of courtesy though.

Or, you know, they might just like their extended families to join them at their wedding.

You're an Aunt. Not a 15th cousin twelve times removed.

It's really not bizarre or unusual that you and your husband are both invited.

If you don't want to go then just tell them you have other plans already.

Don't put your rigid and fixed ideas about weddings into your reply - you'll come across as incredibly rude and cause offence.

SO WHAT IF ITS OUT OF COURTESY!!!!!! Honestly I can't cope with this thread! You are being utterly ridiculous to fail to see any other point of view other than you own! God help your husband

@ARichtGoodDram Only an aunt by title really. Nobody's fault, just situational. I've not been in her life much whatsoever.

Don’t go if you don’t want to, but this is certainly an unusual mindset you have here. I met probably 100 of my DH’s extended family and out of area friends at the wedding, and vice versa. Totally normal, and also not your business whether they “should” spend the money on something you personally deem superior.

No, just to witness the wedding took place. I used to pass the city hall on my walk to work at a previous job, and was several times asked to be a witness. If I had time, I did.

@Heidi2018 Total waste of their money!!! I'd rather them spend it on something they actually wanted!!

Not enough for them not to invite an uncle's wife.

@Dweetfidilove Not everyone has that much money.