To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

[tiredsince2020]

And I feel really horrible but is it just me who dreads having to go to nursery to get their child?

I have always had this and around this time of day have the horrible pull of guilt that he’s almost certainly had enough and will want to come home and the knowledge that I’ll have three to four hours of him

Op you might need some me time to recharge first, or to prep to make the evening smoother. Take half an hour and collect at 5?

What on earth are you talking about? The nursery staff are there to do a job plus OP is not making them stay late!

@widelegenes I needed to read this today, thanks for your wise words. x

I brace myself every day when picking up my 3 year old DS and 1 year old DD because whilst I love to see their little faces, it lasts all of 30 seconds before they start to fight, scream and cry and I’m instantly stressed.

DS is a handful as well and like a wired ball of overtired energy after preschool. He’s also not very enamoured with CBeebies. At best, it’ll form background noise while he does something else but he never sits down to watch a full episode of anything on there. I’ve accidentally found a couple of things that work really well for him though and one is a “game” where I put a chair for him to climb onto the kitchen island, then I shout questions at him like “what colour is the sun?” and when he answers, I say “yes! Jump!” and he’ll launch off the island for me to catch him. It is fairly terrifying to ensure I never drop him but it really works to regulate him and he’ll usually calm enough to then help with dinner.

Maybe you can try a couple of active games for when you get home and just see if that helps? You’re certainly not the only one struggling though, some kids are just wild at 3 and survival is the only option.

The offerings are very, very different. They will all like different things. But if a child can’t engage with any of the programmes, yes, I would be exploring whether there was a reason that none of it was capturing their attention.

As it turns out, op has in any case now said he does sometimes like some of it, which is what you would expect.

I’ve only skim read your posts OP not read the full thread.

My DS was never really into TV. It doesn’t hold his attention, he isn’t interested in it.

Pretty much since he could stand he’s been helping us cook in the evenings or playing with his own kitchen/bangkng pots and pans. The cooking gives him attention, focus and responsibility. And stops him getting up to mischief elsewhere whilst we cook. Might be worth a try? He might surprise you!

That’s not quite what I said, @Calliopespa . Sometimes he’ll engage with the TV and sometimes he’s in a phase where he just doesn’t, and at the moment he isn’t.

To be honest the only thing he does like on CBeebies I can think of is Bing - attempts to get him into number blocks have failed. Weirdly he does like Yakka Dee as well thinking about it! The 445 - 530 slot on CBeebies is dire though; I wouldn’t judge any child for being bored by it.

I look forward to DC coming home - I love them and enjoy spending time with them.

Do you know what factors are causing difficulties in your relationship with your DS at the moment, @tiredsince2020 ? How does this relationship differ from the relationship with other children in the family? There may be things that could help improve how you get on.

Do you have an evening routine? Activities at home or in the community?

As with a lot of threads on here there are some fantastic replies but the op bites at the snarky ones and doesn't acknowledge the helpful ones really.
It sounds really difficult but I do remember this age being awful for me. It feels never ending but it is just a stage and one day (hopefully soon) it will all be a memory. Your feelings are valid - it's bloody hard and exhausting. Don't be hard on yourself

Glad you kept your sense of humour OP. If you haven't read @FupaTrooper 's post please read it. Not only is she brilliantly defending you but also all women. I think you just have to skim the judgmental posts and just read the ones who are really trying to help out/offer compassion. Don't want you to get depressed after having been so brave to admit to feelings many might not dare to admit. A pp talked about taking one hour to yourself after work just to wind down and relax. You could look at this time as supporting your mental health which will help you feeling a bit less overwhelmed with DS. Trust me, it gets easier. My previously hyperenergetic DS1 now 14 y old is now on the couch and I'm tearing my hair out trying to get him to move and be more active 🤣

OP why did you have children?

I don’t feel this way at all. I race home from
work to get my child. Everytime.

You are lovely! We should be surrounding other women with support and understanding, not doing things that cause them to retreat and suffer in silence.

Open and honest conversations around how bloody hard parenting can be and getting rid of the stupid idea that mothers should be perfect would prevent SO much harm.

It would also prevent men/society from using these ideas against us to get us to facilitate their success whilst not caring about our own (or actively hampering our success as independent women ask for more out of people).

Look at how we are turning on each other, doing their policing for them. We make it so easy for our patriarchal society to insiduously keep women and especially mothers in their place.

Imagine if we collectively supported each other and demanded better treatment and help.

Mothers are human first. They don't give that away because they got pregnant.

Not being able to relate to a posters exact experience doesn't mean we can't all talk about it kindly... And I promise there are many many women and mothers having a hard time with parenting right now, including some of the sanctimonious posters on this thread.

Ohhh get you. Twat

Op it's a bit concerning you're not seeing some glimmers of joy, it's not a criticism, I just wonder if you mh is okay?
I hope you're OK. X

Go away troll! I bet you don’t have kids.

By take it easy and chill I mean chill for us. Its still a lunatic asylum, and all of it is incredibly stressful. My son doesn't stop. His behaviours are just less intense on non nursery evenings because he is less tired.

Is that live action boring o'clock? So dire, I would've hated those shows as a child.

Oops, that was meant for @thingymijigi

But if he doesn’t enjoy what’s on from 4:45/5:30 you realise you can just pick and choose what to play for him from iplayer? Just play what he likes.

I know exactly what you mean OP - your username says tired since 2020, that's likely not a coincidence. I would recommend GP for blood tests for iron, B12 and vitamin D levels. These are commonly low after having a baby and should help with energy levels.

Parenthood especially age 3-4 hugely exacerbated for me what I now know is ADHD. I had never considered it in myself because I was not hyperactive (more the opposite!) But it turns out it can present like that in women. A lull in energy in the afternoon that feels like wading through treacle is a common sign too. (The other sign that I was struggling with is constant sense of overwhelm like I could never quite catch up with life and adulthood in general. Like I was always discovering a new responsibility I was supposed to have and barely managed the existing ones).

And I now know as well that I didn't realise at the time that my eldest (and likely second) DS has ADHD as well. I'm hindsight not surprising because it's highly genetic. Most people find parenting starts to get easier around this age. Tantrums reduce, they get better with instructions, sleep improves if it hadn't already, potty training done, they can do things for themselves a bit, everything just gets a bit easier. None of that is gone, but it's better. Whereas with my children they seem to ramp up a level in difficulty. Potty training and sleep issues drag on, tantrums are more intense and frequent, they become very demanding with attention, fussy, argumentative. I just assumed it was normal because that's what the trajectory had been so far, so the fact it continued to intensify didn't strike me as unusual.

I'm not saying that your DS definitely has ADHD - it's too early to tell anyway. But just a perspective from someone who has been there with a challenging preschooler.

Have you looked into what he is eating for tea at nursery? Diet can have a huge impact on behaviour. I think if you collect them later they will be even more tired and worse but you could try it to see how you get on. Three year olds are full of energy; you cannot physically wear them out. They will just keep going but gating more and more tired, hyper and noisy. I know when it's the end of term in my nursery classroom because of the noise level. Ask nursery what time he comes in from the garden at pick up. If lunchtime then he needs another good run around. Do they take them out in the afternoon?

fiftiesmum · Yesterday 17:11
Are you a single parent op or does the other adult in your household work long hours/stay at work in until post bedtime?
--‐-----
tiredsince2020 · Yesterday 17:13
Yeah just me, with an extremely hyperactive child prone to doing insane things.
-----
tiredsince2020 · Yesterday 18:38
I haven’t once said or implied i am a single parent.
----

You did say you are a single parent... you were asked and replied 'yeah, just me" !!! Confusing!! And if you're not a single parent, why isn't your partner helping in the evenings ??

Trampoline to my reply ?

Honestly a god send

Letting off extra energy /steam

All weathers

We got ours with dd was almost 2. She's now heading to 8

It gets used most days - def all over nice warm months but even when wet. You get she would put on waterproofs and have a bounce or tea party with her dolls etx when younger

There are some really smug replies. I think we’ve all been desperate to see our children yet also keen to be away from them and have space to breathe- both can be true. Op sounds like she’s under a great deal of pressure with work/housework and two young children and needs to vent.

It is bloody hard. I would still advocate for picking up a bit later, and maybe getting takeaway coffee if affordable and drinking it on your own just before pickup.