To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

[tiredsince2020]

And I feel really horrible but is it just me who dreads having to go to nursery to get their child?

I have always had this and around this time of day have the horrible pull of guilt that he’s almost certainly had enough and will want to come home and the knowledge that I’ll have three to four hours of him

I found age 4+ much easier, I’m an introvert and couldn’t cope with the amount of attention required from another human being. I definitely didn’t enjoy being a parent. I would have still thrown myself in front of a bus for her.

I think some of just struggle to get joy out of kiddy things. I am definitely a sedentary person. I just want to read the newspaper or my book with a cup of tea.

Have you tried story time OP, just a calm wind down with a few books?

I usually pick DC (just turned 3) up at 4pm and I find the evening goes so quickly!
We walk home, night swing into a shop on the way, a few days a week we go home via the park. That’s close to an hour gone by the time she stops to throw the leaves in the air a million times. Baby gets whingey in the pram after a while so we start to get a move on.
Then they just play in the living room while I make dinner, dinner about 5/5:30 depending on when we’ve got home. Then big bath full of toys, into pjs then some puzzle games on the floor while a movie is on.
Teeth and stories about 6:45/7pm and then bed.

If the oldest messes around on the way home then she gets told no tv later. If she’s screaming and shouting at home it also goes off.

What does he actually like doing? Do they find him tricky at nursery?

You have my sympathy. I've been reminded of a friend of mine whose two youngest were rather that way. They had a big trampoline in their garden (well, it pretty much filled the available outdoor space IIRC); an inside climbing frame thingy and I think a lot of cushions. When it was light out I frequently saw them on a walk before bedtime at a point when mine were already asleep - they needed so much exercise to wear them out. One of the pair did extremely well at school, is now in musical theatre I believe; the other turned out to have significant SEN. But as little ones both were a handful.

I had a stint of collecting my eldest from school, walking or cycling home past the nursery her brother was at and then going back to collect him - if I stopped off on the way home then I was interrupting their tea time and it just didn't work. Always felt bad, the eldest had already had a greater share of 1-1 with me at that point.

I'm thinking that with the clock change you may have an opportunity to change things up with their routine a bit this week. Hope you find some variations that work a bit better.

I do kind of get where you’re coming from. I have a 3 year old who’s going from a difficult stage at the moment, he does nursery 3 days a week and he is horrific when I pick him up at 5, the hours between that and bed are always him being over tired and making a fuss about eating dinner etc. I work full time (have him home with me on Thursday and Friday whilst I work) in a very high pressured job, so I’m also burnt out at that time, and I’m heavily pregnant so I find it hard 😭

Off topic but how on earth do you work from home with a toddler 2 days a week? I'm heavily pregnant and can barely keep awake long enough to answer a few emails!

If he's throwing things and generally boisterous I think you need to lean in and redirect that energy positively. So a toddler basketball hoop for indoors if you have space or bean bags to throw into hoops/boxes. If they're strong enough, throw the sofa cushions on the floor and chuck him about a bit. A lot of kids don't need a quiet wind down, they need a run about/some rough play before bed to feel connected and get the energy out.
For what it's worth, I'm not naturally that kind of parent that enjoys that kind of stuff either but it definitely makes my little one more settled. Easier when both of us are home mind you, hard to balance the needs of a 3 year old and younger baby.

Do we have the same DS? Also 3, also loud, non stop moving, hyper, flinging himself around. Hasn’t napped since he was 20 months old. He’s wonderful but my god, sometimes I feel like shouting at him to just sit still! He can have hours and hours of exercise and still somehow be full of energy. I leave him in nursery until 5.45 on two days a week, 4:30 one day and have him with me 2 days. Also have a newborn DD so I cut myself some slack! He loves nursery so I don’t feel bad about leaving him there, then we have 1 hour of hijinks at home before his dad puts him to bed.

I think you’re describing my life @justlonelystars - same with the younger child although mines 14 months. I miss the snuggly maternity days 😭

People seem to forget not all children are the same… my 3yo also doesn’t like CBeebies or the tv in general.

I’ve got one like this! When he’s tired/ needs a wee/over/stimulated he can be wild, flinging himself around; being very rough and squeezy. It is hard work! Maybe especially if you were a very different child to how he is. I was a really quiet and still and quite passive kid so it’s taken me time to get used to him and enjoy him! There are pros to this personality type, I promise! But at 4:30 when there tired it can be super tired.

I think the trick is to give a snack in the car on the way home (combo of different food groups, not too much sugar!) as it’s worse if they’re tired. Also try different things to see what works to help him to find a calmer state. This is trial and error! Would a cuddle with you in front of something he likes on iPlayer work or a story with you? Or a bubble bath? Or bouncing on an indoor trampoline? Or some play doh if he’s a bit sensory seeking? Or a Toni box with headphones that he can chill out with? Building a train track and watching trains go around?
Do nursery have any ideas about what interests him or gets his full attention?
also I find Dr Becky podcasts super helpful. I found that whenever my kid would go wild I would worry that he would be the same at age 15 and this would affect how I responded. When I stopped doing that I chilled out and it really helped!
Good luck

Is this in response to my post? If it was then I was quite clear I wasn't giving advice I was just saying what worked for me and I didn't assume you were a single parent I was simply stating that I am. Frankly if that was to me it's pretty arsey given I was trying to show solidarity as I understand the struggle of a very energetic child.
If it wasn't aimed at me then apologies and as you were

I don’t think so, unless you were the one who started berating me for having another thread. I’ll have to go back and check names.

I’ve just gone back and checked. No, it wasn’t to you - not sure why you thought it might be to be honest!

This is good advice.

Change things. Don't feel you have to get him home for a 5 o clock dinner, 6 o clock bath or whatever. Do something different. Split the pick ups with his Dad.

Just because I'd mentioned having a stairgate and being a single parent myself. I haven't RTFT only your replies.
My apologies for making an already stressful time more stressful

Honestly it’s awful! It was bad enough when I wasn’t pregnant, luckily I have very few meetings on Thursday/Friday, so the ones I do have I just work around my 3 year old, try and set him up with an activity whilst I do them, but adding pregnancy with it has been next level, I had to go off sick for 2
weeks at one point as I was just absolutely running myself into the ground going into the office 3 days and then working at home with a little one the other two. I had my last day before I start Mat leave today, I’m 38 weeks pregnant and I’ve never been this tired, not even with a newborn 😭🙃

No … not at all. I was just a bit puzzled. I am finding DS very hard work at the moment and then feeling horribly guilty for finding him such hard work. So I feel permanently conflicted.

@tiredsince2020 Apologies. I read this as 'yeah just me' as your response underneath the question as to whether you were a single parent from @fiftiesmum

YANBU, after work, I want to just relax but then my second job starts and the cycle never ends day after day after day...not that I don't love my child but I'm exhausted.

It’s really hard to tell if there are objective issues or it’s just your mood in general!
Is it a huge problem that he runs about the living room while the tv is on? You say you would like him to sit and watch it, but does it matter? Why can’t he run about playing at the same time?

This is excellent advice.
Children are shattered at that time of day.
My friend was advised to have a treat..packet of Snax, something like it, for him to look forward to.
She would change her clothes and throw him into the bath.
It really calmed them down.
The pj's and a simple supper.
Beans, eggs on toast.
Simple pasta with mayo and grated egg and grated cheddar etc.
Simple no fuss food.
Find a programme he likes and stick it on.
Do whatever you have to do to make it less stressful.

You don’t seem very aware that not all young children like tv.

I found 3/4 a very difficult age with all three of mine. Your ds sounds like my ds1 who does have ADHD but I do think this can also be “normal” behaviour for some NT toddlers. It’s when they are still doing it at 6/7 it becomes more concerning.

Ds1 had no interest in television and even now at 29 only watches documentaries, blue planet and the like. What we found worked for him was playing a game on an electronic device whilst I was cooking the dinner. It was an old game boy he had and later a PlayStation 1. I suppose these days it would be an iPad or a phone.

I realise many parents wouldn’t want there children to do this but it really seemed to regulate him. He also did this when he got in from school before music practice and homework. He now has a degree and a good job so I don’t feel it did any harm.

leave them until 5.30!!

get a tv show on for an hour for you, prep tea, collect. then tea and bed. been there,, much easier with a routine