To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

[tiredsince2020]

And I feel really horrible but is it just me who dreads having to go to nursery to get their child?

I have always had this and around this time of day have the horrible pull of guilt that he’s almost certainly had enough and will want to come home and the knowledge that I’ll have three to four hours of him

There was a stage i finished work and went to the gym before pick up. No guilt here!

My son wakes at five and not sure how I can change that plus I need to do school run. Wish I could wake later. 😴 No grandparents nearby nor do I have a garden. We tend to go to a couple of play groups or softplay. He just climbs so much but he is speech delayed.

I have a climber too.

I haven’t once said or implied i am a single parent.

Apologies if someone else has suggested this as I haven't read the whole thread but could you take him later in the morning and pick him up later, or are you working?

Usually I’m working but honestly no - it throws the whole days routine out of whack because the activities take place in the morning.

Oh, it was your thread about you and dh being foul to each other. ... I imagine there are some things you can change here.

I considered name changing and decided not to bother; I wish I had now!

Does he get enough physical exercise?

My son needed a good walk and run much as a dog or stabled horse did.

{He's an adult now}

But if he was kept in at playtime, {If the weather was bad} he would be prancing sideways down the pavement- so I knew he'd need a good hard run , despite the rain.

A GP I knew {4 kids} was a huge believer in exercise for calming children down.

It is hard, I sympathise. We’ve recently switched from a mix of childminder and nursery and have found early on he is far less tired just going to nursery. I suspect the school runs with the CM were particularly tiring and he would get more tired as the week went on so by the time Friday came he was a nightmare.

i found the tiredness induced tantrums very hard especially when heavily pregnant and working FT in a stressful job.

my husband just didn’t appreciate how long it took me to pacify our child before he strolled through the door

Is there any reason you're dismissing ADHD? He sounds a lot like ADHD should be at least considered.

I have threads on here about how difficult and tiring I found parenting DS when he was a pre-schooler. I got roasted by some idiots posters who insisted that the day I described was typical and I was just overreacting / getting it all wrong. It was demoralising.

Fast forward a few years, and DS was diagnosed as autistic (high functioning). I hadn't been imagining it, he really was harder work than a lot of other DC and - crucially - there was a reason that the parenting advice from people with neuro typical DC wasn't working.

FWIW, a year or so later I discovered I have ADHD. It's improved my life to understand my brain better, I would definitely recommend diagnosis.

I have no advice because I know it is hard. I see parents with calm kids who sit in one spot and have the kid strapped in in a stroller for example, prettily drinking from a bottle and taking a walk (my kid instantly strains in the stroller, whining and crying, desperate to walk in the opposite direction). If we go to the park, she never stays in one place exploring and looking as some other kids calmly do. She charges quickly from one side to another, whining and crying when I rescue her before running off a raised platform or prising something from her hand that will cause injury.

Pick up is disruptive to the day as it’s no guarantee DD will be calm or relaxed at home leading to bedtime. I can’t use family either, no support there. DH and I do our best and keep on smiling through it. No advice, just solidarity.

He’s 3; he’s not going to be diagnosed with ADHD for a long time if ever. I don’t think he is, but if he is it will be more apparent when he starts school. I do know he isn’t close to any sort of diagnosis at the moment.

He gets loads of physical exercise, he’s just going through an exceptionally boisterous stage just at the moment.

I'm really sorry you're struggling. I have a very active child too, although he has always sat to watch a bit of TV. Mine actually loved Cosmic Kids yoga on YouTube on the TV at that age - some of them are quite short and Jamie is very engaging with the stories. We used to do it together or sometimes I'd leave him and he'd do it by himself while I made dinner or something. We chose a cheap yoga mat together so he felt 'proper'.

How is he with open ended play activities? I know it can be hard work to think of things and get them set up but maybe if you picked him up half an hour later & popped a couple of toys/activities out ready for him when he got home he might focus on that, even for 5minutes while you play with him at first, then perhaps longer sessions or a bit of time where you start him off and then leave him to it. I also found water worked wonders when he was wild. It's trickier now it's getting darker and colder but a bucket of water and a paintbrush or roller outside, or some 'heavy lifting' with a watering can and buckets. Having games like throwing balls of socks into a laundry basket or a large amount of one colour of playdough that he can use muscles to roll and squash also helped him direct his energy. And he also liked threading beads which took a bit more fine motor and concentration.

My boy is nearly 8 and still leaps about and gets in your face when he's over excited but is easier to calm and redirect these days. You're in the trenches at the moment and it can seem neverending but it isn't forever.

My son has a speech delay too and we've been told he has social communication disorder and now we're waiting for the paediatrician appointment . He's only 2 and a half but he's the size of a four year old and is a lunatic. Running off, escaping , climbing, launching head first off the sofa etc.
It must be hard for you with no support. I'm tearing my hair out because 24 hours a day of WOAH MY GOD!

OP, seriously, please investigate possible neurodivergence. Also big hugs. Big BIG hugs. I love my son but sometimes I don't enjoy him either. And no it's not what I thought parenting would be like at all.

Haven't RTFT but I think some people on here lack imagination of others perspectives.

I personally have never looked forward to evenings with my toddlers. I do love them and now they are in school do look forward to seeing them in the afternoons.£

Apart from toddlers being hard work, I often find I'm still thinking about things I didn't manage to get done at work, plus there is housework etc.

This isn't helpful in the winter but when the evenings are light my boys are outside after nursery. They get back at 5.30. Quick dinner and then outside playing until 7pm then in for bed.

I am missing those days badly as I think boys need it and then they are not destroying the house.

My boys are 3 and 6 now. My 3 year old has time were he won't sit still and has massive tantrums in the evening iif he is over tired. With tantrums comes the kicking and hitting. Now we use time out or naughty step. We are trying to work on the behaviour.

One thing my younger child does like is paw patrol and dancing. So often now at 6.30 we put some music videos on YouTube and dance.

Oh OP - I hear you on this - I ADORE my children - but the time between nursery ending and bedtime is really really really hard. My older two are properly at school and past it now (and very enjoyable humans) - and my youngest is blessedly more relaxed than the older two - but I remember feeling like those evenings - when no matter what you try you cant get anything right for them - we’re going to put me in the grave.

no hugely wise words - but things that workwd
for me

• snacks on the way home in the car / buggy to stave off the low sugar melt down (I liked putting them in one of those old people pill dispensers - lots of little compartments of raisins / hula hoops - they seemed to find it quite engaging
• stopping on the way home to shake off school at the playground (kills half a hour)
• a really intentional routine when we got home (shoes off, wash hands, prepared activity at the kitchen table, 5 min monster dance party, march to table for supper, eat supper, play hide and seek, bath, stories, bed) which they expected and didn’t fight so much

sending you solidarity - it’s really hard!

I understand. I had this too. I miss it now but that wouldn’t have helped at the time!

i wondrred… could you do a couple of 5 pick ups. Just to give yourself a bit more time?
can you work out if you’re son is I) tired hyper or ii) still has energy. If you work out the root cause you could base the routine on that… eg if it’s genuine energy then need a way to burn it off. If it’s excitement to see you then need contact/engagement. If it’s hyper tired needs some kind of calm… you could try different things to see if you can find the best thing…

I do honestly think he needs some time in the house. It’s mad to expect him to go from playing in the garden or whatever to going to bed. That isn’t going to happen, he needs to wind down. Unfortunately his version of winding down does not match mine!

Literally as soon as I get my 5 year old home from school she asks to play with me, and nags and nags and nags. Don't get me wrong I will play with her for a bit, but there's only so much 'playing cafe' I can tolerate until my back is killing me and I want a cup of tea.
I much prefer playing card/board games.

It's a relief when she goes to bed being honest.

Of course I love her, and yes I'll probably miss it when she's older blah blah but the fact is I like doing adult things, because I'm an adult.
Parenting is hard work and can be quite boring at times.

I'll get flamed on here of course, but my point is OP, kids can be hard work and you're seriously not alone. The joy of it comes from watching them grow, learn and the lovely moments, not the everyday slog.

From about 4pm to bedtime is the hardest time! At least in summer you can take them for a run around in the park but in winter it's grim! Do whatever works for you OP, I always think a long bath with toys and splashing about is a good way to work off a bit of steam. Then after tea, try and have quiet time, stories and quiet games and cuddles on the sofa to wind down. There's many a mum counting the minutes til bedtime at this time of day so don't beat yourself up 💐

You have all my sympathy it is a difficult phase.
Overall, It sounds like you are just exhausted and need a break and that is why this hyper part of the day is wearing you out. Is there anyway to get a bit of extra help for a bit, even say once a week at that time of day?
Remember it is a phase, whilst they get used to being at nursery, at four they are developing and growing fast and trying to take in lots of things at once.

I had two hyperactive ones.... And I think the above pp re den building is worth a shot.

They def are holding it in at nursery And at pick up time they had to let it all out.
I used to have to give them food immediately on pick up as they would get hangry. It did make a difference.
Can you take him home on a little scooter (with a lead or something if necessary) or stop in a park ( if you're both well wrapped up) to let him jump up and down outside for a bit - weather allowing. Otherwise, the shops where they could choose a small something. We often used to go to a large garden centre where they could walk around looking at Xmas decs.

I remember buying a mini fitness trampoline, that they could jump up and down on indoors ( had to put bubble wrap etc round the edges... but that used to help. And foam balls to chuck about did less damage. Building a cushion fort would have kept mine busy, they would have enjoyed the idea of taking everything off the sofa and hiding. Or playing with big cardboard boxes. with blankets over them. I think you can buy tunnels which fold down again.

Having food ready or planned the night before as there was little time to prep meals when they were on the go and I had to keep an eye on them. Once they had eaten and were still sitting I used to swap the food with playdough so they could fiddle with that.

The bath with plenty of toys and an audio book on also used to help, familiar songs or stories. I used to clean the bathroom at the same time.

Its hard to build a routine when they are constantly on the move, but it does help. As does moving to different rooms.

Are there any weekend sports clubs or swimming lessons near you for his age group. We did mini rugby from 4. It can be quite relaxing sitting on the sidelines for a bit.

So tell him the show goes off until he stops jumping around like a loon. Or ignore it.

Dies it matter that much that he is?

He doesn’t give a shit if the shows on or not 😂

I wish it didn’t matter but I do find it hard work and tiring.

You are not alone. Parenting young children is bloody hard work. This is the very worst time of day too - witching hour is 100% a thing! I used to feed mine early, bath and then bed with lights off by 7pm. Then dh and I would have dinner in peace.