To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

[tiredsince2020]

And I feel really horrible but is it just me who dreads having to go to nursery to get their child?

I have always had this and around this time of day have the horrible pull of guilt that he’s almost certainly had enough and will want to come home and the knowledge that I’ll have three to four hours of him

My daughter was like this. She has calmed down at seven. My son spends most of his time if we stay in climbing and getting into various cupboards. It is tiring.

Are you asking genuinely or a rhetorical question?

CBeebies has a pretty wide target audience. My younger child likes Moon & Me and Night Garden but they aren’t going to be interesting to a 4 year old.

Bluey is on at twenty past four for twenty minutes and I know it is blasphemy on here but he just isn’t into it. Then Vida the Vet - boring and twee. Then it’s some programme about school, then Waffle (not interested in it) and Sarah and duck (ditto) JoJo and Gran Gran which I actually like but he doesn’t so …

Anyway, he’s not watching anything, charging around madly, flinging himself onto things, terrorising his sister and destroying the house 🙄🙄

Gojetters? What about cartoon network so things like teen tititans go or pawpatrol?

How old is he? It's normal for evenings after nursery to be hard work with 2 and 3 year olds.
If it's easier for you just leave him there a bit later? Then cut the evening activities to a minimum.
Or as an alternative could you look at different provision for him, would there be a more active childcare setting you could use? Forest school or outdoor nursery? Sounds like he needs more exercise?
Things will improve as he gets older

@MerlotMisery how can a person not like chocolate? Maybe because humans are all individuals and like different things? Just a suggestion.

I used to look forward to pick up so much because they were so excited to see me.

…then we’d get into the car and they’d kick off over something minor and I’d wish I was on my own again 😂🫣

The evenings are an absolute slog. My eldest is 10 now and it’s still a slog and a battle - making dinner (“I don’t want that!”), shower time (“in a miiiiiiinute!!!”), bedtime (“just fiiiiiiive moooore minutes….”). You just need to get on with it 🤷🏻‍♀️ no one else is going to do it.

Mum guilt is something we have all suffered from at some point. Parenting is blooming hard work.

Just a thought - does your son sleep whilst at nursery? If so, does he sleep quite late in the day?

My eldest used to have a nap, but then she started to sleep for an hour or two quite late in the afternoon. Obviously this was too late in the day, it upset her bedtime routine, and she was still bouncing off the ceiling at almost midnight when this happened!

I’m sorry but if you and your 4 year old have a relationship problem then that’s on you. He isn’t old enough to be the “problem”. I’m all for supporting mums, but either you need to see a doctor to support with PND or depression in general or you need to find coping methods to help you through.

@DoreenonTill8 he goes through phases with TV. At the moment he isn’t really watching anything. He just isn’t. Not all children revere screen time I suppose. I don’t mind as a rule but yes, it would be handy at some moments!

i hear all that @PennyCrayon1 … it is lovely how excited they are to see me then on the way home someone screams and someone cries and someone whines …

He gets loads of exercise I promise. He’s a bit wired; the more exercise he has the more he needs.

I hear you. I love my 2.5 year ld but evenings are hard. We generally pickup around 5:13-530 and try to get her to bed around 7:30pm. She’s a werid mix of hyper but tired. She’ll only sleep for 10 hrs overnight so any earlier is a bad idea too. I’ve found she has calmed a bit as she’s got older and is starting to like cuddling up for a book for example. But it feels like that’s only right before sleep after 2 hrs of bouncing off walls

I always feel so joyful when I see their little faces at school pick up, by the time we're out of the gate I'm tearing my hair out. Grumpy, tired & hungry is not fun. Solidarity op. No big advice, this too shall pass.

No ones saying he’s the problem I’m saying how I feel. If you don’t like that then sorry but that is on you.

Who is guilting you?

Nursery costs a bloody fortune.

I used the 8-6 even on days off/ flexi etc as DS was happy there and it worse him out so he wasnt bouncing the walls at home. He slept 10-7.30 so I still had 4 hours alone with him every night. It was a slog.

I never got a priceless face at pickup...

And no he hasn’t slept in the day for well over a year now. I can’t fault his sleep to be fair but he does seem to be going through an exceptionally testing time with everything else!

This probably sounds like madness but could you go home via a soft play?

Or, can you build a den (buy a pop up tent) fill it with cushions and a little light (again, times) and see if he’s over stimulated and that calms him down?

Theories being:

He is either over stimulated or under stimulated
or
He has been holding it in all day doing what’s been asked of him and he’s now able to be himself and needs a space he can do it in

It is not a fun time of day!

I don’t blame you if he’s just charging around. Has anyone considered / mentioned ADHD? Mine did thankfully just chill and watch Cbeebies but I did dread walking up the hill to nursery. Not because I didn’t want to see my DC, but because that’s when my 2nd job started, youngest pick up from nursery, then call at the after school club to pick up DS and then home to see DC1 who was 14 then and likely asking what’s for dinner mum! Fast forward 16yrs, a colleague who just had a new baby asked me if I missed that age. He was quite surprised when I said no I don’t!

Yeah that’s definitely madness - sorry! It would also cost a small fortune!

I don’t think he’s got ADHD. Just … mad.

Mine didn’t like sitting down or sleep that much either, she was adorable but so much work. I used to feel exhausted at the mere thought of having to go to get her from nursery. I don’t miss the toddler stage at all, I do look back on her pictures and wish I enjoyed it more because she was so damn cute.

I don’t want to be a downer on DS. He’s got some great qualities but at the moment he’s full on. He’s taken to even being quite aggressive (for want of a better word) with hugs, flinging himself on me and shoving his face in mine so you sort of instinctively recoil. Requests / instructions to be more gentle are ignored. Like a lot of things DS I do worry we’ve got a negative sort of relationship but truth be told I do find him a hell of a lot. He gets on better with his dad, which is really sad but I’ve no idea how to address it.

I fully sympathise with you OP!

I have a 3 year old exactly the same. He is absolutely mad 24/7, doesn’t sleep yet is bouncing off the walls literally every second of the day no matter what I do with him. He’s so full on that I really look forward to the days he’s in nursery but then I also end up collecting 30mins to an hour early as I feel guilty! Then we come home and the amount of energy he still has is ridiculous. He won’t even sit still longer than 2 seconds to watch tv, I’m actually jealous of parents that have kids that will..

No advice but just want to say you’re not alone!

I too have a 4yr old that. Does. Not. Stop. Ever. It's exhausting!! Different situation as SEN and language delay but I just wanted to say I feel you. Thankfully my other child is older as I'm not sure how I'd cope if I had a younger child, I mean I would because I'm a mam and we just do don't we.

No solutions, I've given up and just lean into the crazy now lol tbh he's actually a lot of fun he's cute, cheeky, funny and gets me to the point where I'm gonna do time and then flips it round by doing something to melt me 🙄 I've accepted I live in a shit hole by day and a Palace by night, albeit a Palace that's tidy but with ripped wallpaper on every wall, broken toys and knackering to set straight every night (shhh don't tell but sometimes I don't tidy every night!)

We bounce on the bed, run races, have dance parties, just anything energetic he wants to do for those few hours between home from school and bedtime. He has a tall stairgate on his bedroom door (because of his SEN and before anyone comes at me we have a disability SW and they approve) so he has a safe place to be put for 5 mins if i desperately need a time out (with toys in his "prison" again before anyone comes at me) Thankfully his default is happy and it's a million times harder when he's whiny which isn't often, if you have a default whiny child I'm sending even more love and hugs your way as those times for me are extra tough.

Like I said this works for me but I've no idea if it would work for you. I'm not posting to give advice, just solidarity, it's fucking hard, it's utterly exhausting but its my mindset of leaning into and embracing the crazy that's been the most helpful thing for me. I'm a single mum and aside from school they are with me every other minute of every day. I fully accept my wee DS is crazy, hyper and life is never gonna be quiet and boring with him around!

@IVFmumoftwo wake up a bit later, no need to rush, go to a playgroup or have his nan or grandad over or go to their house. Maybe play in the garden or go out. Meal times have to be chill because he doesn't really eat anything anyway. Watch some cbeebies. Just things like that. My son is a handful so you would think having him for just a few hours on his nursery days would be easier but it's not. Absolutely every little thing is a battle

I always laugh as several professionals have commented "he's very hyper isn't he" and the majority of the times they've said it he's actually been pretty calm and placid compared to his normal behaviour 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

You implied earlier that it was just you in the household @tiredsince2020 but you're not a single parent - you've had a trending thread all day about your DH and how you're foul to each other. He doesn't help in the house, sniping and bickering. Etc etc etc.

Is your DS picking up on the atmosphere, do you think? Is this one key area where your DH DOES need to start stepping up and you finding a workaround together?

Should you head to the GP - two threads on MN that reek of problems-without-solutions smack of depression, IMO. I feel for you and I feel for that lad of yours.

This is really sad for your DS. What were you expecting having children to be like?