Being the only one buying

[Everydayimwingingit]

I just need to rant as I can't help but feeling so angry.
Me and my fiancé have 3 kids together and I absolutely hate this time of year as its always me who pays for everything all year round the food, the utilities, the mortgage, cheap holidays and days out. I earn alot less than him so I've to be careful with money but also try to save up for Christmas as I'm the one who buys all the presents for the kids aswell as mine and his family, October is nearly as bad as my eldest has her birthday and has had a party again which I paid for but I don't mind as it made her happy, I feel like at times I can't buy them decent presents as I'm watching the savings so they end up with quite a few cheap things that end up broke or don't get played with.
We've recently had a baby and it's been so difficult not buying him the clothes that I love as I just can't justify the cost but the main reason for the rant is I've just bought a second hand playmat and got my fiancé to collect it on his way home from work and as soon as he came home he made sure he took the money for it out my purse.

I suffer really badly with mental health since having my ds so I find confrontation extremely difficult but I can just feel the anger building up inside.

Aibu to expect him to atleast help towards some of the bills or even spend time with the kids so I can have a bath in peace

Her name is not on the mortgage, she'll have to PROVE that she paid and he didn't and legal advice and representation will cost her £££££££

It’s absolutely ridiculous that @BMW6 post was deleted, they were not abusive in any way whatsoever and certainly not nasty, what they said is absolutely true, this site is getting beyond ridiculous with the monitoring, if the posts aren’t sufficiently pandering to the OP it’s deleted, seen it on a few threads recently. No doubt mine will be as well.

Who is to say it was consensual?

Thanks.

I've only read the OP so i'm sure I will be repeating what others have already said but this sounds like financial abuse. Kick him out and go on benefits and also claim child support off him. You will be much better off! What kind of a Dad doesn't even want to buy his baby a playmat! That is a disgusting poor excuse of a Dad!

He probably makes you feel loved just enough to stop you kicking him out. It’s a sort of “ push me, pull me” way of thinking. He’s onto a winner —- you do everything, you pay for everything and he does fuck all.
You are being financially and emotionally abused. I bet if he thinks you’re coming round to the idea of ditching him he’s just a little bit nice to hook you back in.
Call Women’s Aid then start getting all the evidence of his income for the csm.

I am just sorry for you. Big plain sorry. Not pity you. Just feel sad for you
so the guy never proposed, never paid for anything, never treated you to nice dresses, flowers, spa, meals out, day trips, holidays while dating, just had his sex time with you and also made you pay - I cannot get how such men make it on the list of any woman

That is not the point. Other people may read what you've said and believe you enough to stop them seeking proper advice. Please don't give legal advice when you don't know what you are talking about.

I think Mumsnet should be required reading for all teenagers before they embark on any kind of adult relationship. It is unbelievable that any woman can be conned into paying for everything whilst their higher earning partner and father of their children pays nothing towards even his own living costs, never mind the children they should be supporting together. And then needs to ask if it’s unreasonable….
Either both salaries go into a joint account to cover your mortgage (and your name is added as owner) and bills with immediate effect, and you get equal spending money if there is a surplus, or you leave him and get CMS to chase him for paltry child support (and bizarrely you’d still be better off)

Why on earth do you love someone who basically says "fuck you and fuck our kids" with his every single action?

Someone who would let his kids go without clothes, food and birthday presents as long as he has a PlayStation game and nice car and can go to the pub (or whatever he spends his money on). How can you respect someone like that let alone love them? How can you respect yourself for allowing someone to treat you and your kids like that?

I am quite worried about my future dating story of so many naive young ladies

@Everydayimwingingit

No, you don't 'love' him, not really. You're entangled with him, but that's not love. Not healthy, honest love.

But here's the thing. Even if you do 'love' him, sometimes love is not enough. Because your 'love' will never change him and make him into a real man and a good father. There isn't enough love in the world to do that. And also, we can 'love' someone to distraction, but that doesn't mean they are right for us (or for anybody for that matter).

I think you need to get into counseling and find out why you're content to stay in an abusive and neglectful relationship. If this were your own child, would you want them to live like you are living?

And what would happen if you were to say to him, 'This year I can only afford christmas gifts for the kids, if you want to buy gifts for your family you will have to arrange it yourself'.
Are you scared of his reaction, if so you are in an abusive relationship.

so you are not married, he has the mortgage which you pay for and you pay all bills, food , clothes, kids stuff, etc - now never heard of this

OMG I missed that you buy presents for his family! Come on, woman.

Stop loving him, and either he changes or you walk - this is really abusive.

It’s ridiculous.

The only questions to ask is why on earth do you allow him to treat you like absolute shit? What on earth are you thinking?

You earn a lot less than him. But you pay for everything - mortgage, bills, food, holidays, presents….. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m at a loss and can’t understand how anyone would allow themselves to be treated like this.

Serious give yourself a shake and grow a backbone.

Do you have some good friends you can go and talk to about this? Sorry to ask was it his idea to have a third child? Or was he using this as a way to trap you! The fact your name is on every bill but the mortgage really sends the alarm bells off the one thing worth value. Don't mean to be harsh you may love him but if he really loved you he would not watch you struggling. Sending hugs

Unfortunately it sounds like you would be financially better off as a single parent as at least you wouldn't have to subsidise him.

@Everydayimwingingit so actually, he pays for nothing?????? is that correct??

What in g**s name are you still doing with this mean, selfish loser? You'd be better off leaving him and going to the courts to get money from him.

Yup. The OP would be better off without him.

Why are you paying for everything? Why did you have another child with this man? This is not love, he is taking the piss out of you. Just stop buying stuff for his family/him say you can't afford it.

Yes OP will need to prove that she paid. But this need not be difficult, and many solicitors offer a free initial consultation. There is no need to scare her.