Being the only one buying

[Everydayimwingingit]

I just need to rant as I can't help but feeling so angry.
Me and my fiancé have 3 kids together and I absolutely hate this time of year as its always me who pays for everything all year round the food, the utilities, the mortgage, cheap holidays and days out. I earn alot less than him so I've to be careful with money but also try to save up for Christmas as I'm the one who buys all the presents for the kids aswell as mine and his family, October is nearly as bad as my eldest has her birthday and has had a party again which I paid for but I don't mind as it made her happy, I feel like at times I can't buy them decent presents as I'm watching the savings so they end up with quite a few cheap things that end up broke or don't get played with.
We've recently had a baby and it's been so difficult not buying him the clothes that I love as I just can't justify the cost but the main reason for the rant is I've just bought a second hand playmat and got my fiancé to collect it on his way home from work and as soon as he came home he made sure he took the money for it out my purse.

I suffer really badly with mental health since having my ds so I find confrontation extremely difficult but I can just feel the anger building up inside.

Aibu to expect him to atleast help towards some of the bills or even spend time with the kids so I can have a bath in peace

You need to end this relationship OP, he is abusing you in so many different ways. Please seek help irl.

You probably need to talk to your GP and see if you can get some therapy or counselling because it's very worrying you are in love with him because he's clearly very horrible to you and has you trapped so you can't even think about life without him.
This makes you very vulnerable and is why you have been putting up with his crap.
I'm not blaming you at all, but you would benefit from seeing the level of harm he has on you and likely his/your children too.

I don’t think you should marry this man.

That's fucking harsh, you know little to nothing about the circumstances here and are being deliberately nasty. You are obviously unhappy too, but no need to take it out on the op.

Yeah but she is the victim of a man. And there's no WAY she's as much of a twat as he is. Not sure what your point is with that.

She's obviously in a financially abusive relationship where she can't see the wood for the trees. She needs to be encouraged to get some self-esteem, see this 'relationship' for the dead-end waste of space that it is, and move on. We can all sit here saying 'why did you have three babies with this man' - me included, as it seems like a total mystery to me too - but she has and it's what she does now that's important. The problem is, there are very much limits to how an internet forum can help someone in her situation.

Well it’s your own choice, and only you can change it.

You are also in charge of your childrens lives, so you are choosing this for them too.

It’s actually so worrying that you are this passive, that I hope ss will step in.

@Everydayimwingingit You say you are still with him because you love him. Have you thought about how much he really loves you and your children. He would rather see you in hardship than pay his way. He would rather see his children go without than put his hand in his pocket. This is not love.

You and your children deserve better. If you are managing without him now, you will manage without him completely. Infact you may even be better off because you can claim child maintenance.

I would feel angry too!

He needs to start putting his hand in his pocket and support the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and to make sure his children are fed and clothed.

When you are in a relationship, you are a team, you work together to make things better and easier.
By the sounds of things you are a single Mum - because what is it he is actually doing or providing to make it seem otherwise?

I voted YABU because who in their right mind puts up with this crap!?

LTB doesn't sound like he will be missed in any shape or form.

You can choose to be used and abused

Abuse when your partner doesn’t actually hit you is more subtle and it can take years for someone to recognise they are being abused

I think that we have a “switch” inside us and whilst we can walk over hot coals for people we love, we also don’t recognise the abuse directed towards us until something, even tiny happens and suddenly the switch flicks off. It doesn’t matter what happens in the future or how nice someone becomes towards us when they recognise we are done or they have overstepped the mark, that switch cannot be turned back on.

Everyday, I can't add to what others have said on here.

You seem to be completely under this guy's thumb and completely intimidated by him.

Good communication is vital to a healthy relationship. However your relationship is far from healthy and, in time, it will be unhealthy for your children.

I cannot imagine why you wanted to have a third baby with him but what's done is done. How soon until you get back to work?

You need professional help, Everyday, on more than one front.

Why you are with him and producing more babies into this toxic dynamics???
He is just a sperm donor, isnt he?

If you are the only one on the mortgage and paying, ask him to move out. It sounds like you won’t lose any help around the house, your life will be easier and he’ll have to start contributing child maintenance. Plus you get a break when he has the kids. You will find someone who loves you for you but enjoy the freedom and more money when you do.

Are you handing over the mortgage amount for him to pay it? Not sure that someone not on the mortgage would be allowed a DD to pay it.
If you have got a DD in place it should say that the payee is the mortgage company.
Can OP register an interest with the Land Registry as they're not married, does anyone know?
You certainly do have an interest OP as you pay for it.
He could be stashing his cash and one day just pay it off and out you go.

So did l for this reason, it's so bad l find it very difficult to believe.

She’s paying HIS mortgage.

(she’s only made 4 posts in here. It’s not hard to read those even if you don’t want to read the whole thread.)

Do not marry this pathetic excuse of a ‘partner’

How on earth have you fallen so far down this hole, OP? Of course your mental health is damaged. You’re living with a complete arsehole.

Get out and don’t look back. CMS for maintenance.

He’s never going to marry her. Why would he? It’s got the best of every world now and it’s all on her!

Dear me, i missed that, original poster says her name is on everything EXCEPT mortgage and she has also said she pays the mortgage.

She needs to get out now. What on earth is the fiance spending money on?
She's being used. He'll drop her as soon as she stops paying.

Shocking and sad to read this. I think you’re coming to your senses in that you’ve written a post on here. Can you confide in someone in real life? You need help get rid of him.

This is one of the worst things I have ever read on here. The 'but I love him' is just the icing on the whole shit show.

OP you NEED to speak to Woman's Aid now. They can help you with legal advice, because the cost of it will be impossible for you at the moment.

But you have got to start to understand what an absolute thundercunt this man is. He is stealing from his own children, never mind his so-called partner.

Op is paying the mortgage so she has a beneficial interest in it. Don't tell people incorrect information - op needs to take proper legal advice.

Your finance is a grade A prick and you are being financially abused.
How could you possibly love a piece of shit who doesn't pay a penny for his kids or for his house and food. You might have no self worth but surely you think your kids deserve better than this waste of space.

This
Your post is surreal OP. Reread it and imagine someone else had written it.
You deserve to be loved and cared for and your 'partner' sharing the financial load