Being the only one buying

[Everydayimwingingit]

I just need to rant as I can't help but feeling so angry.
Me and my fiancé have 3 kids together and I absolutely hate this time of year as its always me who pays for everything all year round the food, the utilities, the mortgage, cheap holidays and days out. I earn alot less than him so I've to be careful with money but also try to save up for Christmas as I'm the one who buys all the presents for the kids aswell as mine and his family, October is nearly as bad as my eldest has her birthday and has had a party again which I paid for but I don't mind as it made her happy, I feel like at times I can't buy them decent presents as I'm watching the savings so they end up with quite a few cheap things that end up broke or don't get played with.
We've recently had a baby and it's been so difficult not buying him the clothes that I love as I just can't justify the cost but the main reason for the rant is I've just bought a second hand playmat and got my fiancé to collect it on his way home from work and as soon as he came home he made sure he took the money for it out my purse.

I suffer really badly with mental health since having my ds so I find confrontation extremely difficult but I can just feel the anger building up inside.

Aibu to expect him to atleast help towards some of the bills or even spend time with the kids so I can have a bath in peace

1. Get on some watertight birth control
2. See a solicitor about the house and the effect of you not paying the mortgage. Eg would this affect your credit rating or similar.
3. Speak to Women's Aid (or equivalent in your country)

You don't have to leave or anything now if you can't, but you can get some advice about what help is out there when you are ready.

Personally, I'd confide in a friend and be making active moves to leave with the kids. Get some info on benefits you'd be entitled to so you can budget effectively. Then walk away. He will never pay his way, you'll never be in an equal partnership.

You don't love him. You love the dream of what might have been. You say that once in a while he makes you feel safe. That's not good enough. My dh has made me feel safe and loved every day for almost 40 years. We have both contributed financially, physically, emotionally and in every other way toward creating our home and raising our family.

You have none of this with him. Any man who could watch you struggle with his children and not offer to help is contemptible. He doesn't respect you or your relationship, and where there is no respect there can be no love. He all but ignores the children you've created. He is loathsome. You are being abused. Please look into your options and at the very least STOP paying for everything, today.

So let me get this straight OP:

You pay for everything for the children (children which are equally his as well as yours)
You pay all living costs (ie bills, mortgage, food) - for him as well
You even pay for presents for HIS family at Christmas,

Despite the fact that he earns more than you, and on top of that you're currently on maternity leave?

AND, as if the above wasn't bad enough, he doesn't actually contribute anything towards looking after the children and/or around the house, eg cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

Is that correct OP or am I missing something?

I think you know this isn't ok, it's financial abuse (and maybe abuse in other ways) and frankly it's not at all how relationships are supposed to work. Get rid of him OP, and apply for CMS. Love doesn't even come into this.

How can you love a man who, by your own admission, does not pay for anything or do the housework or play with the children. Where is your self respect? Tell him to shape up or ship out...at least you might get some money from CMS that way. If you are happy with him being a useless, mean, manchild then stop complaining about him.

Why do you keep having children with him? He's not going to change...

Do you really love him. Or do you just love the man you thought he was?

I think you’ve misunderstood @MrSeptember post. They’re absolute right

OP you sound like a good person and a great person. This man does not love you.
Please don't teach your children that this type of behaviour is ok. Don't say they are young, children are perceptive and they learn behaviours from their parents. Good luck

*great mum

It's says nothing for your opinion of yourself if you love a man who mistreats you like this

You are worth so much more - you prove it to me simply by looking after your family and paying the bills - you are a far better person than he is, you deserve a lot better a person to be with

What you are describing is an abusive relationship.

He doesn't love you. He's using you and you keep having children with him.

Contact Women's Aid. Get away from this toxic man.

Leave for goodness sake.

You love him 🙄

Posts like this are absolutely maddening. I think you are likely a fairly intelligent woman OP, if you stay with him you do it with the knowledge that this is what your life is going to look like in the long term.

He's got you properly trapped. Three kids that he doesn't look after, you're paying his mortgage and he's squirreling his money away. And all because you love him...

Spot on.
Sorry op but you are being a total mug.

Be warned - he's setting you up as bad cop with the children, so he can swoop in come separation time, get 50% custody and control all decisions to do with the children (whilst providing inferior care.)

All because he has a penis.

Get advice OP and get going.

For the love of god, stop having children with this man as a first step.

Then leave him. Take what’s yours, claim CMS, and start over.

Paying for a boyfriend’s lifestyle is a ridiculous thing to do- don’t keep compounding that mistake.

You might love him, but he sure as hell does not love you. There is no way out of your situation without facing up to this unpleasant reality.

Leave him and claim benefits. You will be better off.

He earns more than you but is paying absolutely nothing? Not even half the mortgage? This is financial abuse and you need to seek advice and help from charities such as Women's Aid.

I would ask him to leave. He contribtues nothing.

But you had another baby, thus enabling his behaviour..
Better off going it alone

If it’s just your name on the deeds of the house, do not marry him or he’ll have 50% claim to it.

Then kick his ass out he sounds fucking dreadful. I cannot believe he is happy for you to foot the cost of BOTH of yours family while you earn less than him, and also taking the money for his own babies play mat. Disgusting, you deserve better.

Do you solely own the house or does he own it too? If he owns it too then why are only you paying the mortgage??

Apart

It sounds as though it's his house and she is paying his mortgage. Which is INSANE.

If this is correct @Everydayimwingingit he’s taking you for a right mug OP you need to leave this will not get better.