Being the only one buying

[Everydayimwingingit]

I just need to rant as I can't help but feeling so angry.
Me and my fiancé have 3 kids together and I absolutely hate this time of year as its always me who pays for everything all year round the food, the utilities, the mortgage, cheap holidays and days out. I earn alot less than him so I've to be careful with money but also try to save up for Christmas as I'm the one who buys all the presents for the kids aswell as mine and his family, October is nearly as bad as my eldest has her birthday and has had a party again which I paid for but I don't mind as it made her happy, I feel like at times I can't buy them decent presents as I'm watching the savings so they end up with quite a few cheap things that end up broke or don't get played with.
We've recently had a baby and it's been so difficult not buying him the clothes that I love as I just can't justify the cost but the main reason for the rant is I've just bought a second hand playmat and got my fiancé to collect it on his way home from work and as soon as he came home he made sure he took the money for it out my purse.

I suffer really badly with mental health since having my ds so I find confrontation extremely difficult but I can just feel the anger building up inside.

Aibu to expect him to atleast help towards some of the bills or even spend time with the kids so I can have a bath in peace

Honestly it's so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

I know that doesn't help you, and I'm sorry for the situation you've ended up in. But this is just not acceptable in a man and especially not in a father.

💐 You're not being unreasonable to expect help and support from your 'partner'.

You really need to get help as to why you think you love someone who treats you as a meal ticket and something he's scraped off his shoe.

He is financially (at the least) abusing you and is in no way, shape or form any kind of partner

If you separated there is at least a tiny chance you'd get some money out of him but at least you wouldn't be paying FOR him

Please speak to Women's Aid

I’m so confused, I wonder if I must misunderstand your set up…

He pays nothing? He earns more than you and yet you pay every single expense? The mortgage is in his name and yet you pay 100% of it? Presume your not on the deeds? And not married?

I can’t possibly have understood that correctly?

You are being financially abused, and it does sound as if he scare you. As you aren't married you have no claim on the house, so he's being clever in paying that.

Get out of this relationship it's wearing you away.

So the house is in his name?

If you split you would have nothing tangible to show for it and no where to live?

are you actually planning to get married? or are you just engaged with no plans to marry? (genuine question).

What the actual fuck??
What does he contribute financially to your shared life and children? Who pays for groceries and household 'stuff'?
Who owns the house you are paying the mortgage on?
If he isn't paying his own way, plus at least 50% of children's costs (more as presumably you will have had to miss work to have the baby so that should be a shared cost, not just yours) then he is nothing more than a drain on all your resources and you would be financially and emotionally better off alone.
This is assuming you are both working equal-ish hours and there isn't more to the story like he is the primary carer of rhe children and only works part time while you are the full time earner?

Op, so what do you want to do about it as he is unlikely to change ?
Can you envision a lifetime of financial abuse?
What is the point of him?

Why are you choosing this life?

Hugs and support, OP.

Please do get help ASAP, because you know deep down that YANBU. You and your DC deserve so much more.

It sounds like the house is in his name. But the record will show that you have been paying the mortgage whilst providing full support for your DC. A good solicitor might be able to make something of that, and many will offer a free 30 min consultation. Women’s Aid may also have advice about this. So I am somewhat hopeful that if you break up you may be entitled to a share from the sale of the house.

Also, you will be able to apply for Child Maintenance. It’s may not be much but it’s more than you’re getting from the DC’s father now. I suppose you could go ahead and apply for that anyway, but doing so would probably force a breakup.

Every single person who has written in so far has supported you in the strongest terms. There is a good reason for that (If this comment brings out any trolls, just ignore them). Very best wishes

Mist of the time he DOESNT make you feel happy and safe. You just dissociate the reality because most if your life is pointlessly being taken up worrying about finances.

Stop paying for his stuff and his family gifts. Sit down with your finances and try to figure out if you can msnage.

You can’t keep mr boy toy without groveling and killing yourself to hold on to him. He is selfish, stingy, indifferent, manipulative. So decide if its worth sacrificing every scrap of self respect to hang on to him for a few crumbs of attention. Because that is all he offers.

Sounds stupid and financially abusive to me. Your partners and have children together, He pays half. That it. If he dosnt get rid.

You need to accept that you do not have a partner.
You have a cock lodger.

Please do not marry him.

at least you will get some money from him when you split up as he will have to pay CMS

do not have any more children with him.

I'm sorry, OP, but this man is AWFUL. I'm assuming you struggle with self-esteem issues but please see that you deserve better than this absolute twat who's leeching off you.

You don't have a fiance, you have a cocklodger who got you pregnant several times.

Another one ☹️

Please read the posts about asking women’s aid if there’s a lawyer you can see re the fact you’ve been paying the mortgage, in case you can get something back from this loser.

OP, you know this isn't right. It's time for an ultimatum. He starts paying half of everything from today (a bargain, since he makes more), or you split up.

How can you love someone who doesn't put your or your children first?

Not wanting to kick you when you're down, buy you deserve so much better than him, and so do your dc.

Are you not named on the mortgage at all? Because if not you need to stop paying it now and make plans to run for the hills.

He doesn’t love you or make you feel safe. He makes you feel on edge and then gets you pregnant to show home much he “cares”. He’s a freeloading cunt.

Sort out some rock-solid contraception, leave him and put in a CMS claim. You’re already paying for everything so you will be able to afford rent somewhere else.

hold on you are paying a mortgage for a house that isn’t in your name at all

you aren’t safe you have no money and no property rights at all and he is taking you for an absolute ride

change the bills to his name and leave

Am I reading this right? The house is in his name but you pay the mortgage, you're not married, you have 3 kids together and you pay for everything?

Contact women's aid asap. You are in an abusive relationship. You do not love him and he sure as hell doesn't love you.

Why exactly are you with him? What exactly is he bringing to the table

Why isn’t he transferring you money each month to your account if he is so incapable of actually paying a bill

The whole relationship looks more like mother and child than partners

If he was on his own he would need to pay his own bills and pay you CM

I would get him out of your house and take him to court for CM. That way you have court ordered documentation on what he has to pay and when he can see dc (who I presume at least one of them is his)

You might love him but he clearly doesn’t love you. Remember actions are what shows you someone loves you, words are cheap words can be lies

If he can’t afford stuff and he earns more than you then I am wondering what or who is he spending his money on

Before doing anything I would try at least to get a copy of his payslip and bank account and any other paperwork he has to show what he has going in and coming out, including his car payments etc that way you have proof when it comes to CM

Failing that I would give him notice to leave.

The money he paid you at the start I would always refer that to him paying for his children, children’s clothes, food shopping, etc Don’t mention about paying towards the mortgage repayments

This guy is someone who you might love and are sacrificing yourself and your children’s well being to keep him housed and fed and washed but he wouldn’t p*ss on the lot of you if you were on fire

Total cocklodger who is draining you dry

Why do you keep having babies with this useless man? How can you afford to?

Honestly I have never encountered anyone IRL who is such a ridiculous position as you are, OP.

I was complaining on here about absent parents who are not made to financially support their children - but a parent who is living in the same home, earning not contributing? What sort of a person does that??

Is this not a cocklodger?

How could/would he explain this to his family and friends? Does he pretend he contributes / helps with the kids?

Has he EVER paid his way?

Honestly, this has blown my tiny mind.

What the fuck have I just read? Sorry haven't rtft but this is horrendous. This is awful financial abuse.