If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

I had DS at 43, and am now 68. For lots of reasons, we're only just started to plan our retirement. Physically, we can still do and enjoy everything we did 10 years ago. There are some health issues, but nothing that limits us very much.

and dd will be much more independent

When she’s taking her GCSEs and applying to university or for apprenticeships, or whatever the 18+ equivalent may be? She’ll need you more than ever …

I’m 56 and had ds at 41, he turns 16 at Christmas. Yes it’s easier in some ways now he’s more independent, but he is quite a busy boy and we spend a lot of time at football training/matches. He is in GCSE year and needs help organising revision, he also does a lot of drama and wants help with learning pieces, auditions etc.. so life feels really busy! Teens can be just as needy as toddlers but just in a different way!

Obviously we can have nights out without needing babysitters which is great. And he goes out with mates, tomorrow he’s travelling 2 hours on the train to London by himself to meet a friend down there. In a few years he’ll be leaving home, it’s a weird feeling.

I am 52. Had my kids quite early, so they are young adults, one working and one in last year of uni. I have a lot more time to myself, go travelling, walk a lot, and am out three days a week on my own or with DH. In some ways I feel like I am having the time of my life.

Am in good health though I have some extra weight around my belly which refuses to budge. Not overweight though. DH is 56 and not in quite such good health thanks to a genetic condition. Will probably retire in a couple of years or scale down, and then work on his health.

What I did not anticipate was housing costs in London, which have meant that both DC still living with us. That is difficult sometimes, though also fun sometimes.

@RandomersAssociation Yes I realise that, but more independent than a 6 year old😂 as in, we can have a few nights out/in alone and maybe some mini breaks away, thats all

You will certainly be having a few nights out and mini breaks by the time you are 56. But you may also miss your DC and beg them to spend time with you ( I know this sounds unlikely right now).

The best its ever been. My children are gown up but still close by, and we are excellent friends. We go out together and on holiday, to gigs, on city breaks and have great fun. I have DGC that I see every day so still get the joy of younger DC without the hard graft.
My job has got better paid and easier (paid now for responsibility not activity!) and my experience and knowledge means I'm treated with great respect, which is lovely and flattering.
I'm lucky with my health, though I put some work in and live a squeaky clean life to keep it that way.
I have fabulous friends of all ages who I've known from 50 years to 6 months and everything in between and I have loads of time to enjoy their company. None of them care about the silly preoccupations of competition and drama that spoils friendships in younger years. We just live our lives and have fun.
I go where i want when i want, work rest or play as the fancy takes me, and all the time treated as this wise person worthy of respect (which makes me laugh a bit) but still young enough to be 'relevant'. There really are no downsides at the moment, and as long as my health holds the future looks pretty bright too.

This is what I was going to say.

Believe me, they need you around at 16.
I wouldn't be going away for 'a few mini breaks' and leaving a 16 yr old home alone either.

I mean, yes, you can go out for an evening, but life with a 16 yr old is very different from life with a 26 yr old.

I’m late 50s. Had DC pretty young so we’ve had an empty nest for quite a while and love it. I retired early due to health issues and DH runs his own business so can suit himself. We both have a lot of separate interests but also do stuff together- a puppy ensures that!

We are aware that we’ve settled into the lifestyle of people a bit older ( though almost all our friends are retired at our age roughly) so we are shaking it up by moving house soon.

All in all life is pretty good though we’ve had some major challenges along the way.

To an extent life is what you make it. If you want to travel, take breaks and follow your interests you should keep doing so around your DC’s needs. Having children shouldn’t mean having to give everything up, though I recognise that’s not what you’ve said.

In my late 50’s the DC’s were mostly independent and we were looking after elderly parents

Looking after my mum is on my horizon so trying to make the most of my life now.

@NewName24 At 16 I stayed at friends for the weekends and went away, does that not happen now? Surely by then dh and I can manage one night away or are you implying that’s bad parenting, considering we’ve not had one night out together in 6 years (i’m ok with that btw as want to spend all my time with dd) I was curious about how the future may look

Of course you can have a night away.
If I were you I would also go on solo trips away now and take it in turns.

@NewName24 Also, I did say 16-18, by 17 I was never at home and practically lived at my boyfriends house

We were enjoining going for walks along the coast every weekend, going for weekends away. Thought a dog would fit into our lifestyle, not had one before. However, it’s Felt like going back to square I’ve - loss of independence and freedom. Two years down the line, things have improved, but hes a reluctant travel so work around him being at home.

I am 55. DD is almost 20 and just went to university and DS is in year 11. I’m fit and active. I’m going travelling with a friend after Christmas for7 weeks. I can go out or away when I like!

I'm 59, husband 62 ( second marriage. . Together 23 years)
Children aged 30 and 31 ( from first marriage). Both boys.Both married for several years and youngest son has 2 children aged 2.5 and 9 months.
Retired at 55.
Own big house outright. Two cars ( 2021 plates).
Multiple holidays each year.Lots of hobbies.Children live 10 minutes and 20 minutes away so we do a lot of childcare( both grandchildren every Monday.Son and DIL have been to 5 weddings this year so both children for 2 day sleepover each time)
Go out on a date once per week.
Having an absolute ball.

I had ds at 45. I am now 61, he is 16.

I am a single mum and life is pretty good. I am for and healthy, can work as I please, my only restriction now is not being away over night regularly (ds would not get up in time for school). I can organise overnights occasionally.

My mortgage is nearly finished (18 months). Ds is happy & settled, doing a.levels. He wants to study civil engineering. Pressures are dropping. The future is taking form. I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I will retire once ds is settled in university. I may even look for a new partner. 🙂

54 with sons nearly 14 and 17

We can go out for coffee together now leaving one or both kids at home. We’ve had a night away this year and went on a very belated honeymoon in the Summer without them ( they did a combination of staying with family and sleepovers) . We’re having the romantic times we didn’t have the energy for years ago.

We had our first and only child late on. At 14, he was happy to be left overnight alone (we also have a dog). He had the option to stay with grandparents who live a one minute walk away, but wanted to stay home and was happy to do so. All kids are different you will have to play it by ear, you both need to be comfortable.

This is a super interesting thread, I'm 40 with an 8year old and 2 year old, I'm always knackered as I work full time and feel like everything is a juggle. Nice to hear this doesn't last forever as it feels like it 🤣

I had my (only) child at 41. I'm now 68. Those early years were physically hard, but I think it's even more challenging emotionally speaking when they start to grow up. But yeah it's nice to have time for myself again and adult children are great

I had Dc at 40 / 43

My 50s were full on at work , full on supporting teen activities etc, but also enjoying travel that they enjoyed, we paid off the mortgage so felt better financially.

The teens were getting into their own things, I was starting to go out more to ‘my’ things and had more time for activities and outings with my friends.

Good times!

I’m only 51 , I have a 25 year old who has left home , but I have ds 19 and dd2 15 who both have autism, I will be honest , I was hoping to get a bit of “ me back by now , but parenting is as full on as ever .

Some of us left home at 16. If a 16 year old can't cope for a few days in their own home the parents have done a poor job.