If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

A 16-year -old can certainly cope as long as not in middle of GCSEs or something stressful event.

@5128gap this is literally my dream! Currently mid 40s with a gaggle of teens, we often daydream about all the things we will do when they’ve all left home. Gigs and mini breaks aplenty 😁

No need to try and put words in my mouth that I didn't say.
I didn't imply anyone was a bad parent.

Although I don't understand parents proudly saying "We've not had one night out in six years" - that's an odd way to live your life IMO, but each to their own.

You asked what life would be like. I think some of us are pointing out that your age (which you've asked about in the title) is only part of the equation. The age of your dc is relevant too.
There is also a difference between your dd staying at a friend's while you are away one night, and your earlier suggestions of minibreaks being a semi regular thing.

You asked for people's thoughts.......

I am 59, my 3 DC are 29, 31 and 33, eldest is happily engaged and living with his fiance, my middle son is married and lives not far from me (he is taking me to the cinema tonight :). My youngest daughter has just got engaged and bought her first home, hopes to move in before Christmas.

I split with their father after 28 years together, and I am now busier than ever. I see each of my grown up DC and their partners regularly, still work from home and have a very balanced content life.

I think mine took a while to move out though. My eldest left home at 29 and my daughter is the same age as he was, my other son didn't come back after Uni as he met his wife there and then they got a place together and then married.

This weekend I spent Saturday with my eldest and his wife, we went out shopping and for a meal and tonight my middle son is taking me to the cinema, so never lonely :)

My DC barely spend time with me..Too busy with their studies and own friends
Do they come back in mid or late twenties? Hope so.

Kids 14,17 and 22. We’ve never been so busy with driving them around. GCSE’s, college, uni open days etc. They have more of a social life than we do. We do get to go out but think it will be a few more years before be get totally “free” of parenting.

We are perfectly content. We see our grown up children x grandchild every week or so, have replaced them with our dogs (😊). We walk alot, can afford more restaurant meals and takeaways as it's only the 2 of us, having the remote control to ourselves is still a source of joy we enjoy TV. Can have lie ins, see friends much more. Only 2 loads of washing a week, no late night pick ups from gigs, shopping bill is much cheaper, many positives but.....I'd have them all little again in a heartbeat.

Definitely easier than when they were little, but until they leave leave home, not just go temporarily to uni, I feel like you are still in a bit of an active parenting role, and even then they may spring back these days.

I love them being around but older, ideal for the odd night out but still enough family life/

I agree we don’t have mini breaks leaving the nearly 16 year old alone! A day out or night out certainly.

I'm mid 5s and my life is harder than its ever been

One teenager who has special needs and a mid 20s child unemployed with mh issues

An elderly mother who is extremely needy, a business that went tits up due to Covid and zero savings now means I'm working two jobs

I'm knackered thanks to menopause and tbh I've accepted I'll never be able to retire, go on holiday or have nice things again unless someone wins the lottery

Also hugely child-dependent, some 16 year olds would be fine and sensible, some can't manage and some would be gleeful and that's exactly why you can't leave them alone!

@timesaretough , that sounds similar to my situation.

Three teens, 16-19. There's a lot of taxiing around and waiting up for them to get home safely. I think I'll be a while until the more freedom stage comes.

Yes your 16 year old might have sleep overs at friends and that’s great, love it when ds goes on a sleepover (although in gcse year there’s a lot of studying they need to do). But home alone all night by himself, or for a weekend, actually no we would not be comfortable with that, and he wouldn’t want that either.

I've just turned 58 2 weeks ago and DP is 60 in 2 weeks.
All our DC (his 3 my 1) all adults ages 37-24 range.
It's brilliant! We do whatever we like (business allowing of course). We're at this moment waiting to see a favourite stand up comic that we've travelled a few hours to see with no ties at all.

I’m 57, a single parent, and my children are 19 and 15. Older one is away at uni - still needs quite a lot of support with admin etc, but day to day he’s obviously independent. DS2 is in his GCSE year, and I’m run ragged! Sport, more sport, lifts here and there, school meetings, information evenings, revisions sessions etc. It’s a master juggling act and is actually harder than it was several years ago. BUT he is more independent now, in that he can be left alone for the evening, makes his own way home from school, lets himself in, can make his own meals if I’m out, helps with chores etc, and of course I can have weekend lie-ins when I want to (except in reality it doesn’t happen as he has football).

But if you’re hoping for weekends away as a couple OP, city breaks in Europe without kids, hours at weekends/evenings to chill out watching TV - well in my experience it doesn’t happen. Teens are needy, and you ignore them at your peril!

54 here, we had our family early, they’re all through Uni and have flown the nest now although we’re still close to them all. We do a lot of travelling as two children live abroad and we visit 4/5 times a year when it suits them. We please ourselves really, have meals out and socialise a lot. This will change a bit next year when our first grandchild is born as we’ve offered childcare when mum goes back to work. They both work shifts and both sets of grandparents are more than happy to cover the crossovers they have.

I have begun to realise I am very lucky to not have to give lifts because London and we all take public transport everywhere.

This is exactly my experience. In some ways it’s easier when they’re younger and they don’t do so much!

It's soul destroying that the years I thought I'd be able to enjoy are turning into something that is so awful. My only saving grace is I'm in fairly decent health and if that continues at least I'll be able to keep a roof over my head and food on the table even though it's getting harder and harder

Im 57 & DH is 56. 2nd marriage for us both . I have 3 grown up dc. 39. 36 & 32 & 5 gdc, Dh has dd 25 and 1 gdc.
I also have an elderly mam who is 86 in dec but still very independant and fit & well. We both work full time, dh is self employed and still have a mortgage as bought house together in our late 40,s.
So between work and all other family we dont have a lot of spare time but do try to get a couple of holidays per year.
Life is good and we adore the gdc but i do feel a bit guilty as i dont babysit the gdc as much as their in laws do but they dont work as they are retired. I do admit. As i had my dc young. Late 30s and 40s i had more freedom but im happy and not complaining..

I’m mid 50s. I have spent the last four or five years looking after aging/sick/dying patents. It’s worse than looking after children!

I'm guessing you mean 7 days not weeks?

Mine are 6th formers. It's lovely to know we could go out if we wanted to and I do go away with friends for a night or two once or twice a year.

The thing is OP - and others may not agree with me, but this is my view - when they’re little it’s soooo full on. You just crave moments of peace, nights without disturbance, head space, adult time, lie ins. You know everything about their lives, who they see, what they do, what they eat, what they like, who their friends are. Your worlds are entwined and it’s overwhelming at times.

But as they get older it changes - they go to secondary school, you don’t know their friends, they get secretive, they have phones, they have a whole life that you don’t really know about. And they lose interest in you. So rather than rushing out of school to tell you about their day, they dump their bag and head to their bedroom, with maybe a passing grunt. They reappear to ask you for a lift somewhere!

Then they start going out. You might not know what they’re doing, where they’re going, who they’re with, what they’re drinking, smoking, who they’re having sex with, and where!

Suddenly the idea of them disappearing for a weekend doesn’t seem so appealing . It becomes scary! And if they actually do feel like having a chat with you, you enjoy it, and make the most of it.

Depends on the child. No way could I leave my year 11 for 7 weeks after Xmas before the exams.