If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

You're scary.

I'm 55 and DP is 59. Children are all early to mid 20's and working.

We holiday as a couple now, have lots of weekends away and nights out at the theatre and gigs, meals etc.

We go out with the kids and girlfriends for an odd meal every so often but to be honest they are busy with their own lives and we rarely do much all together.

It's great.

@yeaitsmeagain is enjoying being really quite unpleasant across a few threads today.

Struggling a bit launching adult children.

Mid 50's and ready to retire.

I need them to fly the nest.

I don’t think you can plan when your life is likely to free up op, your child could have mental health issues as so many do or other issues.

I too wonder why you are so keen to count down. You are experiencing the best years now. Your dd is a gorgeous age, and when you get to our age you will miss those days terribly!

We have a good life, and love hanging out with our kids. Don’t wish it away op. It goes by in a flash as it is.

I had 18yo DD when I was 38. DH was 46.
She still needs us for support in times of school stress, when a bit of mothering doesn’t hurt! I try to give advice in a non-confrontational way but she is an adult now and is allowed to make mistakes. We have been involved in her choice of University course but didn’t have to veto anything.

She has her own social life (so we’re free to do our own thing) but tells us where she’s going and who with. She doesn’t drink (really, she doesn’t!) or like the experimental scene.
No curfew but a general time to be back that she can phone and extend. It’s also clear that she can phone and we’ll come for any problem that can’t be covered by her emergency 20 Euros.
More freedom will come when she passes her driving test and can use my car. She’s been left in charge of the house/dog for a week (15+) and loved it. This Easter she’s going to London for 5 days alone. I expect she’ll still enjoy free family holidays while at University (DS is still invited, too).

DH and I do whatever we feel like, keeping the family in the loop via WhatsApp. Solo trips, hobbies, days out. The dog is something to work around as he can’t be left in kennels but we knew that when we got him.

In many ways I’ve kept my children young for their age, one of the risks of older parenting IMO. Being a bilingual family, Mum is their focal point for English, but the maturity imbalance leveled out when they all had to face the same exams!
DS had no teenage rebellious phase but got a bit lost in 2nd year of University. DD was pulled out of a bad school situation by a massive parental intervention over lockdown at the age of 13. Hopefully that was the end of it…

So yes, they still need you at 18 but it’s a sliding scale. I think you phase out your parenting step by retractable step and make each milestone towards independence clear.

53 had DD15 at 37.

Really busy, I have a full on career and she is in GCSE year so constantly monitoring what she's doing.

I did part time board her two nights a week from year 7 in her private girls school so I can travel for work and as an only child she gets to be more independent.

She loves it and has decided for 6th form she wants to board 4 nights. So I guess I'll double down on career for another couple of years and might have a bit of time for myself.

Weekends are lovely, might walk to the pub for a couple of pints late Saturday afternoon, she may or may not come for a Coke.

Lovely family holidays!

I never regret having her a bit later, I've been a lone parent for most of it so being later in career on better money has been helpful.

I agree with this.

None of us can predict what your life will be like.
Anything can happen to any of us at any point - good or bad. It might be a terrible accident or being struck down by illness or a medical event such as heart attack or a stroke, or it might be a lottery win, an unexpected inheritance, or a long forgotten Premium Bond come up.
It might be that your dd is out all the time, or leaves home, or becomes ill, or it might be she is very much a homebody, or she might end up being the perfect balance of confidence, ability and wanting exactly the same amount of contact as you want to give her. None of us know what the future holds.

Enjoy the stage of life you are at now. Make plans to go out with your dh occasionally NOW, don't wait until your dd is of an age when you can leave her without an adult.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea I agree that it’s important to gradually increase their independence during the teen years, especially if they plan to leave home for university. Otherwise you’re leaving a clueless 18-year-old to flounder!

DS (16) can navigate public transport and we’ve left him overnight once (with the dog) when we visited some friends. We told our immediate neighbors and they kindly offered to be his emergency contact if he was worried about anything.

He was fine, thoroughly enjoyed chilling at home. He spent the afternoon with a friend and then I suspect that he played online with his friends until late. He knows that having a party isn’t on, we know all our neighbors and they’d definitely tell on him. 😂

I'm 58, 3 dc are in 20s, all left home, all doing very well. But I miss them desperately.

We have no money worries. Mortgage paid off.

DH has a long term illness.

I have 6 needy elderly relations.

So, I have freedom in theory but unable to enjoy it because of the above factors.

I can afford to retire but I'm hesitant because I think the elderly relations would take advantage. I feel so guilty for this.

@nobblybobbbly if you choose to retire or reduce your hours, you don't need to tell everybody!

I had my DDs at 41 & 42. DD1 is sixteen tomorrow 🎉🎉🎉 I love the growing up them. I’ve always been a single parent with little family support. I can do things independently now. Shopping, socialising etc I wouldn’t change any of it 😊

@Motnight Really odd, isnt it?!

I'm 53. 2 grown up and married kids and one in 3rd year of uni. I have complete freedom to do as I wish. Go travelling for at least a month at a time. ( Took DS last time)Stay at my boyfriend's place when I want . After 33 years I can be myself

You are asking about us 😀. We had ds at 39/38 followed by dd at 41/40 due to infertility issues too. I’m 56 and dh is 55 and it’s great. The kids are 17 & 15 but very much home birds, ds loves being ‘home alone’ on his Xbox etc without us there. The do most socialising on-line but they’re relatively independent, dd might want lifts -we’re really rural and ds will hopefully learn to drive soon.We can also do more grown up activities with them, dd & I love going to see a show & a trip out while ds & dh love going to watch motor racing. Also we’ve paid off our mortgage now so finances are allowing us to do more. Dh & I can come & go as we please, so far they’ve not stayed at home overnight alone but we have come home very late - they’ve waited up for us! 🥴. It’s our 25th wedding anniversary this summer so we’ve told the kids we’ll be going away without them, so we’ll see how that goes.

Late 50s. Had youngest child at 42. Youngest still in secondary. I love having my "baby" at home still. It's a cliche but I feel younger because of them. I'm lucky because all 3 have been/were very easy teens, good communicators, no big problems which may be in part because we were older parents. Most of my friends are older parents so I see it as the norm. We're financially secure too which helps.

Hope you don’t experience this, but my 16 year old DD has had a late autism diagnosis and has additional mental health issues so is not very independent yet. She doesn’t really need or want a sitter but also can’t spend long on her own so am less able to go out in the evenings than I was when she was younger. Looking forward to this easing up as she matures and recovers hopefully!

I'm 58 and husband is 62. Our son will be 21 in Jan next year. He is currently at Uni (lives at home) has a part time job and an internship alongside his study. The best bit for us was when he passed his driving test and got a car so no more lifts here, there and everywhere. We can also leave him and go away for a mini break as he is pretty independent. In extremis, we have an agreement with our neighbour that he can contact them if something needs attention before we can get home.

Also love the fact that we can go away in term time so everything is cheaper!

I had ds at 40. I used our ivf struggles to build my savings and in doing so have probably made myself a target for Labour’s budget this week. But in any case having more saved now gives you more financial freedom in the future.

Having said that be prepared for the unexpected. One of my friends had her ds at 44 and dd at 46 but athen became a grandmother in her early 60s. She’s 65 now and provides care for 4 grandkids.

I’m a bit older at 63 and my three children are adults with partners and good jobs. I’ve reduced my working time to two days a week.
But. I now have a needy 95 year old dad who would like me to be there 24/7 (I live 100 miles away) and tells me daily that he can’t cope. From age 60 he and mum were travelling the world and I hardly saw them.
I had planned to be fully retired by now and to have bought my house abroad, but I can’t so might as well carry on working.
Ive never been particularly close to my father and we are very different and, I may be roasted for this, I do actually resent being made to feel guilty for never quite doing enough.

I had kids in my 20s, divorced, re-married and had another at 38. She's now in her second year at university. Life is good - mortgage nearly paid off, holiday booked at an adult only resort, can go out without having to worry about babysitters (though I've got beautiful grandchildren I babysit now and again), lie in when I want, spare money to treat ourselves (not rich though). I'm 57 and after years of putting the kids first and being skint and stressed I'm enjoying life - though I would give everything I own to go back in time for one hour to when they were little!!

That seems very unfair the expectation that you will do the care work when your father has not been there for you. Please don’t feel guilty. It sounds like you are being used.

Looking after parents now.

56 with 2 adult sons who have both bought their own properties in the last couple of years. We had them fairly young so we have been able to holiday alone for years and have always had nights out as our parents were always happy to babysit. Once they were early-mid teens, we were out lots more as no longer needed babysitters.
DH took early retirement 3 years ago and I’ve decided to retire in 6 months time. We plan to eat out a lot and travel lots too. Life is the best it’s ever been 😀

My 21 year old developed epilepsy at 14. So you think now when your child is 6 you'll have more time later but we have to work around someone being with him as he only works part time due to his seizures. Life can turn on its head in the blink of an eye.