If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

The same as your life was before you had a child presumably??

I’m 58, DH is 60. All children late 20s/early 30s. DH returned to work last year after we both retired just before Covid. We’d had a year of going on great holidays, pleasing ourselves etc, then 2 years of not being able to do anything. Now, I look after our 4-year old GD two days a week and have done since she was born. Having been tied to school holidays for the last 3 years (DIL is a teacher), next year when GD starts school, we can start having term time holidays again, doing more or less what we like (as long as DH has enough annual leave!). Three cruises booked already 😂

@CommonAsMucklowe Would it be though when I’ll be a fair bit older?

Yes I agree with this.

I used to dream of escaping off for a night in hotel in the younger years.

I don’t think so, especially not when DC are still at school/college.

Also depends on own health, ageing parents etc. Very different life stage.

I’m 55, I have a 21 and 23 year olds. They end up relying on parents more than when we grew up. We had so much more independence. Social media, covid and more involved parenting has left us with a generation a lot less independent.

Speaking as another mum who had her child at 40, I think there’s research to suggest older mums do raise more independant and confident kids. So the same issues that present as problems to younger parents don’t really apply to older ones.

I don’t see any difference in my circle in terms of age v independence. I was not old nor young but somewhere in the middle. A lot of my older friends are seriously exhausted doing the very late 1am party pick ups, the long drives to uni and back and parenting in general. So possibly that’s why they are leaving the dc to it to some degree, which I have to say is not ideal or safe sometimes. It’s not independent parenting as such but exhaustion and necessity.

I feel our generation’s children are much more supported with great relationships with their parents. They are not forced to become independent before they are ready.
Its a good thing.

Parenting teens is much harder than little kids.

I think op is potentially much further away from the carefree life than she thinks ( if it ever comes!)

We are always doing party drop offs and pick ups. We are fortunate that our children have lots of friends - some parents have teens stuck in their rooms all of the time, which is a bigger worry tbh.

We often have to wait up to the early hours to know they are safe. We often don’t know where they are at all (19/21 year olds) and you don’t stop loving them and check out the minute they are older, or at least you shouldn’t.

They spend much more time at home than at uni! Eat for England constantly cooking night and day unless they have an ED, which is common, they have a view on everything and with elderly ill parents on both sides in the mix it’s no picnic!
Going away for the weekend can feel like more trouble than it’s worth and that’s just with normal trustworthy teens - I haven’t mentioned the ones with drug issues, mental health problems, unwanted pregnancies, self harming, dodgy boyfriends you don’t know about and driving!

Enjoy getting a good nights sleep whilst you still know where your dd is and who with!! Such lovely days of knowing they are safe.

Had our only DC at 30 and now both mid-50s. He’s moved out and working (3 years). We’re both still working too hard but difficult to do PT in our fields. Plus we have no private pension (silly mistake!) so will need to work for longer. Elderly mum so spare time visiting and helping her. We have been free for a while to do more and we have done when work and money permits. Good set of friends although several now having relationship issues (post kids moving out) and splitting up. I think the mid 40s were great as DC was becoming more independent but we didn’t have worry of parents. We’re both in good health apart from the odd niggle here and there!

Yes that is definitely a thing. 70% of my friends are either separated or divorced, some are also sadly widowed. Some have cancer or are recovering, had heart attacks etc. Once the dc leave home many marriages struggle for sure.

I'm 54. Had our DDs in our early 30s. Still very happily married to DH. Thanks to DH's business success and a huge inheritance we never have to worry about money. He's looking to retire soon and we plan to do a lot of travelling.

DD1 graduated from art school this year and has just bought an apartment with her boyfriend in her university town. They're very happy.

DD2 is still at university but she's already climbing the corporate ladder with a placement year with one of the Big Four. She's living her best life, working hard and partying hard.

Now we're empty nesters DH and I are enjoying our 2nd honeymoon. We have lots of weekends breaks away, eat out most days and spend time with friends who are all empty nesters too.

Life is very good and we're very privileged.

Do they still come home? What do you plan to do for the long holidays with the younger one?

We hope to get a place overseas and wondered how you juggle that and also support and be there for uni aged kids? We are lucky ours come home often to visit.

I am that person. Still very involved in our childrens lives, dropping and collecting.

I have a friend with an only child and over the years her daughter has stayed here from about 10, so that they can have a night away. She's no trouble.

You could well meet a mum friend whose daughter is a similar age via school and do sleepovers when they are 10-12, so that you both have a night off.

I'm 55 and my DC are 35 and 33. I'm glad I had them young as, all being well, we've still got a lot of years left together. And if we don't have a lot of years left then at least I was still around well into their adulthood!

I don't (and won't have) any elderly parent responsibilities so I'm totally free to do what I want. I did a lot of travelling and stuff through my 40's which was fun. But I've been hammered a bit by peri now. Hoping to perk up a bit again once I'm through the other side.

Life is pretty good, I can't complain. I don't have a partner but I don't really want one. I think I prefer being single. Especially when I read some of the threads on here! I have a very low stress life and want to keep it that way.

They don't all come and hang around home during uni holidays you know. DS in-between year 1 and 2 was working at a summer camp in Austria for 6 weeks followed by.sone backpacking in Europe.

Between year 2 and 3 he was in Thailand for a month ( so was I at the time but not stuck together 24/7 and working in his uni town. His accomodation was available 48 weeks of the year.

Now he is in 3rd year and moved into a flat with his girlfriend who has graduated.

Oh and he's had his own car since starting uni so no picking up dropping off etc

Very close to my experience.
We had greatv20's to mid 30's travelling the world and making money.
Having children late is not for the faint hearted.
Hard as the sleepless nights are, raising teens is very full on, and we are lucky with ours.
Perhaps an only is more straightforward but 3-4 is very busy. I am a year off 60 with a teen and wonderful as she absolutely is, I wouldn't recommend it.

You really do pay for your freedom in the earlier years with extra worries like health etc.

Yes they often come home which is lovely. They're both genuinely good company and we all have the same (very dry) sense of humour. We still take them on holiday with us. We did Cornwall in the Summer, we're all going to New York in December and we're planning a family trip to Japan next Spring. They also holiday with their own friends too. DD2 if off skiing in the New Year and DD1 is off to Prague just after Boxing Day.

I didn’t ask where you were going on holiday, I asked what you plan to do with young dd when you are travelling for months at a time? Do you plan to come back or is she expected to stay at home alone or spend her time following you?
We are interested in doing something similar but I am hesitant because uni aged kids often need us at short notice.

Last year a girl in the halls died from meningitis and her parents were in Asia - my dd was in bits and she was also ill. We were able to be there in 3 hours to collect her and have her checked out medically.

The year before a young boy took his own life. The issue is that they don’t suddenly stop needing us, I have had to really support my 3 in uni and still have another to go.

So what is different between an18/19/20 year old at uni or one of the same age who lives and works independently? Or is it just that once you give birth then you are expected to do nothing " just in case" the offspring might need you?

When does it stop?20/30/40/60?

I'm 54 and live alone. I have a good job and I enjoy my independence. My DS is a graduate and has a good job as well so he's financially independent. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a partner, but that feeling is rather ephemeral

I would think judging by my own experience, assuming you aren’t being a sarcastic twit, that it will be once all have established networks and support systems in university towns or have significant support in an emergencies- someone that can drive to them if they are injured or seriously ill etc. So usually year 2/3 but even then I would want to see dc for reading weeks and holidays, so I am not entirely sure whether extensive overseas travel works hence my question!

I'm 52 with 4-year old twins. Life is very busy, since I work full-time and am a single mum, with very little down-time.
I don't mind though, since I had all my 20s and 30s to travel, etc. So now I'm happy to focus on kids and work. My parents are in their 90s, and both healthy and live independently, but of course I help them out too.
I'm in a high-paying role, so plan to retire about 62, and will be there to taxi my kids around, help with any school work, etc.

How did you manage toddlers x 2 post 50?? In awe tbh.

57, DH now 60. I'm retired, he works. No children, one feisty cat. We used to spend most weekends doing DIY on the house, but it is all done up now.

Evenings are quiet...we are in a very rural area, so usually home cooked dinners, crossword puzzles/board games around the woodstove. I play the piano, and he likes to listen. In the warmer months, we sit outside with a cup of tea and watch the sun set over the fields, we garden and take walks. 2-3 weeks holiday a year, some hotel, some in our caravan, and a couple weekends away.

Now we are spending weekends cleaning out his mum's house as she recently passed. After that, I'd like more weekends away and travel as we were fortunate to inherit. And probate went through, just before the budget announcement!

We don't plan on doing anything with DD2 while we travel. Why would we? She might still be at university, but is 21 soon, a fully functioning adult with loads of friends and a very busy life of her own. Why would we need to do anything with her?