If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

We are both 54 (DH 8 months older than me). Three DC aged 25, 24 and 15. DC2 and 3 live at home. We also have a dog. Mortgage paid off over a decade ago (on a 85k 3 bed semi bought in '02).

We get away quite frequently for hotel breaks away, for two or three nights B and B, leaving DCs 2 and 3 with the dog. We don't usually stay in expensive hotels though, just Premier Inns or Travelodge a. Only rarely will we push the boat out and stay somewhere that costs £100+ for B and B for both of us.

We also have a touring caravan which we use to go away for longer breaks, two or three times a year.

My health is reasonable, I think, went through menopause at 44, with no major problems. I don't take HRT. I do have limited mobility due to nerve damage in my foot from an injury, so I need a stick to walk with, even then it's tiring. I'm not in pain though, so life could be worse. 🤷‍♀️

I’m 45 but DH is 60. DS is 17, DD is 14 so he was 43 and 46 when kids came along. He worked shedloads when they were young and built up his business. Missed lots of parents evenings and events etc but reaps benefits now as works far less and mainly from home.
DH now does far more around the house and really enjoys spending time with the kids.
Kids are at the age where they are home but see friends or go out a fair bit. We could definitely leave them overnight or go out for evening, day whatever and they’d be fine.
DH has spent hours this week (half term) with DD practicing driving - something he now has time to do.
Both teens have their moments but are a lot more self sufficient and fun to be with. We have a really nice relationship with DD. DS can be a bit more prickly at times and likes his own space but he’s fine overall. We help with homework and lifts and do the majority of the cooking but they are able to help a bit with chores or cooking. I think it keeps you young having kids around and although lots of DH’s similar age friends have adult kids that have left home he would not change a thing. It is helped a lot by working far less admittedly. DH’s parents both died a few years back so he is not torn trying to be in all places at once.

DH and DD love skiiing so do that together. DS and I don’t love it so do our own thing. You can definitely have more flexible holidays the older they get. We did a week away with DD and left DS with grandparents to check in each day last year (DS was 16 and had exams) and that went well. You def have more freedom to do most things by the time they’re mid-teens. Hope that helps.

Had DD1 at 37 and DD2 at 42.

Now mid 50s. This year has been life changing, can now leave them at home to go out with DH - we've been having a grand time at gigs, theatre and dinner out. Been good for us.

Parenting still full on, just different - more about emotional support, and still being the taxi of choice!

I found when they were late teens, there was a lot of dropping off, picking up for college, work, friends, shopping etc, we're very rural so more relentless than when they were younger.

Getting them driving and independent is key to your freedom, once they can get themselves around, there's so much freedom. Also making sure they have life skills like cooking meals - you would be amazed at teenagers that can't do this.

Mine have left home now (23 & 26), I'm 53, I have freedom to not have to consider the logistics of the whole family, just me, DH and the dogs! That's the main thing for me, life is more stress free.

I'm 56 but I had my DC at 32 and 34 so they're mostly independent (though not quite financially because 2 out of 3 have disabilities). Apart from that I'm single, I have a job I love and a mortgage free home and cats and life is bloody brilliant.

I'm mid 50s. My only offspring lives with their partner, I live with mine.

Life is pretty good and thankfully quite stress free. The teenage/early adulthood years combined with menopause and taking care of aging parents nearly finished me off. I lost myself completely and it's taken a while to start to feel like me again.

We are fortunate not to have any major money worries and it's lovely to be able to do what we want and travel when we feel like it.

You sound like you are resenting the current limitations on your freedom and it would be better to get to the bottom of that, rather than trying to look forward to being out the other side. Things aren't the same as in the past and it's highly unlikely you'll be having loads of nights out and city breaks, teenagers need you a lot and they can't be left somewhere or get a babysitter, you have to be there for them as they head out all over the place on their various activities and social lives. I would prepare for real post children life to begin more like mid 60's. But why are you wishing your life away, that's the real question.

I would prepare for real post children life to begin more like mid 60's.

Are we really saying that OP needs to stay at home without a city break until her DC is 25?!

I’m early 60s and DW late 50s. Retired a few years ago. Older children now finished university but youngest in year 10. We’re in good health (touch wood), no money worries and plenty of time to pursue our interests.

One of our older children lives at home (possibly a slight worry in itself!) so we can get away for occasional short breaks. We can’t go on longer trips as many of our friends do and won’t be able to until youngest DC is at uni. That’s just the way it is, and I wouldn’t change it.

Like some other posters - and almost all our friends - a big feature of last few years has been ailing parents. Not something that any amount of planning, money or time can solve - although they can all help.

Yep same!

Mortgage paid off, we are both working part time/doing university courses or working for a start up at early 50s.

Life is good! People say I will get bored but I haven't yet.

Freedom.
Your dd will be 16-18. That is the busiest time for parents.

Things aren't the same as in the past and it's highly unlikely you'll be having loads of nights out and city breaks, teenagers need you a lot and they can't be left somewhere or get a babysitter, you have to be there for them as they head out all over the place on their various activities and social lives.

There's a big difference between a 13 year old and an 18 year old though. It probably depends a lot on where people are living eg if you live in the countryside and there's no public transport it's harder but otherwise a young person of 16/17 really should be able to use public transport by themselves and also be left at home for a few days. Especially if the intention is that this young person is going away to university at 18.

Is it different with boys / girls I wonder ?

Is it different with boys / girls I wonder ?

Not in my experience.

Agree with this. I had my dds at 41 and 43, one is at university and the other in sixth form, and these past two or three years have been stressful in terms of giving them enough support . I love having teenagers as an older mother though, they are really good fun, but this is a very full on time !

Do you regret having your baby, OP?

Had our first at 40, too.

He's 11 now, just started secondary and already so independent.

I've gone from looking forward to having a bit of life back to wanting him to stay little forever!!! 😫😂

And you were practically living at your boyfriend's house at 17.

Weren't you close to your parents? Didn't you have GCSEs to study for at 15/16?

@Slothfully I did study, did well, went on to college, then university. All my friends were the same, we had an amazing social life at that age, I thought it was normal at that age.
Perhaps it was just different in the 90’s

@yeaitsmeagain What an awful thing to say.
No of course I don’t. She was a miracle ivf baby, after struggling to conceive for a decade.

We are, we had our kids quite young so they've both flown the nest.

We have quite a nice life! DH has retired recently and I work p/t from home. We are pretty active and are out and about a lot. We travel regularly both in the UK and abroad.

We have friends in the same age group who we go out with for drinks/dinner/comedy etc.

I feel bad for you with all the miserable posts. I have a pretty good social life. You will get your life back, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

Why are you fantasising about skipping ahead to where she's grown up and you can get away then? It's a bit odd when most people think they grow up too fast.

Perfectly normal to fantasise about getting away. In fact I went off on solo weekends even when DC were little. So did DH.

I don't believe in spending all free time with your family until they are 18.
Or as one pp suggested, until they are 25🙄

@yeaitsmeagain I’m not at all!! I’m wondering/curious what life will look like then, I definitely dont want her to grow up at the moment and am very much that mum that cries over pictures of when she was younger and wants to keep her little forever.
Okay?