If you are mid to late 50’s

[Checkoutthatsky]

Or know people who are,

What is your/their life like?

Dh and I had dd at 40 (not the plan, years of infertility)
Just thinking about what life will be like when we have more freedom, when we’re 56/58 and dd will be much more independent

That was exactly my thought too, I found those years particularly hard!

Mid 50’s
i left home at 18, moved in with my husband.
grown up adult children with their own children!
Weve always taken the children on holiday, having our own touring caravan we were away nearly every single school holiday, in the 6 weeks summer holiday, husband used to drive us somewhere and then go back home and I’d stay with them in the caravan!
As they got older they then left home and then myself and my husband then started going abroad for our holidays, we used to have the grandchildren but my daughters now work around them .
life is good for us as now we go abroad up to 6 times a year, we’ve still unfortunately got quite a few years of work left before retirement, but trying to visit lots of places whilst we can still enjoy life being active!

Im 56 and dd is 20. She's in 3rd year of Uni and we don't see too much of her as she works on kids holiday camps during school holidays. We stopped with any kind of babysitter since she was about 14 and have been away on holiday without her since she was 17 and no longer wanted to come. I think we did an overnight wedding when she was 15 nearly 16 and had a friend to stay with her. I was nervous about this of course but all was fine. She still needs advice and support and I wouldn't consider her 100% independent, but from day to day we are effectively childfree now. Finding a reliable babysitter from an age you are happy to leave them for a few hours is key imho so you can get out with your friends/partner. We have a nice life - holidays, meals out and I go away with friends a few times a year. Appreciate we are fortunate though.

I'm 57. DH 54. I had girls at 33,38. They are 25 and 19. Obviously more freedom but they remain financially dependent due to university costs etc. So it's not like I'm dancing around and taking lavish holidays.

Birth children had flown the nest by the time I was early 50s, mid 50s we decided to foster, late 50s DH died, early 60s and I have a 4 year old with complex disabilities who will live with me until either my health stops me or he moves on to supported living. I really enjoy my life now. I manage to get time with my adult children and my son-in-law and life is never dull with a 4 year old in it.

@MumblesParty God, I was never at home at 15

I'm 55, ds is 20. Dh died when ds was 14. He has always had to be more independent than I would ideally have chosen, because dh was so ill, really since he was born but particularly since he was about 3. But between the ages of 14 and 16, I really could put him first. Until all the elderlies in my life started getting ill and needing much more care.

He's at uni now and the older generation are more settled. It's a fantastic stage. I can do what I like tbh (well, apart from still having to work full time).

I'm 53.
My DC are 16 (DS, Y11) and 13 (DS, Y8)
They are becoming a lot more independent. DD is living her best life with friends, hobbies, very social, very clever. Lovely group of friends. Will dash in from school at 4pm, "I'm just going to xxxx house, her mum says I can stay for tea...". I can go a few days without really seeing her.
DS is really focusing on his studies and his music. Thinking about A Levels.

They both mainly need me for lifts, food and laundry!

No childcare worries or costs anymore.

If we need to go out and leave one/both dc at home we can.

DH and have started to go out locally and leave them for a couple of hours in the evening too. Which is weird, after 15 years of not being able too.

This "freedom" had allowed me to get a more senior job at work (more travelling, longer commute), and have a bit more time to myself.

I still do most of the cooking though!

We had our son aged 36. We expected to retire early and do lots of travelling and generally enjoying ourselves once he left school and went to Uni, or at least after he'd been through Uni. In reality, whilst he was in sixth form, OH was diagnosed with incurable (but treatable) cancer, so for the past six years, it's just been a roller coaster of on/off chemotherapy, hospital visits, scans, x-rays, drug intolerances, etc. Due to covid and him being immunocompromised due to permanent chemotherapy, we've been virtually "shielding" for the past four years. No foreign holidays, stay in the house during the high risk winter months, just the odd few days away in the UK during the Summer months. Not what we had in mind at all.

We’re 50 and 52 with DD (19) and DS (16). DD’s at uni and very independent; DS does need a lot of lifts!

They’re great company most of the time and we can certainly go out regularly in the evenings, he likes the peace!

As others have said, elderly parents need more support now.

However, I am spending more time with DM. Are moved closer to me 3 years ago, then got a cancer diagnosis. Do followed the best part of a year and a half of treatment. Then a year of recovery. I supported all this, did the hospital trips with her etc. Now I spend time with her, because, well, she's in her 80s, in a new place*, by herself.

• Are started chemo less than 6 months after moving in, she's not really had time to make friends, but she's getting there.

Life is great, but I never had kids (hurrah!) so freedom has never been an issue.

I'm 58 DH 64 and dcs moved away.
I really miss them and only see them a few times a yr.
Time goes so fast at this stage.
Despite having a full on career doing weekend work and evening s I miss their company so much.
Dh is as active as me and the age gap shows.
We do have our health though.Touch wood.
I've downsized to a full time job no overtime.

I'm 56, DH is 60 and our DSs are 23 and 21, and graduated last year and this year respectively. I'm a self employed professional and DH is an employed professional. We both have home offices, so no commute.

It's the first time since we had the children that we are not paying for school fees or university accommodation. Both are doing their first graduate jobs, but predominantly based from our family home, so we are still involved in their lives.

It feels very liberating to be at this stage. We are lucky that we could retire, but neither of us wants to. I'm being selective about the work I take on, so that I can help my very elderly mother, who lives nearby.

We're making a real effort to do the things we couldn't do when we were juggling parenting with very full-on careers. We are spending a lot more time cooking and shopping for good ingredients and wine. We go for short breaks and long weekends, as our DSs are around to cat sit. We go to the theatre and cinema and keep an eye out for any events that interest us. I've joined a book group and I go on occasional courses.

It feels a bit like it did when we were on our late 20s/early 30s, before children. The plus side is that we are better off and we still have our health. We do however have elderly parents who need support and we don't know how that, or our health, will change in the near future.

I'm 57. No partner, no children, no problem. I work full-time (I love working) and do pretty much what I want. It's great 🥰

My husband and I are late fifties.

Life is great!

Mortgage - cleared
Children - raised

We are in good health, have lovely friends and the money to enjoy doing fun things with our adult kids.

I ought to add that we have lost several friends in recent years,far too young, to horrible illnesses; it's a sad inevitability, I think, of being over 50. There's definitely an element of "Get on with it now, because they can't and you never know how long you will have good health". It sounds a bit negative, but I am aware of Time's arrow.

I remember when my youngest went to uni, suddenly me and DH could go out without having to tell anyone where we were going or when we would be back, it was like being a teenager again, absolutely no feeling of responsibility, we could do what we like, when we like, it’s great.

Both DH and I got cancer twice in our early 50s, so that was a shock. Our DC were late teens. DH was made redundant and hasn’t really worked since. Our elderly parents now need quite a lot of care and attention. Our now-adult children have had some problems in life, much more serious than anything you can imagine when you have younger children, and that has affected all of us. They did move away for uni and work, but they have now moved back, and one in particular needs caring for.

Glad I read this thread. Reminds me that although we all love dogs it's probably best not to get one on retirement because of the bind.
I didn't find ds1 needing me very much post 16. Ds2 doesn't now either. I will be glad when the whole school years are over though.

Sorry to hear about those with illness, redundancy, and other difficult issues.

I yearn for a pet most days. But then I realise I don't want to be tied down any more. At the moment I can go out or travel whenever I want- with some financial constraints- and I am not giving that up.

I have one DS. At the time he turned 16 most of my spare time was taken up with doing things for my parents and FIL. I guess I probably also did quite a bit of ferrying DS around places/picking him up. You are right that at this time we started to go away without DS but this was mainly around him no longer wanting to come with us, rather than us actively wanting to go away without him. DH and DS also did/do the odd weekend away together to see sports events/gigs and I also went away separately taking my parents and also with a friend.

A lot of changes over the next few years - DS started an apprenticeship at 17 so no subsidising during the university years. My parents moved into full time care and have now passed away.

DS is now 23 and living with his GF about a mile away. Inheritance and workplace pension have meant that both DH and I have been able to take early retirement - which is great - we've been able to take a longer holiday away in the winter and several short breaks over the summer, mostly just DH and I but sometimes with DS and his GF. I tend to meet up with various friends around once a week and also have occasional breaks with one of my friends or to visit my relatives (without DH). DS comes round a couple of times a week - mainly to watch some sport on TV with DH.

People mentioning dogs and being tied - our dog spends time between me & DH and DS so he only has to go into kennels if we are all away together.

I’m almost 58, had DD (my youngest) at 40. I wouldn’t be without her for anything, but I’ll be honest I was not prepared for my late fifties to look so very different to those who had kids younger.

I have friends across quite a wide age range because of coming late to motherhood, and life now feels like I’m a little bit stuck between the people in their 40s, who still have teenagers, and my friends who are 60, many of whom have children of 30+ and who are getting into the retirement and grandchildren years.

We’re almost in a position to downsize/travel/move overseas, all of which we’d love to do, but are constrained by DD’s needs. It’s not fair for us to up sticks and bugger off and sell her childhood home out from under her when she’s not even finished school, let alone entered a phase of life where she’s independent, happy and settled enough for us to do our own thing without worrying.

But there’s also a feeling that now is our time, the moment we’ve spent decades working for, and we don’t want to waste years when we’re in good health just kind of waiting around in limbo just on the off chance we’re needed. There’s a great deal of conflict, anxiety and guilt swirling around all of this. In the end, she comes first, obviously, but there’s a little bit of acceptance required to reconcile where you feel your life stage should be, and where it actually is!

I haven’t RTFT but in short, in my late 50s, my life is amazing. Our children are independent and don’t live with us but we speak to them all the time. We have a lovely house, enough money, a great marriage and lots of laughter. I hugely value my health, my friends and family and I’m grateful for all of it.

16 year olds are generally never left for the weekend here, and although we go out for dinner or a party it’s not massively different to when they are young. This age is much more demanding than a 6 year old for sure!

18/19 is probably the earliest point. Even then I don’t want to leave the country and leave dc at uni. We are just considering it now - dc are 20.

We are very close to dc, so we like them to come with us. We have weekends to see dc at uni, and much more time to spend on hobbies and activities. We put a lot of care and love into family and friends and have more energy some but not all of the time.