Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

@Hopelessinhomecounties if they don’t want to do it they can de camp to their mates houses surely?

Just say these people are coming, you can be here or not, up to you.

I think they're at the age where their own friends are likely to start having gatherings, and missing those parties will feel like a particularly big deal for a 13 or 14 year old.

If it was just a case of "these people are coming over, be here or don't" then they'd have no reasonable basis for being upset. "It's happening, be here and host the children" will feel a lot more unfair to them (even if, as parents, you might perceive the "fairness" aspect quite differently).

Tell them this. When they were young one of my DC used to moan about places we went on holiday. They were told when they are old enough to earn money to pay for their own holiday, they can choose where they want to go. Ironically, they love ‘our’ type of holiday now!

I’m amazed at the number of people who appear to live in mansions where the teens can be banished to the east wing to entertain random small guests in a specially set up rumpus room. Or is the reality the adults will be all crammed in one room plus the kitchen whilst the younger people have taken over the ‘parlour’?

OP - you are clearly raising upstanding citizens who haven’t realised that such arrangements provide the perfect opportunity for illicit Malibu, flirting and potentially some snogging.
(Obviously not the 9 year old though who will be an irritating tag along best left in front on a movie/xbox).

Perfect! And for pp saying do they know the kids... read the OP, answer yes, most of them!

You can't put a group of kids together and expect them to have a good time! I'm sure you're getting a say in the guest list of the party. It isn't fair to expect your kids to host people they don't particularly like or enjoy the company of just because of their age or because they're the kids of your friends.

Perhaps they could invite an actual friend each (and possibly the parents too) so they don't feel they're just there as entertainment?

oh god my teens would hate this and I'd no way force them to socialise with other teens just because they're the same age. It's like forcing people to attend a work do that no-one wants to attend.

I don't get why everyone thinks its ok. It's their home too and forced jollity sounds horrendous. Would be completely different if all the kids were the same age.

When I've been to NYE parties before where children were present, the kids all knew each other as they were in the same class at school, and this was when they were in primary school not secondary school.

I can imagine it’s awkward when everyone 1st arrives. some of the kids might stay with us adults. Although I doubt it and hope not. Id imagine they’ll rather watch a film or game than hang out with us. I’d be really annoyed if they went to their room and didn’t join in in any way.

This bit of your post shows that you do want them to host. This party is for the adults to have fun and you’re asking your DC to facilitate that. Which is fine, I’m sure you do a lot for them throughout the year and will be making sure they have a great Christmas but they’re not unreasonable in dreading it a bit.

My parents threw parties like this when we were growing up. As we grew up, we grew out of the kids that used to come and disliked their behaviour and certain personality traits. Everyone who was an adult had a great time and partied with their actual friends, got pissed and ate good food and we were holed up upstairs with a load of kids we couldn’t be arsed with going through our stuff, sometimes breaking stuff unintentionally, spending so much time telling them not to go in certain rooms and putting up with them in what is meant to be our personal spaces. We were screwed if we wanted to go to bed if we were knackered. It was bloody awful and to be frank, shit that we were supposed to just crack on. Alright though because the adults had a great time.
Everyone in the house should be given a say and their voices are just as valid as yours because it’s their home too. Don’t expect them to appreciate being dumped on because you will be dumping on them.

I’m actually not much of a totalitarian as my kids would tell you … but you seem to forget that the OP’s children appear to be similarly ‘totalitarian’ and uncompromising in their attitude towards their parents’ not-unusual wish to have a NYE party. They’ve just said No!

who said anything about planning their own NYE? I wasn't suggesting they would go out clubbing, more that their friend could just invite them to a sleepover or playdate, exactly as they could on any other day. It was very normal when I grew up to either have friends round to yours if your parents were having a party, so you'd have someone to entertain you and wouldn't bother the grown-ups, or vice versa your friends parents would be having a party and you'd attend as a guest of your friend - to be clear these were my own friends not children of your parents mates.

If I read the OP’s post right, they haven’t said no to the party, just that they don’t want to be part of it. What if they found somewhere else to be for NYE?

Tell them to suck it up it's only for a few hours!!!!

yes but do you regularly go to parties with just vague acquaintances and strangers? Or are you talking about, for example, something like going to a wedding where you are friends with people and then talking to their friends and partners, which is completely different?

You invite people you don't know into your house to socialise? How do you meet them to invite them in the first place if you don't know them? Or, again, are you talking about friends/new partners of friends which is a completely different thing?

I would suggest you are a bit of an outlier on MN where the majority of people feel insulted at being expected to leave the house to meet up with their best friend of 30 years 😁. But even the more sociable would surely prefer to spend time with friends rather than randoms? If I was asked to use my limited free time going for a meal with my actual friends or the people I see at my step class once a week it wouldn't be a hard choice....

but well done on your super friendly sociable kids 👏

Why don’t you read the post? She’s not’inflicting’ anyone on anyone else, simply hoping her kids will join in and enjoy it, but god forbid we expect kids to do anything they don’t want to do these days. At the end of the day it’s her house and if she wants a party she jolly well can have one. Kids can join in or stay in their rooms, end of!

I don’t drag people from the street to our dinner parties 😅 but we do have plus ones that we don’t know, and teen kids have friends we haven’t met etc. We sometimes even have peoples grannies, and visiting friends at festive times of the year.

We go to parties with lots of people we haven’t met, which is nice as we meet new people. It’s great!

We have plenty of time with close friends, and quiet conversations. I know I am an outlier! Heavens I even let my friends keep their shoes on! 😂

If teens they can go a friends or stay in the room if younger it's tough it's happened

If you do something like this, don't be surprised if your kids decide to stay in their rooms for NYE and not come down at all.

You're deciding to host a party for your friends. They have told you that they are cross that you've extended an invite to the kids of these friends and unless you're being very dim, your kids would be expected (by you) to entertain these kids, right? So just let them stay in their rooms if you go ahead with the party.

The OP won’t confirm if staying in their rooms and the other kids banned from entering the bedrooms is something she would go with as it’s been suggested right from the start . Her last comment was she may pay them and will set up a games film room as she hopes the kids don’t want to hang with their parents .

Why would they stay in their rooms? Honestly I don’t get this place sometimes.

You have literally just said you throw a sit down dinner. Op is having a party. That’s the difference.
take your patronising tone elsewhere- op asked for opinions I gave mine. Yours is different. No worries that’s what happens in life…. What is your aim here? To tell me my opinion is wrong?

My two would love it!! But last year we went to a friends and their teenage son stayed upstairs for almost all of the party even though he went to primary school with mine. He just wasn't comfortable.

Let your children do whatever they feel happy with. They don't need to 'host'.

Because not all children are social butterflies. It’s okay for adults to enjoy quiet and space and be introverts, why are you so shocked children display the same qualities??
they are children, they are their own people and characters. It doesn’t mean they lack social skills it means they don’t enjoy this particular thing. Why aren’t you understanding that??

You don’t need to be a social butterfly to be civill and say hello, eat some food and consider the importance of connection, company and friendship! An introvert’s ability to always put themselves first before all else needs to be considered here. If you want friends and a social life you do need to put some effort in…