Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

The compromise is that every other day of the year the OP doesn't have friends and their families over to socialise.

It's one night. they will probably end up enjoying it - I did, even though every year I'd dread the big family meet ups. Even if not, it's good preparation for adulthood, where sometimes you have to spend time with people you do not actively like - in-laws etc.

It's not a good idea to raise children thinking that it's best to always avoid things you don't want to do - avoidance is how anxiety is created and worsens. OP touched on this when she mentioned how they were fine before covid lockdown

@ChristmasFluff They were 8 and 9 before lockdown, I doubt not wanting to play with a 9 year old now they're teens is necessarily avoidance and creating mental health issues. And I've previously touched on the 'preparation for adulthood' school of thought - I disagree, it's a totally different thing as they have no autonomy and no way to remove themself from the situation.

😂😂😂😂

Yeah I teach my children all those things- I don’t use an excuse to get pissed up as one of them however. But you guys do you.

Twister, connect 4, charades, scrabble etc.

Films: National lampoons family Christmas, home alone series, Christmas bake off and most family Christmas films like grinch. Universally loved by everyone.

Our kids will also take photos and dress up ( basket of Christmas accessories) We have a snow machine in the garden - amazing fun. Teens love the insta snaps, children love to play in it. Fire pit is lit for marshmallows. We all have a great time. In the past we have had a king winter visit too. For younger kids.

The pious posts are so funny - staunchly defending the right of the parents to get pissed with their mates notwithstanding making their kids unhappy.

We met up as family groups on nye when ours this age some families declined as their teens didn’t fit in with the wider group - respect them for that.

Yeah this all sounds lovely in its place - for extended family, or group of friends, and done as a group with adults. It sounds bloody terrible for a 14 year old to be sent off to play connect 4 with a random 9 year old. It's not 1980. Do you actually remember being 14? I'd have rather died than dress up for photos with people I barely knew, while our parents had a party next door that we weren't welcome at.

Twister, connect 4, charades, scrabble etc.

Films: National lampoons family Christmas, home alone series, Christmas bake off and most family Christmas films like grinch. Universally loved by everyone.

At my age this sounds like torture, for my kids it would be.
And those films are not anything I would want to see, nevermind my kids...
And I would hate to be responsible for bringing together strange kids of that range of ages and leave them to their own devices. As if they didn't hate each other, they could get up to all kinds of stuff.

Are you deliberately misunderstanding me?

I am not suggesting for a minute the teens play with the young children - the younger children can play together. It’s really not hard.

We host a lot, and everyone rubs along together. The teens hang out together. The little ones play together. Some pp are making a massive mountain out of a molehill.

Teens complain, that is what they do. No doubt if op wasn’t doing anything they would complain about being bored.

We host across generations and have a brilliant time - it’s good for kids to socialise and not be stuck on screens. More the better in this house.

No wonder there are so many socially incompetent, awkward, monosyllabic anxious teens walking around if they are not being encouraged to host and socialise. It’s really detrimental to them. Their future jobs, relationships, social lives and outcome depend on being capable and able to communicate effectively with others. To talk to the young and old.

Isolation and loneliness are major challenges for the young.

Well you literally replied to a post asking for activities to suit those aged 9-17, so no I wasn't deliberately misunderstanding. Perhaps you should have been clearer. You also have no idea of numbers, so there might not be enough young children to 'go and play'.

Who said anything about getting pissed up? Or that the kids all hate each other

No way would any teenager have a veto over what I did in my own house.

You clearly haven’t read the thread. I have repeatedly posted that I wouldn’t expect the teens and little kids to mix in the first place. Believe it or not we do get some teens that like little kids, so the game and film suggestions were for them!!

Most teens won’t be interested but some are. We have few that come and love playing games with the younger kids.

Where are you getting "excuse to get pissed up" from? There is no indication of that in @Hopelessinhomecounties post. Not everyone uses NYE or a party as an excuse to get drunk! Perhaps you do and can't imagine anyone acting in any other way? But Op's 'bit of a party' with children invited too really does not sound like any adult is going to over-indulge and get falling-down drunk. She is concerned about her teens and hoping they will use this occasion to socialise a little as they used to before covid. There is plenty of time before NYE for her teens to either accept the idea, or make other plans.

Do the party. They will likely have fun and enjoy it and it's good to teach them it's OK to feel some social anxiety but that it's also important to push yourself or life just passes you by.

Who are you kidding? Of course they will be drinking. And the teens aren’t socialising properly are they as op has said she doesn’t want them around the adults.
she is basically saying what can I do to distract the kids to stay away from us. Her kids know the crack and it’s why they don’t want to do it.
I don’t drink myself- and I certainly wouldn’t force my children around adults who do.
she isn’t concerned about her teens at all. She is concerned with how to bribe them
to come around to her way of thinking ‘I may even pay them’ that isn’t someone who wants their kids to learn social skills, that’s someone who wants kids out of sight and mind. We shall agree to disagree.

So the teens only learn to socialise if it is with adults?! Socialising amongst themselves apparently doesn’t count 🙄

We think all socialising is a good thing here. My teens invite their friends, they have a great time! What’s not to love 💃💃

People seem to be arguing about two different things

Should your kids get a veto over you inviting your friends and their kids over for nye? No. Its your house as much as theirs.

Are they unreasonable to not want to host random kids they might vaguely know but aren't friends with and are several years younger than them? Also no. You're expecting them to "host" people they haven't invited and don't particularly like, that is is no way comparable to chatting to someone at the gym or networking at a works event as you're trying to pretend. When was the last time you invited Janine from accounts to come and chill in your bedroom for several hours?

If your kids said "you enjoy your party but my mate x has invited me over to theirs so I'll do that" what would you say? Would you refuse to let them go because you want them to host your friends kids?

Have the party, set up a room for any kids your friends might bring, encourage your kids to socialise with them if they want, but accept they might just prefer to stay in their rooms or go out themselves (obviously you don't have to facilitate the second by giving them lifts or anything)

Do you know, it is quite possible to enjoy an alcoholic drink at a party without getting drunk. This may be a novel concept for some but certainly doesn't apply to my circle of friends, our NYE is a sit-down dinner with a glass of wine to accompany the food, quizzes and maybe a bit of dancing after dinner then going outside to watch the fireworks at midnight and a champagne toast (or Appletizer for non-drinkers) after singing auld lang syne. No one gets drunk and any children old enough to stay up for the fireworks are offered a champagne glass full of Appletizer while teens over 16 get a half glass of the real thing if they wish, otherwise Appletizer. Riotous living, that's us 😁, and I'm sure many other too.

Yes its a useful skills as adult to learn to interact with people you don't know particularly well - but that's not what this is.

Interacting with colleagues or fellow gym goers or friends of friends is usually fairly short term, in a neutral venue and there's usually some purpose or at least shared activity to chat about

Interacting isn't the same as socialising

You are asking kids to entertain vague acquaintances for several hours in their own home/private space. Most adults dont do that with random aquaintances, they tend to socialise with friends, people they know well and like. Which your kids seem to do fine with their own friends.

I suspect 13 is way too young to be planning their own NYE tbh.

I socialise with friends AND acquaintances and shock, horror - strangers at parties. I can enjoy an evening mixing with others in my private space and have even been known to invite people I don’t know into my sanctuary 😄
Strike me down now!

My kids have beautiful manners, can talk to anyone and are cordial and friendly to every guest we host here, and could easily host adults too. I have an introvert as well, and she is very capable. We started slowly with her and built up at her own pace. Now she looks forward to our shindigs and she doesn’t even have to come anymore as she is an adult (but always does!)

We do this every year, have done since pre-covid. But the friends all live nearby, and my kids were good friends with at least one other kid in the group. As they've gotten older, my older two tend to shut themselves away in their bedroom, usually with the one or two friends they are closest to from the group. The younger kids (10-12) all play together then the play room. I found out after last year that my son now had a WhatsApp group with the 2 11 year olds (he's 12) called "New Years Friends" - they chat a few times a month and try to plan ideas to meet up.

With younger kids it's definitely easier to do. I do find giving them unfiltered access to party food and soft drinks helps them to not need so much adult intervention, for the teenagers providing them with booze definitely helps (obviously the amount and type depends on the ages - my 19 year old enjoys a few cocktails, my 16 year old who would drink anything if he could get his hands on it is limited to 3 or possibly 4 cans of beer, depending on how he's behaving, strength of the beer, time frame the drinking is over, etc). For midnight we all come together to see in the new year - the kids have a little bit of WKD or Smironiff ice in a champagne flute so they join in with us - most of this gets left but it's become part of the tradition and I think they just like feeling included and grown up if that makes sense.

OP I hope you can have fun and that the kids give it a chance. I'd hate to not be having the annual party anymore.

It does at ours! Within reason, subject to parents approval, the kids are all allowed a little tipple if they want. I usually pick up a mixed pack of WKD just in case. They rarely choose to have anything, but as they've gotten older, that's changed.