Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

I think many young teens find it hard to socialise with others (who they may have known from younger) who are not part of their own social group. It feels awkward for them. This could be the case for the invited DC as well as your own.

I get this too. I think it’s quite good for them to have to muck in a bit.
I had it when I was younger and it definitely helps being thrown into situations that are out of your comfort zone (as you are in life) … however as I teen in a similar situation I didn’t see that I was learning social skills - just saw it as awkward. 🤣

Maybe they are anxious. Maybe they would prefer to do their own stuff at home.
My parents were emotionally absent, but at least they didn't impose parties on me, which I was very happy about.
Not everyone is a party animal and as they don't live on their own, obviously, they don't have a choice.
Sad.

That’s kind of what I want to do. Put something on for them.. I’ll have a think about that

Why don't you do it a different way?

They can invite their friends and their friends bring their parents.
I'm sure you'll all have a great time mixing in together and it will be good for you to socialise with a different group.

I was so glad when my DGM came the NYE I was 15 and stayed home with me so I could avoid the party my DParents went to where I was relentlessly bullied the previous year for having the wrong accent by a group of DC that yep I’d known vaguely all my life. It did NOT make me better at socialising…which I have done more than my share of professionally as an adult. Lots of teens are arseholes to anyone outside of their immediate group. Unless you’re very certain of the dynamics please tread with care.

“We’re inviting our friends to our NYE party in our house. Some of them will bring their kids. You’re not expected to do any hosting, it’s us as the adults of the house who are doing the hosting. The only thing we’d like you to do is enjoy yourselves. When you have your own homes you can make your own decisions about having parties, or not.”

I think you are giving your kids too much control. If they don't want to attend the party they can stay in their rooms or go out to a friend's house. I would make it clear that they are under no obligation to host anyone but you will be having a party because you would like to.

I think they should have to join in, just think of how best to reduce any awkwardness. Worth noting how much social interaction by teenagers is not face to face in the way it probably was when you were young.

I bet hosting anyone in your own house would be some people's idea of hell, if some of the threads on MN are an indication. However, you enjoy it, and I hope it goes well.

I mean, it does suck for them to spend the night strong-armed into playing host for children who aren't their friends, particularly when the ages range from 4 years younger than them to 4 years older. No 13 year old wants to entertain a 9 year old, nor a 17 year old, let alone both at the same time.

You can absolutely tell them to suck it up but I'm not surprised they're dreading it.

My parents used to do this when I was a kid.
It was usually so they could all get really drunk whilst I was lumped with looking after the 8/9 year old kids of my parents friends.

I do kind of get where your kids are coming from but I think if you make it more planned out so their not just hanging around trying to make conversation it will be better

Nothing like some forced fun to build bonds.

My guess, even if they're told they can spend their night in their rooms, is they'll soon get a knock on the door from parents looking to impose the younger children on them.

We’ve pretty much always had a party at ours for NYE as it’s one of my children’s birthdays and we’d have felt bad leaving them.

But actually most of our friends did choose to leave their children with babysitters if they could.

Having said that, I would expect my kids to just get on with it for one night.

At least all the kids know each other...when I was 13 (early 80s) my mother was excited because a new work colleague of my father - who also had teen kids - had invited us all around to his house one Friday evening. We'd only been in the country a few months and my mother was keen to make new friends...

Turned out the new work colleague was selling Amway (MLM). The whole evening was basically him trying to recruit my parents into selling fucking Amway products. We obviously weren't the first victims of this ploy...his kids were disinterested in us to the point of rudeness and once their father had dragged my poor parents off to give them the marketing presentation they basically ignored myself and my two brothers. We had to sit in their 'play room' for 2 hours with them refusing to speak to us. I can still remember how livid my mother was afterwards!

If you have the space, let the guest kids all gather in a separate room and entertain themselves. Your teens can mooch in and out for food, which you provide separately for the non adults in that room. They will go where the food is and will probably hang around for a bit.

It is OK then if your two eventually want to dodge the other kids who can entertain each other while you and the adults get hammered in the kitchen/diner and swing out of a few lampshades while you're at it. The teens can play on their phones etc. in their own rooms.

YANBU, its especially important these days for children and teens to spend time socialising in person, practicing their social and conversational skills. And its normal to have to suck it up sometimes as a child, my parents hosted parties, and took us to parties, often we'd know absolutely none of the other children but we'd hang out and get talking and it was nearly always fun in the end. There's a lot worse things to have to do than hang out at a party.

Your kids sound like a bit of a buzz kill sorry to say.

When I was a teenager, my parents decided if people were coming around and my brother and I had to be polite and socialise. I think it's important for teens to do that and get used to talking to people of different ages or that they don't know that well.

Can they not invite at least one of their own friends each from their own group? At the very least I'd make sure they knew they were allowed to go to their rooms if they wanted and those rooms are out of bounds for the other children. You're hosting the party so all other guests should be confined to communal areas, not your teens private spaces.

As long as they are polite and say a quick hello, after that they can retreat if they wish, it's their NYW too. That's what I do with mine anyway! (And no expectation from other parents to 'babysit' their kids!)

Parents’ friends’ kids of a similar age was classic first kiss territory for us as teenagers! Figuring we were both 13, getting on a bit to not having kissed anyone and known each other all our lives so why not have a “practice” together 😂.

Playing spin the bottle upstairs while the parents did god knows what downstairs. Sneaking a beer up and pretending to like it but secretly pouring it down the sink.

Kids these days!

We used to do this and it was always a little awkward to begin with. Initially they'd all be on their phones with no real interaction, but they soon started talking or playing the xbox/pool/darts.

We'd have a pinata rammed full of sweets and chocolate and even the older teens joined in.

I miss those days

Just have the party and let the kids do what they want. If there's going to be a group of children and yours don't join in the others will still have each other to hang out with. Chances are yours will end up socialising anyway.

When we were at this kind of gathering all the kids were mostly in one separate room gaming together on the kinds of games you can play together, so they had fun.

The teenagers are too old for this.

Where are they expected to do the hosting? If you are expecting them to take them off to a separate part of the house then I don't blame them at all. If you are all wandering around together I don't think that's so bad.