Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

Depends on if the adults want to get shit faced and rowdy. Then the kids need packing off into another room, with someone able to keep them were they need to be.
There's posts on here about DH/Ps wanting the OP to hang out with the WAGs of their friends, who they don't have things in common with and the consensus is usually, absolutely not. Children's personalities also differ. When I was that age, we could have a drink from 13, so we'd happily muck in on our babysham/cherry b/snowballs.

I really pity your kids OP. They have told you what they think about the idea and you are not listening . They know far better how they feel about it than a load of internet strangers.
Forced socializing and /or babysitting . Very selfish of you !

I don't see why your kids should have to host other kids just because you want your friends to be able to have a party. If everyone was good friends, fine, but otherwise, no. You can 'make' them play host, but don't expect them to love it, if it's not something they think they'll enjoy.

Their change of attitude most likely has less to do with covid and more with their ages. They're three or four years older than they were at the start of covid! I wouldn't have liked being made to play the role of host. Having a bunch of outsiders in my home would've been stressful enough at that age without being expected to entertain the younger group.

As a teen I used to quite enjoy my parents parties they held, having a sneaky glass of Lambrusco Rose (anyone else remember that), observing the adults dancing and listening in on their conversations. What I did not appreciate were the ones who brought along their younger children who got tired and were put to bed, sometimes in my bed. I agree with the PP who suggested let them join in if they want to for a bit then they can go to their room without any small uninvited guests if that's what they want to do. Otherwise pay them generously for their help.

It's one night, and a pretty traditional night to have a party! Why should the children always come first? And why shouldn't the adults enjoy themselves in their own home that they work hard to pay for?

Set aside an area for the children with games and movies, and get your teens involved in planning the non-adult drinks and food. It's a few hours for one night of the year, and time for the children to take a back seat to the adults' wants for once.

The parents/adults can certainly have a party, and they can even invite their friends' kids, but they shouldn't be surprised when their own teens don't jump for joy at the news that said teens are expected to host, entertain, or babysit a random group of kids and other teens, when they have no say in who's invited.

Am I the only one really struggling to think of films, or indeed games, that would work from 9 to 17?

It's one flipping night.
I am willing to bet OP has hosted the kids friends more than once this year and probably didn't enjoy every second of it.
I am all for taking kids feelings into account but it is getting ridiculous when they can't manage a NYE party just in case they have to socialise for a few hours.

Don’t separate the kids off. I still remember how that felt. They need the adults around to feel comfortable, to involve them and give them reasons to talk. Today’s teens will just awkwardly sit on their phones pretending to be busy typing to all their friends until the night is over if left in a room together.

Setting them up with a film and games and special food for the children would probably be a bit embarrassing once they’re in high school I think.

Having to interact with people you have not chosen is just part of life - they will have to do this once they are in the workplace, house sharing etc. I would tell them to suck it up, honestly.

I am definitely not a kid panderer but I think this is really off. Nothing to stop you having your party but don’t drag your teens into it unless they want to. Why not actually include them in the party itself?

This has shades of the thread where the mum had booked a holiday over prom then was cross her son was “inconsolable” in her own words. Parents failing to adjust their parenting to the fact their children aren’t little children they can boss around anymore but actual people with their own opinions.

Covid didn’t help

This os nothing to do with covid and everything to do with their ages.

If the other childen are younger than them, they are at a stage of development where they need to start pushing away from the children. It's not them being badly behaved, it's normal. They don't want to be lumped in with the kids anymore because they need to distance themselves from them in order to grow up.

Don't force them to entertain the other children, tell them they can spend the evening how they want.

I am definitely not a kid panderer

Me neither but I also think there would he fewer conflicts in families if parents understood how childen develop and what the transition from childhood to adulthood fully entails. It's not just a case of them getting bigger and older. Puberty isn't just about developing physically but mentally and psychologically too.

No, but they quite often need entertaining if their parents want to participate in adult conversation with the grown ups. They also get excited and think it's quite cool to hang around with older kids and will likely want the OP's children to do things with them that the OP's children have long grown out of doing.

The ages ans developmental stages of all the children should be considered and not just lumped in as 'the kids'.

Absolutely agree and was the point I made earlier about the “miss the prom” thread. Parents not adapting to their children’s change in development and treating them as if they are still 4 with mummy in total charge and they jolly well toe the line or get yelled at for disobedience.

TheaBrandt

Yes. Yet teens are branded as 'selfish' when they are just fulfilling their biological imperative of growing up and becoming independent.

It is well known that when kids become teens, they become more focused on themselves. Yes, they still need to fall in with family and other people but they also need to cut the apron strings, establish themselves as individuals and explore who they are as people separate from their parents. And that is why it happens.

I can imagine the awkwardness they'd feel. I would tell them they can either invite a friend to add to the party or they don't have to join in.

And agree mine were very rejecting of an earlier stage so forcing younger teens to be with younger children just makes the whole thing way worse.

‘Why should children always come first’ really??

Op has literally said herself she hopes kids aren’t around the adults, and she might even pay her kids.
they don’t want their private spaces invaded, it’s their safe space stop being so pushy just for an excuse to party. It’s frankly disgusting. Why don’t you hire a babysitter and go out or to a friends house?
my children’s needs absolutely do come first and it’s hilarious those of you saying it doesn’t matter what they want- all for a few glasses of bloody wine.

Why on earth would kids be expected to host. They'd just be having fun surely?

Loads of partygames that are for all ages. We have a group of friends with kids that age and we have all the Mario games on the switch.Overcooked is great. Among Us can be fun with a group. Sometimes they pick up Brawl stars. We have a whole cupboard of boardgames and cardgames.
The older ones can survive a night without GTA and Call of Duty …

Yes, really - unless you want to raise children to be selfish adults, they need to know they are loved and cared for and part of a family where other people's needs are also catered for and occasionally they will have to take a back seat precisely because they are not the only ones in that family and this is what families do, they compromise.

To repeat, it's one night only, once a year on a traditional night to have a party, it's hardly being forced down a coal mine.

I was an extremely shy and socially anxious child, and I agree with you - sometimes children need to be forced out of their shell a bit. They need to practice socialising. Even if they end up not enjoying the party - so what?? We all have to spend a few hours doing things we don't like every now and again. What's the absolute worst that can happen? They spend all night in their rooms and everyone thinks they're a bit unsociable. Oh well. Just have the party.

Why do the teens have to host? Surely they can make alternative plans or stay in their rooms?

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo But they're not compromising, are they? The OP is deciding that's what's happening. Compromise would be the equivalent of if OP said she was going to invite her pals Jim and Viv, and her DH said 'oh not them, I can't stand them. Can we have Bob and Karen instead?'. Forcing the teens to socialise with people they don't like would be the equivalent of OP insisting her DH spends NYE with Jim and Viv. And I bet she wouldn't.