Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

I think you’re being unreasonable I’m afraid. It’s their home and their New Years too. They don’t have anywhere else to go after all. In their position I’d hate to have a random lot of other peoples family descend on my home and have to join in and host them all night. Particularly on an evening which could otherwise be fun and special with just my own family. I think you might feel the same if they collected together a group of adults you hardly knew and asked you to be hospitable and welcoming to them, by yourselves as they had their own friends to talk to. On top of that not just for a couple of hours but all evening - til gone midnight !!! Asking other mums here if they think you’re being unreasonable is not fair and representative. If you asked a chat forum and of teens you’d get a very different answer then you’d get from other people our age I’m sure! Sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be an ‘awkward’ teen. They’ll grow out of it and have their own parties one day I’m sure. They’ll even turn up to yours and contribute im sure. Just not yet, and that’s fair enough surely. Make nice happy family memories together now whilst you still can. Life’s too short to make a problem of this. There will be plenty of opportunities for big house parties when your kids are old enough to get away and do their own thing.

Who says they want an inflicted social life and forced friendship? Maybe they want actual friendship with people they actually like?

Because they don’t want to spend NYE entertaining a 9 yo that they likely have little in common with .

I worry for the kids if these posts on here are anything to go by. They are not being asked to amputate a leg! Just to eat party food, hang out with friends and chill 🙄🙄🙄

There are parties and parties, though. They don't all involve getting shit faced.

The ones my parents had and attended at new year normally involved between 5 and 10 adults. No sit down meal, some years they got takeaway other years a buffet or just nibbles. They would chat have some drinks, play some music, maybe play games like trivial pursuit or pictionary, then put the TV on for the countdown and fireworks.

At midnight everyone got in a circle of Auld Lang Syne, then went outside to see if anyone nearby had fireworks and to wish the neighbours happy new year.

We kids were welcome to stick around and join in or do our own thing in a different room until the countdown. One year we all watched a film upstairs, other years we joined in games, or switched between joining in and hanging out in the kitchen.

The bonfire ones involved about double the numbers but finished earlier. The kids would be there for the food and fireworks but often went off before/after.

No one got plastered, although occasionally someone was a bit daft and tipsy. All kids have grown up to be responsible and well-adjusted adults.

I think you missed the point rather. They are not ‘friends’. They could be the most tiresome, tedious, unpleasant company - who knows? Nevertheless, why should they have to try and be anything other than awkward socially selective teens for a few years? It’s perfectly normal. They’ll grow out of it I don’t doubt, but for now it’s good to respect their needs for peace and quiet and privacy if they feel the need. They’ll be grown and down the pub in a few years when the awkward phase is over. Op can have house parties every week then if she wants 😁🍾

Don’t you dare even think about being reasonable and just having a nice time on NY.

Have you seen the age differences 9-17? I can tell you now they won’t be making friends.
it’s not a cordial come say hi and eat food. It’s you lot stay out our way and amuse yourselves, and if you can make sure the young ones are okay too great thanks.

😂😂

but OP has said they have a social life - with their own friends!
They (understandably) aren't bothered about making friends and socialising with a 9 year old child when they are 14....so why would they put in effort for something that they don't want?

Yup. At that age I expect they'll want to go to a party with their actual friends/peers, rather than entertaining some younger kids they barely know (realistically, are any but the youngest kids going to come?)

Anyone would think 9 is a baby, my almost 9 year old nephew and 12 year old son get on great, they play games, go on the switch together and my almost 14 year old is perfectly able to spend a few hours in the company of nephews, nieces, cousins and even his older brothers little sisters once in a while

There could be a couple of children around the 9 age for all anyone here knows who'll keep each other company

No wonder so many children refuse to try new things or anything they don't like judging from some of these posts

You are right this thread is the epitome of precious parenting.

You can see precisely how these children are like Veronica from Willy Wonka, they are not encouraged to try new things or move out of their comfort zone ever. Likely to grow up rigid, inflexible and struggling to make and keep friends. A few hours socialising once in a blue moon will not harm them at all, particularly if their own chosen friends are also there!

Bedrooms are off limits in our house, so they could always relax there if they need to. Jeez. No wonder our generation is called ❄️

In this situation they do know the other children as they've been to parties with them before so its not really strangers or even vague acquaintances as they'll have played with them when they were younger.

But I am going to a party this weekend, for the whole weekend, and I don't know a single person there apart from my partner. It'll be awkward at first but I'm sure I'll have a good time in the end. Many times I've got to events where I don't know anyone, or just one or two, that's quite normal I think.

Tell your friends who are bringing children that they will need to entertain and make sure they have a good time, and not to expect yours to just look after them. It may happen that the kids all get along really well, which is what usually happens, but the visiting parents need to know they can’t just expect this and leave the kids to it while they party. Do you have a separate room they can go in to watch tv / play games without going to your kids rooms? Your kids would probably join in with them given the opportunity to do so at their own pace.

I thought you were going to say they’re sick of babysitting or something. If thats not the case, I’d have a games/movie (whatever) room set up and crack on.

I find it staggering it would need pointing out. Maybe I have been lucky but my friends have always taken responsibility for their own dc. They will bring their own games, toys and things to do, they regularly check on their children and usually leave when they are tired or have had enough. No way would we expect teens to effectively baby sit them under any circumstances.

We take care of our children at family parties. Obviously at adult parties we all have babysitters, and it’s a different type of party sometimes. This is a family NY party and likely to be lovely and child and teen friendky with plenty of parents around to care for them.

Hmm saving I think OP IS expecting her kids to babysit the kids so they're out the way of the adults.

I think the scenario you have described is very different to the one the OP is envisaging from what has been said.

Some people expect 'the kids' to he kept out of the way so that adult conversation/fun isn't interrupted.

For teenagers who are expected to do that, it's not a welcomed social opportunity or a bit awkward until you've got to know people, it's an evening of being expected to entertain other people's children, keep them quiet and out of the way so the adults don't have to deal with them. Any boredom, poor behaviour, accidental breakages or spillages become something the teens are held responsible and told off for because they're older and the ones in charge and someone had to be responsible and the parents don't want to tell someone else's child off or cause a scene by addressing the parents, so the teens get it. And the guests aren't managing their children properly because they're a bit tipsy, and it's the babysitters job. Only the babysitters weren't asked, didn't agree to it and certainly aren't getting paid for it.

Don't pretend that it's the same as going to a party as an adult where you don't know anyone but can drift around the room making small talk with whoever you like until you find someone you want to chat with.

And, whilst I appreciate that there are lots of different experiences and Los of diffeent families, the crucial thing is that, in this case, the OP's children have said they don't want to be put in that position so they must have a reason to assume they might have experienced this before and I think, at their ages, it's reasonable to take their needs into account too.

Bedrooms are off limits in our house, so they could always relax there if they need to.

That's a very generous offer!

Offering the bedrooms in your house as a sanctuary for the teens if it all gets too much.

Oh, wait, you weren't offering that were you? You just can't conceive of your experience not being everybody's experience.

I don't see how anyone can't fathom that a 13/14 year old might not relish the idea of giving up an entire evening to look after/entertain someone else's 8/9 year olds so the grown ups can have fun.

Except a 9 year doesn’t actually need ‘looking after‘ ! They are not babies for heavens sake.

No, but they can be pretty annoying if you're 14 and want to do competely different things to you but you're all expected to hang out together for an evening.

I think OP is expecting the 9 year old to be entertained by her kids so the kids are all out he way...

And its ok to expect teenagers to do things like that sometimes. They are part of a family and being part of a family means sometimes doing something you don't particularly want to do for the good of the family, like parents putting up with their children's friends coming round all the time, or taking their children to visit friends or to activities.
Growing up I was often expected to do things like entertain smaller children that were visiting, or cook dinner when mum couldn't, or give up my bedroom for guests and sleep on the sofa or an airbed on the floor somewhere. It caused no harm, and taught me the importance of pulling together as a family. I expect similar from my children.

Well sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, sometimes we have to regulate our own emotions. Neither of these things are bad skills for kids to learn. There’s so much pandering and prioritising kids demands these days I don’t think it does them any good at all.