Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

My sister has regular house parties and there are children from 4 to 15. They all find a way to have a fun. Sometimes as small groups. The older ones also enjoy equally. No one is sulking or on their phones. It's a an important life skill to encourage children to make an effort and join in the best way they can. Else, when they get to college/uni, they find it so awkward to even say hi to the person sitting next to them in class.

We have a large group of adult friends (from a particular time and era in our lives). When kids were small they all got thrown in together for parties and it was fine. As they got older and their personalities developed, it was pretty awful for some of them. One or two of the adult group were determined that all the kids were 'friends' like extended family, I had one gregarious child and two shy introverts. It didn't help the introverts in any way at all and only served to make them feel more isolated and awkward. Please don't do this.

I think teenagers would hate this.

You have a point if it was most holidays and lots of weekends, but the odd party occasionally is not so scarring, and definitely possible just to crack on.

I’d give them three choices:

1. Go to a friends house for a sleepover.
2. Have a friend over each but you need to keep an eye on the other kids.
3. Pay them! I used to clean up doing New Years babysitting at 15/16, at 14 with parents in the house I reckon there’s £50 in it for each of them! Seems fair if they’re essentially babysitters that they’re not doing it unpaid…

I can remember complaining as a child/teenager (to friends) about the fact that parents just expected you to get on with other people if they happened to be the same age, and that this never happened to adults "Hi Tina, this is David, you are both 43 so you have lots in common and should be fine to hang out". They agreed, but actually as an adult there are loads of times when you are thrown into a situation where you have to socialize with people you have little in common with. So we were blindly naive about the future.
In short, I think its relatively normal for them to complain. But also, its good practice for the future and they need to suck it up. I wouldn't necessarily tell them to suck it up. But I would ignore their complaints and proceed with the party regardless.

My son would hate this. He’s quiet and keeps to himself, loves his own space and comforts. My daughter however loves things like this.
I wouldn’t have the party- it’s an excuse for you to get pissed up and your children have said they don’t want it to happen.

I agree with this 100%

This. 💯

Ah good idea I could give them an option to get paid to help ,
I’ll set stuff up for them to do in another room like games consol / film room etc.
I think it will be fine but want to make it easier for all the kids, by having options already laid on.. I can imagine it’s awkward when everyone 1st arrives. some of the kids might stay with us adults. Although I doubt it and hope not. Id imagine they’ll rather watch a film or game than hang out with us. I’d be really annoyed if they went to their room and didn’t join in in any way. I think they will, and if I have a plan I think the might even enjoy it 😬

They'll get over it because life doesn't revolve around them.

You are perfectly entitled to hold the party but it is not reasonable for you to expect your teens to effectively take care of the younger children ie the 9 year old. If their parents are bringing them then the parents or you as host should be providing for the children too. Would your teens prefer to go to a party at another friend's house? Would you be willing to allow that? I would have hated to spend NYE hosting a bunch of other kids I didn't really know. I don't accept your line about it being good for them, at least be honest and admit it just makes your life easier. You get to party with your friends and the teens take responsibility for the younger people.

So you admit you don't want any visiting kids to stay with the adults and you want to palm them off on to your kids.

Tell them to either join in, make arrangements to go to friends or invite friends over to party with them.
It's your home, and I'm sure you do plenty for them. I don't think it does kids any harm to realise their parents are adults too, and are entitled to have a party.

Is there a reason they don’t like the other kids anymore? Or is it just they haven’t seen them for a long time?

In my family we are all introverted nerds… but so are our friends and their kids. So when we are visiting friends the kids are always shy at first and we have to break the ice a little, throw in some games and food. But then after a while they are getting into it, picking things up from where they were last time… and they don’t want to leave when it is time to go.

The OP has said some of the children are as young as 9. No 14 year old relishes having to effectively child mind a child that young. Either the games will have to be lower age rated to accommodate them or the younger children will be exposed to games meant for older youngsters. In an update the IP has admitted she hopes the children don't want to stay with their parents.

Yeah, this is definitely a forced baby-sitting set up.

It's hardly crime of the century or anything like that, but you are imposing an uncomfortable situation on your kids - of course they're going to feel put out.

This also comes across as a forced babysitting situation. Quite selfish of you imo. It is their NYE too so should be up to them how they spend it, which may include being in their rooms or going to see other friends.

I have a 14 year old boy and he often plays with younger kids up to 8 years old. His own brother only just turned 10 and they play a lot together .They play Mario games, overcooked etc or cardgames. He likes to take on a “teacher” role, and often the younger kids are really fond of him. So it is not impossible.

I still remember the hideousness of hosting and being hosted by my parent's friend's children. Not a great way to spend NYE or any day of the year for that matter, but worse on one that's meant to be fun.

I think it’s really unfair. They are not little kids
you can lump in together so you can get
pissed. Those days are gone

My parents did this to me a lot, either threw the party or ended going to parents friends with their kids.

sometimes it was brilliant but other times it was awful and so bloody awkward. One older girl was bloody horrible to me. I’d end up crying more often than not.

ive never done it to my kids as a result, but mine are ND so this would be torture for them.

it's not your kids responsibility to look after other kids on ny eve. i used to have people over but i'd never have thought of it as my kids hosting. or even me hosting. it was just having people over. the /hosting/ bit makes it sound like hard work.

hosting to me is on a tv programme or the olympics. (if you're actually hosting your new years eve and you're graham norton and it'll be on the tv then that's actual hosting (to me, anyway))

People on MN do lead very odd lives and seem to have missed sight of the memo about doing things that make you anxious reducing anxiety.
How do children make friends if they never meet anyone new?
How do any of you have jobs or go to any events outside your home if you only ever mix with people you already know and like?
Honestly it's like an episode of League of Gentlemen. A local party for local people.

It won't kill them and what sort of 9 year olds need looking after when their parents are in the same house