Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

This.

You are giving your dc far too much power / control. You are the parents. It is up to you if you host a party. They can join in, or sulk in their rooms, but don't let them prevent you being sociable.

I wouldn’t pay any attention to them! Just crack on…

Lock 'em.in the shed for the night.........

I was an anxious teenager and this would have been an absolute nightmare for me. Have the party but don’t force them to participate!

Aaargh! It gets up my nose when adults drone on about 'hosting', never mind foisting the term on teenagers.
Regardless, I'm sure the majority of them will sit gawping at their phones if they're not feeling it, and the younger ones can play Roblox or something.
I wouldn't be altering my plans because of anti social kids.

What are your actual expectations op? That the kids all disappear all night so the grownups can drink and relax, only appearing at taxi time? In which case it's a lot on two barely teens to handle the dynamics of that age range

All our NYE parties were like that from being about 12 until old enough to go to the pub on my own. Bonfire night was often similar but with a different crowd.

It was always better than our parents having a party without their friends bringing their kids.

We'd normally get to pick some nibbles and drinks and sometimes we'd have a film too. We'd be allowed some bucks fizz at midnight and as we got older maybe a beer or something earlier on.

Like another poster I dated one of the boys for a while.

I'd just crack on but set things up so that your kids don't have to do too much hosting. Lay stuff out for people to help themselves etc.

Where? Am I missing something? It says teens, but there’s a world of difference between 13 and 19.
I can see OP has since updated, but it wasn’t there at first.

I have managed this by inviting their actual friends, my teens were much more open to the idea then. I asked them to arrange a teen team to deal with taking coats, their food and drinks, music play list etc. We made lots of areas for Instagram friendly content and literally left them to it! They were obliged to be inclusive and courteous and now they are older, expected to circulate with adults for the first hour too.

i have socially competent teens that are very confident hosts. DD is hosting a party this weekend (16) and needs no assistance.

Ultimately you can do whatever you want.

This doesn't sound like a case of being "closed off" due to Covid, though. They're 13 and 14 year old boys - whether pre or post Covid, there have never been many 13/14 year old boys who'd want to be pushed into entertaining kids they don't know well, ranging from 9-17 years old.

I assume they feel as though they'll be strong armed into entertaining based on past experience, and it does sound as though it's your expectation.

You can absolutely go ahead, and it won't kill them and they may even end up enjoying themselves, but they're not unreasonable to feel put out and I don't think you should be trying to dress it up as being good for them.

Could you set up a couple of games consoles in a room? That's what I'd do.

13 or 14 - difficult age - wouldn't go back there again with my two!

Typical miserable teenagers. Oh we might have to make an effort to interact with people in our own house.

I had this on a cruise with my teenage daughter. Wanted a table for two at dinner. Didn't want to interact. By the end of the holiday she had learnt the art of small talk on a bigger mixed table with strangers. Everyone thought she was so chatty and engaging. She actually enjoyed meeting new people at dinner each night.

Tell them what's happening. End of.

As much as you're entitled to do what you want in your home, it's also their home and their safe space, so it's important to take their feelings into account. How can you make it so you get your party but they also feel safe and comfortable in their home? You need a 2 way discussion where all of your feelings are acknowledged.
You could let them invite friends, you could keep an area of the house clear of visitors, you could set an end time so they know when they can go to sleep.

Also think, if they've enjoyed it before, but don't anymore, was there a trigger for that? A fellow teen who's a bully? A pervy adult in the group? Incompatible opinions with a group member? Or as they say, the feeling they're expected to "host"? Do you expect them to let these kids in their private spaces?

They’re too old to be forced into hanging out with the kids of their parents’ friends. Of course it’s your house and you can have a party whenever you want, but you can’t expect your teens to have fun with other random kids like they did when they were little. And if you’re forcing them to “host” - ie be polite, chatty, hand drinks around, make polite conversation etc - well of course that would be the right thing for them to do, but you can’t expect them to be happy about it. You seem surprised that your teens aren’t overjoyed at the thought of spending an evening entertaining people who aren’t their friends.

Just because they know everyone doesn’t mean they’ll want to hang out with them. Playing with the children of your parents’ friends is fine until 8 or 9. After that it starts to feel really awkward, unless they are good friends in their own right. Your children presumably know they can’t opt out, and will be expected to interact with the others, rather than disappear up to their rooms. 13/14 yr olds won’t have anything in common with 9yr olds or 17 yr olds (although I’d be very surprised if a 17 yr old would go to a NYE party with their parents!) It’s a nice idea in theory, op, but they’re probably cringing already, even if they end up enjoying it on the night!

It's perfectly reasonable of you to throw a party in your own home and invite whoever you want. It's completely unreasonable to expect your children to host or entertain any of your guests, so tell them they can either stay in their rooms or find another party to go to.

Give them their own area with their own food and music and games + moderate alcohol consumption.

So basically the teens are going to be expected to hang out with a 9yr old (amongst others) which will likely really, really annoy them.
The 9yr olds parents will assume the 9yr old is taken care of meaning the teens will practically be babysitting.
You are just using your kids so your friends don't have to pay a babysitter, not surprised they aren't keen

Lol! Perfect!

The fact both children are so against the idea suggests they have a reason. They've probably experienced your parties before and don't fancy being banished to their room with a load of people they don't really know. Blaming covid is a red herring, there's a huge difference between an 8 and 9 yo and 13 and 14!

How would you react OP if both kids were invited to a friend's party and couldn't 'entertain' the other children coming? Also, I think you'd find anyone their age or older would probably stay at home rather than go to a parent's friend's party, where it doesn't sound like they're actually invited to the party, just to sit upstairs. So it would likely end up your two and some primary school kids. I can see why they're not keen... Are they invited to the party or not? As in, will they be sitting chatting with the adults?

This. The 17yr old won't show, guarantee it.
The 13/14yr old hosts are prob going to lumbered with a few younger kids which is lousy.

They need to suck it up and learn how to do polite mingling as its a skill they will need as adults.

Ah but i bet OP isn't willing to give them the option of chilling in their rooms with the door shut, because the adults are relying on them to entertain the 9yr old so that the adults don't have to.

I imagine all the kids, including your friend's kids, will want to do their own thing.

If there is a way to enable a bit of come and go perhaps it would help.

Maybe friends kids and your kids will want to go other parties at pals houses or whatever? At 19 they won't want to do parents things for sure.

Assuming you are fine with your kids staying / going to their rooms I can’t see the issue but you need to make the bedrooms out of bounds for all visitors so that your kids can join in or not . If yours are 13/14 I wouldn’t expect them to spend NYE entertaining a 9 yo and I can’t imagine any of your friends kids over the age of 15 would be wanting to come .