Teens kicking off about nye party

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

Wwyd. We want to have a bit of a party on new year. This would mean that our friends would come over and we’d let their kids come too if they wanted.
My kids are kicking off as they say it will be really awkward and they’ll have to host.
They know all the kids; most of the other kids know each other or have some connections between them.
When we’ve done this kind of thing before they’ve ended up having a good time. I’m worried that they are getting really closed. Covid didn’t help and they just have small groups of friends and that’s it. If kids came round they’d have gaming/films/games/hanging out loads to do! I don’t see a problem. But they are furious.
what have you don’t in this situation to get kids that don’t know each other really well have a party too and relax about hanging out…
when I was younger I got on with it if my parents had a party and I think it makes you more confident at new work places/ gyms / parties if you are used to just getting on with it.

As an adult, I have never once been forced to spend an evening at home with anyone I didn't want to, much less NYE. It's daft to say they need to do it as kids to prepare them for adulthood.

"Can they not invite at least one of their own friends each from their own group?"

This is the way around it.

I can see 13/14 as an awkward age - and found find 'hosting' 9 year olds tedious. I would be surprised if the 17 year old would come - surely they would be doing something with their own mates at that age?

But I wouldn't allow them to call the shots / cancel the party / ban kids .... but I would acknowlege, respect and try to mitigate the discomfort they feel and are expressing to you at this age.

Ok, so your kids dont enjoy hosting and your idea of fun is to force them to do it because you think they SHOULD be enjoying what you are enjoying.

Presumably you neither your friends want to look after the kids and you want to lump them onto yours so you can have adult fun.

Invite mates with no friends and do your thing, leave your kids alone and let them have fun the way they want rather than put pressure because of your idea of what 'fun' should look like. I feel sorry for your kids if they are a bit introverted, or just dont like the other kids, and have parents who dont really care about how they feel.

I dont mingle with people I dont like and never have, shame you do, but maybe your parents conditioned you to just like OP is trying to condition her kids?

Don't let the kids dictate what you do, but don't try to dictate what they do either - have people over, have somewhere kids can be if you have space, but let your kids be in their rooms or retreat there if they want. Also - if you do have a kids' space have a TV and selection of films or Netflix so they can put a film on - easier than making awkward chat.

My dc would have got a very hard kick up the backside Iver this sort of behaviour. It's basic courtesy and time they learnt to sucknup what they don't want to suck up with grace and a smile.

Remind them of their Christmas lists.

TBF we never said they had to host other dc. Everyone was invited to the party. The youngsters usually peeled off in favour of pizzas, better music and films, notwithstanding avoiding the parents.

I don’t understand the emphasis on ‘entertaining’ the 9 year old. They are 9 not 3. Surely the most the teens will do is point out the loo, the food table and some games they can make use of with other little kids. They don’t need to care for a child of that age, they are more than old enough to look after themselves.

We have 6 - 20 age range sometimes. My teens are not responsible for anyone’s child or evening at all. I wouldn’t dream of telling my dc to entertain, just to make everyone welcome initially. The basis of being polite and making sure they know where to find everything- and no ones setting fire to the cat but honestly that’s the extent of it! The younger ones will congregate together and older ones will do the same.

It’s the parents responsibility to ensure their child is safe, happy and having a fun time. We often suggest if we have one young one and no others that they bring a friend too. It’s much easier and more enjoyable for everyone.

This made me laugh 😆

Of course you are entitled to throw a party in your own home. However, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your DC to join in if they don’t want to. I used to absolutely hate this sort of thing as a child.

If the DC are allowed to go out elsewhere that night or stay in their rooms, that’s fine. If I were them I’d be looking to organise a sleepover at a mates house.

It isn’t their decision surely?

So you have never been to a wedding, a friends party, a funeral, work meeting or party etc and had to mingle with strangers or those you might not choose to be with??

This is a very basic skill in life to mix with others, to know how to hold a conversation and be polite.

Most people do not go through life only speaking to people they ‘like’ ofc it is a normal life skill. An important one too.

As someone whose parents used to do this, please don’t. It makes you feel so uncomfortable in your own home, I dreaded it. It’s their home too. They probably didn’t mind when they were younger but it’s different as you get older.

Can they stay at a relatives house? Or can you go out instead and leave them at home?

It is honestly such a horrible feeling, it might seem minor to some people but I’d never put my children through this.

This. If you're expecting your DC to basically entertain and babysit younger children who are not their friends, then I get where they're coming from. I was one of the older kids in this situation as a child and I fucking hated it.

In the end I mostly planned to be out of the house staying at a friends house when my parents expected me to be the unpaid babysitter.

Kids are so great nowadays. I would never of thought of disagreeing with my mothers plans when I was younger or that yes in a way the children of the house are left hosting the other children. I think obviously you need to just press on with your plans but be really pleased that they are self aware enough to recognise their usefulness to you in this instance and you raised them to feel that they to have a voice that should be listened to. I do think you’re right and that it’s in their best interests though. Some children wouldn’t even brush their teeth if left to their own devices. Social interaction is health it’s just mental health.

This.

@CinnamonJellyBeans for the 9 year old?

Totally depends on your expectation; sure they can mingle with other teens for a few hours but if they’re meant to keep a semi random 9 year old entertained and away from their drunk parents all night then yeah, you’re being unreasonable.

@Hopelessinhomecounties your house, your rules, they don’t get to dictate anything

I personally would encourage your kids to go to a sleepover at the house of one of their own friends and avoid it entirely.

I think teens are old enough to learn that it's your house, and sometimes they'll have to be polite and pleasant to people they don't know super well or wouldn't choose to be besties with.

After all I bet you have done lot of things you've not spectactularly enjoyed, like driving children around or hanging around to collect them from things and making small talk with other parents you'd not choose to be friends with otherwise. I think they're probably old enough to be told about that now!

Forced interaction with people who aren’t your friends, or even the same age, in your own home. Doesn’t sound like much fun. They can surely just stay in their rooms if they aren’t feeling it.

Same here. My parents werw friends with a couple who had 4 children that l just didn't click with and yet we had to go holidays with them and spend Christmas/new year etc with them. Felt like my home wasn't my own.

Dd is 13 and there has been a definite shift in her friendship group and she most definitely doesn't want to hang around with kids just because l am friends with their mum. Very awkward for them.

But ultimately it's your house so go ahead but don't make them in charge of entertainment.

Can they invite one of their own friends over each too? More chance they'll enjoy it if they have a friend there.

It gets more awkward as they get older,
I remember being thrown together with kids of my parents friends and it was very awks.

its a shame as it was so nice when they were younger and just all bundled in together and had fun!

can you offer them to invite one friend of their own to come?

you might find your friends kids don’t come in the end if they’re getting older and feeling awkward too!

They are teenagers. It's their nature to moan. Ignore and plan accordingly.

Can your teens invite some of their school friends round to soften the blow?