Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

[Goldengirl123]

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

Indeed.

Smugly going around saying "oh, my kids never use tablets. They play with a hoop and a stick and get a satsuma every christmas in their stocking" doesn't make anyone a better parent than those who do let them play on an ipad from time to time.

Sometimes you do have to do stuff that's not their ideal activity - food shopping, running errands etc... that's just life.

But when it comes to choice, then I consider what everyone wants to do. If it's something I want to do but wouldn't appeal to them, I do it in my own time e.g. I pay for a babysitter, or DH babysits and I go out with friends, or go to a sports club.

If a child cannot sit in a restaurant without a screen to keep them quiet, then to me that's not enjoyable - I'd feel sad I had chosen an activity that they didn't want to engage in and would much rather do something that they'd like.

My kids do have screen time, but it's for when some "quiet time" is required, and they need to sit still for a bit and relax, or I need to perhaps cook dinner for them.

Fair enough, I wouldn’t leave my 11mo or my 3yo with a babysitter. We don’t specifically go out for dinner with the kids (because I agree it’s not fun and a waste of money tbh), although we do sometimes eat out at the end of a day our, or more commonly it might be lunch.

So it’s completely fine for you to stick your kids in front of a screen because it suits you or you need quiet time, screen time for cooking is fine but it’s totally different and horrible for parents to occasionally use it to eat dinner.
Some high horse that is!

DS didn't have screens at all when he was little, not even any tv before 2 - but I'd much rather people's kids were on screens than being as annoying as hell. By annoying as hell i mean running up and down the restaurant and screaming - even in a child friendly restaurant that isn't appropriate,

This post says it all.
Probably better you stay with your head stuck in your phone.

I don’t think most people want to sit through idle chit chat with a stranger while waiting for a medical appointment. This quite clearly isn’t new hence waiting rooms historically being full of newspapers and magazines.

90s kid.

When we were young and at dinners, we’d be taken outside to play by an adult in between courses. We’d also take colouring books.

I apologise but to me it’s laziness and easier than engaging with your child. You also have to be aware that dinner can’t last hours as children don’t have the patience.

I may seem judgemental, maybe I am, but I personally think a lot of parents don’t want to engage with their kids. At the supermarket even small babies have screens thrust in their face with Peppa Pig on.

I have no problem saying that I am absolutely judging your parenting skills if I see ALL the family on their devices. There’s absolutely no reason why you’ve gone out for a meal together if you’re all just heads down on devices - stay at home, what’s the point otherwise? It’s really awful to see and honestly trying to justify it by saying you work hard- as though the rest of us don’t- so you’re too tired to talk to your kids when out together, is really crappy parenting, why are we pretending that it isn’t? But of course that’s not my business, but you do you.

I always let my youngest have his iPad on holiday when we are having dinner, we would have spent the majority of the day swimming and doing activities with him. In the evening he wants chill time and so do DH and I

I think people will always judge on this topic and to be honest you have no right to judge other families. We have one DD who’s just turned 4 and she will colour, use a busy board, read books and we chat but there is only so much my active 4 year will do until that she becomes irritated in the seat. So we let her watch an iPad (not when eating)
but again who is anyone to judge what we do with do with OUR child. Our child is happy healthy polite and loves playing like any other child. So what’s the issue?

Knowing what we do now about the effect of screens on the developing brain- I would not let my kids have screens until much older. My children were in high school before they got a tablet/ I phone. I am so grateful that they are that bit older so missed this experiment of giving very young children screens. We will look back horrified in about ten years that we let children have screens at a young age.

Devices have their time and place, but not at the dinner table or in shops etc.

My optician the other day saw our whole family (we all had appointments) sitting there reading books and said it's a really rare sight these days not to see a screen in sight when people are waiting. Lamented how screen are actively damaging children's eyes. I did point out that when I was young, it was reading that was said to do the same, but there is, apparently, far more eye movement involved and therefore reading is far better for eyesight than screen time.

Parents need to find other ways to entertain their children. Talking is a good start, in shops the children always got involved and in restaurants it was talking/ puzzles/ colouring. All of those lead to more socialisation than phones or tablets.

My eldest is now an adult, by the way, and very well-adjusted, so yes, I have lived through the whole teen experience without relenting.

YANBU OP but this is MN where, even if you’ve seen that all the families in a restaurant are doing this for a 2 hour meal, it’s somehow only a snapshot of 20 minutes, the rest of the time their parenting involves no screens. Oh, and all of the kids involved will be ND and wearing headphones.

Meanwhile, in the real world, we have increasing calls for awareness from educators about the damage that excessive screen use is doing to more and more children.

I know which side I believe…

👏

Everyone can judge others, doesn’t mean they should go over and say that out loud, nor should anyone think they have the right to tell anyone else how to parent, but no point pretending that you’re not judging- it’s like the breast feeding issue, you’re being judged by other parents if you get out the formula bottle.
The phone use in families has become yet another thing to be judged on. I hate what phones have done to family life in general, so I feel sad I see all the family on their phones when they could be chatting or catching up (if they have busy lives) together over a meal.

Meh, their on holiday. Screen time is probably going to be more relaxed on holiday.

Even if not though, it isn’t something I can get worked up about. It’s a tool to keep them occupied at the table, just as colouring etc is.

Because they don't want to

HTH

The thing is, children learn from a very young age. They learn table manners and the art of conversation. If your child associates eating out with a device, they will be unlikely to break the habit or even want to. In other words, they won't suddenly become a child that wants to sit nicely at the table and engage in conversation at the magic age of 6 or 7 or whatever.

😂

Yep

you talk to people in medical waiting rooms? you're the one nobody wants to sit next to, aren't you?

You have no idea what's going on in someone's life that means they may just want to be left alone, though. Why can't you just leave them be?

To me, it's common sense that someone waiting for a medical appointment could be nervous or scared and not in the mood to interact with a total stranger who happens to be sat nearby, but clearly common sense ain't all that common anymore!

Umm... hi, screen queen? What exactly was so funny about my post?