Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

[Goldengirl123]

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

What is even the purpose of a thread like this? So the holier than thou parents can come on to virtue signal?

The absolute irony that everyone posting on here is likely sitting with their phone or ipad in their hands.

Most children cannot use cutlery these days and lack table manners such as leaving the table, they eat food like lollies -stabbing the food and gnawing at it and not cutting it. Most cannot use a knife.

You see it with adults too

Everyone is surely entitled to eat a meal in a restaurant comfortably. If that means giving children with additional needs of any type, that mean a restaurant environment is difficult for them, then a tablet on silent or with headphones is probably what they have to do.

Perhaps parents of ND children are put off eating out, because it’s difficult for their children and a device allows them the chance to eat out.

I also think that there are people who are NT, but prefer to look at a screen rather than have conversations with their companions and I think that is sad, but I regard having a meal in a restaurant as a social occasion that doesn’t happen often. I think that we are so used to using devices for everything, that the phone or tablet is the default now. It’s a regular occurrence that someone will walk into you in the street, because they’re gazing at their phone. They may well be looking something up, finding some information or getting in touch with someone, but it does tend to make them oblivious to what’s going on around them and careless of other people.

I'm really not bothered what other people choose to do. As long as the iPad is quiet and not disturbing others.

Everyone is ND! Kids with SEND have a range of alternatives.

I know parents will be along to claim it's the only way that children can be settled but for me if your kid needs a device at the table they're not ready to be in a restaurant and it's just lazy parenting so the parents can absolve themselves of the need to actually engage their children in conversation, learning, fun etc.

Whats wrong with occasional lazy parenting though? I think there is far more pressure on parents nowadays with regards to watching/being around their dc vs my childhood in the 80s/90s or my parents childhoods. Plus I learned lots from watching the TV! 😆

Totally agree, I hate seeing it too. I have older children (late teens - early 20’s) and younger children (primary to early high school) and have never let them sit there on screens when we’re eating out. They need to learn to socialise, to wait for a meal, how to behave in those situations. We sit and talk, the younger ones still love places that hand out colouring sheets and crayons and when they were really little I’d always make sure I had things to amuse them in the changing bag. Yes it’s not the most relaxing experience when they are very young, but they soon learn how to behave in those situations.

Throwing a different perspective out there, but I really wish that I had the privilege to be an "old fashioned" parent, but the reality for the current generation with young children is that we have to work extremely hard for a hell of a lot less than you used to get. When I was younger, my parents bought our first family home for about £15k. My dad had an easy job and could more than afford the bills. My mum also worked, but she had a job she loved and never had to worry about money. Both parents were happy and had plenty energy to spend with us at the weekends.
Fast forward to today... I have an extremely mentally challenging job which I don't particularly enjoy but I can't afford to leave. My partner has a physically demanding job which doesn't pay particularly well but it's be very best he can earn on his experience. Our first home cost nearly 20x as much as what our parents' first houses cost, but your lucky if we earn 2x as much as our parents earned. We are exhausted. We are doing our best. Do I hand my children devices when they start acting up in public because I am literally too mentally and physically exhausted to have to deal with tantrums in public? Damn right I do! Please give modern parents a break, you think we have it easy, and in some respects we do, but in other respects we really don't. But we are trying to do our very best.

We've also just got back from holiday. We spent every day as a family, spending quality time together, either at the beach, doing boat trips, playing sports etc etc but on the evening meal yes I would let DS watch something if he wanted, I think he probably needed some downtime and after spending the whole day together talking and laughing what's wrong with that? It also meant DH and I could also have a bit of downtime too. Fail to see the issue if I'm being honest.

Couldn't tell you if anyone else in the restaurant were doing the same thing as I just wouldn't notice as it's nothing to do with me 🤷🏼‍♀️

If your child cannot and sit at a table and make polite conversation whilst waiting for a food it speaks volumes.

We eat out regularly. We ask the kids questions, play I spy, do colouring in together if the restaurant has crayons, play the alphabet game, just chat and enjoy them being so cute.

The one time I have given the kids my phone is when there was a HUGE delay on food and they were starving.

No one is talking about children with GENUINE needs that mean they can’t sit at a table for any amount of time. Yet most of those kids on iPads or phones ARE NOT autistic…

I used to think like this. Then I had a 2 year old...

If your child cannot and sit at a table and make polite conversation whilst waiting for a food it speaks volumes.

🙄

My dc don’t need a device but they often don’t make polite conversation 😆

less

“oh mummy I do hope the gladiolus come back next year, they really were quite cheerful”

& more

“I’m starving, how long will the food be?, can we go home after lunch?

context is also key. I’m a SAHM. I spend all 3 meals a day (plus snacks) at home with my preschoolers sitting at a table and interacting with them. I spend 99.99999% of my life with them. We don’t have any family help. Someone up thread said eating in a restaurant is about spending quality time with each other. I spend enough quality time with my children! They get me all day everyday!

what I don’t have, is any time for myself. Ever. Or for my husband. Maybe we would actually like to have a conversation with each other at the hotel we’ve saved all year for?!

very different situation to then being plonked in front of a screen at home every meal. My friends are smug about being “a screen free family” but their kids are school aged and in wrap around care 8-6pm and don’t eat at home during the week. Very easy to be screen free when the children are barely at home 🤷‍♀️

Exactly this. Nothing wrong with a bit of lazy parenting from time to time in my opinion.

Getting kids to shut up is the key aspect of parenting now. /s

I don’t see this in local restaurants. Maybe very occasionally.

If you’re on holiday it will skew things a little. They’ve had the whole day of activities, or sightseeing, etc. They might just want to relax with a bit of screen time before bed as a lot of adults do.

If you judged me based on my holiday habits you’d think I ate a three course meal every day and had a glass of wine with my lunch - sadly work tend to frown upon this, so I just save it for holidays!

I used to read a book at the table on holiday with my parents if I was tired, it’s no different, I wasn’t engaging constantly with them. I believe my table manners are fine now - I’ve not had any complaints!

Some restaurants didn't help.
When ours were younger, we made a poing of going to places with outdoor play areas, then one of us was out with them til the food came.
Then when they did upgrades of the play areas, they became for under 5s only - previouly they had been up to about 12 - and they introduced screens in the restaurant for older ones instead!

Lols

Getting kids to shut up is the key aspect of parenting now. /s

Because they are around them so much more vs the past!

Each to their own but my views align with yours OP. I wouldn’t say it necessarily bothers me I just sort of see it as a shame. I get some children might be neurodiverse and so having a device can be helpful in coping with busy/social situations. But as pp’s have said it isn’t just children, a lot of adults don’t appear to socially interact when out and are on their devices. I do think it is about balance though. I’ve used a device once for DS when eating out after a long day of driving and he was getting understandably tired and because we never really use it, it was great for occupying him for that extra 10 mins or so needed to finish dinners and get off to the hotel for bed. I think it is a problem if kids are constantly on their devices and there is no social interaction.

This comes up all the time on here.
Horses for courses as far as I'm concerned, do whatever works for you as a parent as long as it's not hurting anyone else.
Why does anyone care if a kid is sat quietly with a screen in a restaurant? Good for you if your kids are happy to sit and chat to you but some kids aren't and if there's a solution as simple as that so that the parents can enjoy a nice meal then when not.
Some folk will take any opportunity to judge.