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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

282 replies

Goldengirl123 · 27/10/2024 08:24

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/10/2024 08:27

I couldn't care less what other people do - as long as the sound is off.

DelicateSoundOfEchos · 27/10/2024 08:27

I can't stand it. But it isn't just children. I see lots of couples barely uttering a word to each other as they sit scrolling on their phones.

It's quite sad.

I know parents will be along to claim it's the only way that children can be settled but for me if your kid needs a device at the table they're not ready to be in a restaurant and it's just lazy parenting so the parents can absolve themselves of the need to actually engage their children in conversation, learning, fun etc.

Edited to add that I'm quite old fashioned as I don't agree with any sort of devices at the dinner table.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 27/10/2024 08:27

You’re not old fashioned. You are a decent parent.
Screen free family here - kids are young so they don’t need them. We talk, play card games, they can do a sticker book but they won’t ever get to look at a phone or iPad until they need them for school and that is a good 6 years away.

curtaintwitcher78 · 27/10/2024 08:29

I'd say they could keep their kids occupied however they like if any of them had heard of earphones, but no, we all have to be subjected to their grating, high-pitched nonsense. Ruins a meal.
Put headphones on your kids. We do not want to hear it.

frockandcrocs · 27/10/2024 08:30

ilovesooty · 27/10/2024 08:27

I couldn't care less what other people do - as long as the sound is off.

This- do I think it's weird? Yes. But it's none of my business.

schmeler · 27/10/2024 08:31

If it was the norm to engage with the children at meals then the kids wouldn't even ask for screens. They do not give them screens in nursery or school so their kids will be eating without screens then so it can be done. It is due to them not wanting to engage or can't be bothered to engage.

And we wonder why kids' language and communication skills are poor now in the main!

Lookslikemeemaw · 27/10/2024 08:31

Lazy lazy parenting and becoming the norm. Not sure how we expect our kids how to learn about social behaviour when we do this.
Saw a guy in Tesco with his kids, both on devices trailing around with him oblivious to anything and walking into people etc.
when are they supposed to learn even the boring life skills like buying groceries etc?

Twixfixing · 27/10/2024 08:32

Bit who knows how they have spent the rest of the day & sometimes parents just want a nice meal without being rushed.

We have eaten out a few times the last few days and my dc haven’t had a device but they have had them at other points during the day..

Original poster
Goldengirl123 · 27/10/2024 08:32

It’s also about teaching children table manners too.

OP posts:
Twixfixing · 27/10/2024 08:33

although one was reading a book, would this be judged in the same way? My parents always told me off for reading at the table

MumChp · 27/10/2024 08:33

Their choice.
Because you see an Ipad at a meal un a restaurant it doesn't mean all meals are done like that.

My young niece has Asberger. She copes in a restaurant with an Ipad (with earphones) if she is tired. And the rest of the family can go out for a few hours.

Welshfiver · 27/10/2024 08:34

Twixfixing · 27/10/2024 08:32

Bit who knows how they have spent the rest of the day & sometimes parents just want a nice meal without being rushed.

We have eaten out a few times the last few days and my dc haven’t had a device but they have had them at other points during the day..

Exactly this. I will sometimes give my 3 year old my phone in a cafe so I can have something to eat without needing to chase him around. Is this wrong? Literally spend all day running after him. When he's older I guess it'll be easier to make conversation over a meal.

MumChp · 27/10/2024 08:36

Goldengirl123 · 27/10/2024 08:32

It’s also about teaching children table manners too.

Can be done even you see a kid with an Ipad in a restaurant.
That moment you see says nothing about how a child is taught table manners.

AuntieMatter · 27/10/2024 08:36

You really don't know why an individual parent or family might be doing this. You can't draw wider conclusions from a snapshot. You might be looking at kids who are neurodivergent and struggle with the restaurant environment. Or families who have had a ton of social time together all day.

Personally we don't have devices at the table. So I'm not being defensive when I suggest you be a little less judgemental.

BarbaraHoward · 27/10/2024 08:37

I think this must come up on here weekly.

Personally, we don't allow our DC screens in restaurants, never have. Aside from homework apps for the eldest they've literally just had our tablets for a plane trip and hospital appointments (really useful for blood tests!).

But every family is different, and you're just seeing a snapshot. The family you're judging at dinner may well have had a perfect day of idyllic family fun together and practised table manners at breakfast and lunch. Maybe the screens mean a more relaxed, enjoyable dinner for everyone and are the only downtime the parents have had all day.

ETA and of course you can't judge additional needs on sight.

ShowmetheBotox · 27/10/2024 08:38

I live near a holiday destination. I walked past a family of Chinese tourists ( I think) sat having a coffee at a cafe. Looked like grandparents, parents and two teenagers. Every single one of them was heads down looking at there phone. I laughed at first then felt sad. It looked so odd.

I get when parents give their kids screens at a restaurant. The parents deserve a nice meal too and some kids are too young for riveting conversation and get bored. Plus it stops them from pissing about and annoying other diners.

But is the end result an entire family completely zoned out from engaging with each other? Scary

aesoplover · 27/10/2024 08:39

My kids are neurodivergent and CANNOT sit still and have a conversation at the dinner table. We have tried everything:interesting conversation, colouring, puzzle books etc.
What happens is that we try all that for a while and then we can see tensions starting to rise, so to SAVE OTHER DINERS from our kids kicking off we get to a point where we give in and let them have a device. It is always on silent though.

I also don't see that it's too different to having a colouring set at the table as long as there is no noise.

ApplePippa · 27/10/2024 08:40

I know parents will be along to claim it's the only way that children can be settled but for me if your kid needs a device at the table they're not ready to be in a restaurant and it's just lazy parenting so the parents can absolve themselves of the need to actually engage their children in conversation, learning, fun etc.

I'm sorry I didn't hide my then non-verbal autistic child away from society when he was younger. It was clearly just him not ready to be in a restaurant and my bad parenting. I'm sorry us trying to do some normal family things offended you so much - it must have been devastating to see a four year old sitting quietly with a screen (with no sound turned on).

I know people will be along to.claim they don't mean disabled children.... (Sigh)

Littlemisscapable · 27/10/2024 08:41

Yes its a snapshot ...you don't know what their day is like..but looking at toddlers in buggies/trolleys holding phones to distract them worries me. Lots of children are coming to school with poor speech and some of this has be caused by their home environment. It's becoming really normal but it's not always OK.

DiddyRa · 27/10/2024 08:41

I have children with hidden disabilities. Screens can give them something to focus on instead of the chaos around them. This in turn means they don't have a meltdown
causing stress to their siblings and disturb other diners. I also Don’t have to force my own food down at the speed of light to add to the stress of being a carer to disabled children. I’ll sure as hell be allowing screens at the table on holiday too when they’re in unfamiliar surroundings. My kids don’t look disabled. You wouldn’t know. Is that ok? Or maybe I’m just lazy.

StillCreatingAName · 27/10/2024 08:41

The op is not wrong. If it was a few families, with just the children on devices, I’d be inclined to say we should assume they have their own reasons, but as it’s everyone, it’s just the norm and the saddest thing is when there’s two adults with children and they’re all on devices. absolutely no point being on holiday with each other 🤷‍♀️

GiraffeTree · 27/10/2024 08:42

I agree OP.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2024 08:43

AgainandagainandagainSS · 27/10/2024 08:27

You’re not old fashioned. You are a decent parent.
Screen free family here - kids are young so they don’t need them. We talk, play card games, they can do a sticker book but they won’t ever get to look at a phone or iPad until they need them for school and that is a good 6 years away.

His old are your kids

Dd started needing / using an iPad in year 2 so 6/7yr

They do maths and spellings on them

Wentie · 27/10/2024 08:44

Eurgh honestly just piss off.

they may be excellent parents and have probably spent the entire day entertaining their children, and wouldn’t do so at home. But maybe they just want 5 minutes of peace on the holiday they’ve scrimped all year to save for.

some children cannot be pacified by sticker books and colouring, my not quite 2 year old wants to be up down and everywhere or throwing food. We manage meal times at home without screens as they are quick and efficient and he doesn’t have to wait half hour for food to be brought to the table, has his own schedule etc . I don’t want to be walking him up and down the restaurant when it’s my one holiday a year and I want to enjoy it. I am an engaged and active parent for the other 47 weeks!!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2024 08:44

But agree screen time isn't needed when out /at home for meals as a family

Tho if dd is eating a meal on her own at home we do have tv on

Equally I R.E.M. all sitting on the sofa eating dinner as a family and tv on