Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

[Goldengirl123]

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

We are not allowed screens at our dinner table at home. However when we are abroad we are in the pool/on the beach with no screens. So when we go for dinner then I allow my children to have them so they can have a Bit of down time and I can talk
To my husband without being interrupted, like we have been all day. You have no idea what the remaining behind it all is.

I don't like tablets or phones at the table but for very young children, after finishing their meal, it can extend the time enough for the parents to enjoy a coffee.
My niece (14) is severely autistic and we couldn't go anywhere without her iPad. She won't tolerate earphones but the volume is very low (I can barely hear it sat at the same table). My own children never use phones/tablets at the table.

Distracting children so the adults can enjoy a meal and other dinners aren’t disturbed has always been a thing. All kids struggle to sit quietly for over an hour.

If you take children to Pizza Express or any other family friendly restaurant, a tub of crayons are quickly put on the table along with colouring/games sheets. I took my daughter for afternoon tea as a special treat at a very nice hotel in London, and the pack she was given to entertain herself was really nice and good quality. I suspect this was for the benefit of other patrons rather than for my daughter.

IPads and phones are just another version of this, a way to keep little minds occupied so the parents and other diners can enjoy the meal. If you are on the neighbouring table, don’t huff and puff, appreciate that you can enjoy your meal in relative peace.

And sound turned down low is as irritating as it turned up.

Headphones all the way

For those who can't wear headphones, can they not wear beanie hats with headphones built in them

All kids struggle to sit quietly for over an hour

Nobody is expecting kids to sit quietly for an hour. Just not screech and shout and run around. It’s perfectly possible for them to do this without being attached to a screen

I did that as a child, except I was reading a book rather than looking at a screen. Would hold on to the back of my mam's coat so I didn't get left behind.

We let DS use a phone/tablet sometimes in restaurants/cafés. Sometimes you need to go out when your child doesn't, sometimes food takes longer than expected to arrive. Always had the volume down though and we didn't ignore him, we'd talk to him about what he was doing. He particularly liked the Dipdap app and I remember him watching the Mousehole Cat in an Italian restaurant once with no sound as he knew the whole story.

I don't understand your point. The two are totally different.

If I need to cook dinner I cannot have a child with ADHD/ASD around, as it's a huge health and safety risk, so I need him to do something that will absorb him (otherwise no one gets dinner).

Cooking a family meal is a necessity and HAS to be done. Going to a restaurant to eat is a luxury/fun activity and is optional.

pisses me off that people think they are entitled to judge others

It’s part of the human condition. You’re literally judging people for judging people so…

clap clap

The real necessity is eating.

In both cases, a screen is used to facilitate everyone being fed. There is no real difference between those two cases.

The obvious point is to get food, not have to cook and everyone picking what they fancy.

Not every restaurant visit is a social occasion. If the group in question have spent the whole day out together, why couldn't they use the time to rest while waiting for the dinner?

It makes me sad to see it, and I hope restaurants would consider banning it. It’s just such a sorry sight.
I work in education and behavioural needs are getting worse and attention spans shorter. Screens are not helping, loads of research has been done about fast paced shoes/ games.

Parents need to parent even when it’s hard.

@TwinklyAmberOrca some kids will never be able to due to special needs do you think we should socially isolate these children forever excluding them from these events and essentially keeping them away from large family celebrations if they are a meal out? my grandmother took that approach with my uncle and i can tell you now it made that branch of the family lonely and in a insular

I think it can be ok but it depends what has happened the rest of the day. My adult daughters literally never stop talking if we are having a day out together so sometimes we agree to having a timeout from each other when we grab a coffee. To outsiders we would look like we are ignoring each other and are obsessed with our phones but the reality is that it's just a part of a day full of laughter and conversation.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair best Mum
of year award for the introduction of Mousehole Cat! Which will be tip of iceberg I know re: reading material ;)

I remember back in the 80s people pontificating about colouring in sheets and kids meals and how in their day you ate a small adult meal and sat quietly with your hands in your lap unless spoken to. This is just a new incarnation of the same thing.

I'm with you, OP. Imagine you had fallen asleep 20 years ago and woke up today and so could see our obsession with phones as the madness it really is. If I were an artist I'd do a version of Hogarth's Gin Lane but with phones instead of gin.

Judging is not allowed but passive aggressive sarcasm is?

I don’t think it’s fair to extrapolate what you see on holiday to every day life. I have four kids. We eat dinner as a family every night at the table, talk about our day etc. dinner lasts 30 mins then the younger kids go off to play while we clean up. If we go for an AI type holiday we would want to sit at the table for an hour or more enjoying a relaxed meal. There isn’t anywhere for younger kids to play and I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to sit at the table for ages so i think a screen with headphones while adults / teens chat is fine. Yes, I suppose it’s lazy parenting but is it not ok to be lazy on holiday? Ideally, I wouldn’t take under 5’s to a restaurant because even with colouring, stickers etc they don’t want to sit at the table for long and I don’t want to spend a fortune on a meal which I can’t enjoy because I’m being asked to read a book while I eat. But if you’re staying in a hotel with no cooking facilities the restaurant is unavoidable.

despite being allowed screens in restaurants (and on airplanes and in the car) on holidays my older kids are great conversationalists and are doing well academically so I don’t think this appalling piece of parenting has stunted their growth too badly.

Books and screens are not really comparable

I do understand that but it depends. When we are at a restaurant, it isn't a rule, but my older 3 children who are 15, 15 and 12 know they shouldn't just sit there on their phones and not say a word. I don't mind them checking it occasionally while waiting for food but we are a close family and will enjoy talking regardless.

When they were little, we didn't even consider bringing iPads or tablets! I have a 6 year old who isn't allowed iPads or a tablet at restaurants either.

But I don't judge others. It can be nice to have a break and everyone parents differently and you don't know the situation. I also have a 9 year old who has anxiety and can get very overwhelmed. The only way to be able to let her enjoy her time in a busy restaurant is to let her watch a Youtube video on her iPad or let her plug in her headphones for music. It doesn't distract anybody else and it's how we work so I do not see a problem