Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

[Goldengirl123]

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

Exactly. A sensible culture where children were allowed to play and make noise would make it easier, but when most people in the restaurant want quiet, screens are useful.

In my experience, it's very difficult going to a restaurant with children and best avoided unless you have friends or family who actually play with and talk with the children, rather than want the parents' attention while the parent is obviously having to attend to the children throughout the meal.

My child is highly autistic and we often give them a phone or iPad in restaurants, we also read books, play with toys and talk to them. It depends on the environment/ situation. Every now and again I come across posts like this and my heart sinks as it feels like these people would like to exclude my child from parts of society. Please think about this when calling people 'lazy lazy parents' and some of the other comments that are on this thread. If I didn't have these options to help my child self regulate our world would become much smaller. Unless my child is wearing their ear defenders, or lanyard (which only serves to prevent ignorant people being unkind) you would not tell at first glance they have a disability.

My parents in law usually have the family dinner in the house.

My brother in law took us to wetherspoons they have a quick turnaround. The 6 year old could barely sit for 10 mins while eating dinner.

There are ways to keep kids quiet without screens

@LameBorzoi ageee with this.

I have just returned from holiday - short haul flight with TUI about 4.5 hours. With my 2 yo. He had a pad/ tablet on the flight and the lady sat next to us was disgusted he was on a screen. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Be the nightmare parent / child on the flight with him kicking off and screaming? He is 2 - he is utterly unreasonable and you cannot prevent tantrums / screaming / kicking off. Anyone that thinks you can obviously can’t remember what having a 2 yo is like.

you can’t even walk them up and down the plane anymore - the was no where to stand/ you’re not allowed in the galley area anymore and I got told off by cabin crew for walking him up and down the aisle - they want everyone to stay in their seats. Fine, but please tell me what else I’m supposed to do as a sticker book is not fucking cutting it and he’s more likely to lob crayons across the cabin than colour with them.

He isn’t my first child by the way, I just think this mantra of “colouring and a sticker book” is ridiculous and some people must have really easy children!

Exactly

Are people really this judgey? I’m surprised. Dismayed a little too. For me, if I’ve no idea how the parents had interacted throughout the day, the children involved and their needs, I can’t imagine sitting judging people,like this.

i would judge a parent who didn’t interact, scrolled on their own phone etc leaving their own kid to entertain themselves as a regular occurrence, but I’d not judge anyone on a snapshot of a meal on holiday.

plus screens can be very educational and good for kids, from the games they play, the art they do, to the reading. Managed correctly I think they are great for children,

Why is having kids who sit nicely at a meal table be holier than thou?

And we're not talking about ND kids here, that's not the point of this thread.

If kids don't ENJOY sitting at a table in a restaurant waiting for food then there's nothing wrong with that, but why not take them somewhere else that they will enjoy?!

Get a take-away, go for a picnic in a park, get fast food, cook at home etc... or get a babysitter and leave the kids at home then enjoy the restaurant meal on your own if you that badly want to go to a restaurant!

Surely you have kids so you can be a family and do fun stuff together?

And yes, I am on my phone. After losing 8 out of 12 games of UNO, I need a coffee! The kids have gone upstairs to play Lego! At 10.30am I have said we can go for a walk!

The aggressive responses that this thread has produced is rather telling!

So they have your permission?, that's nice

People do not know how to converse with each other now and have such unrealistic expectations of life/ how they should look / that their relationship should be like barbie and ken

We have ocassionally used ipads in restaurants on holiday (headphone though!). At home we would never do it and eat as a family 13 out 14 nights. If adults aren’t eating then at least one of us sits at the tables and chat to the children. But on holiday they’re getting constant adult attention and conversation and they’re also in a unfamiliar environment and some times need down time and the familiarity of a known TV show. Reading and the library is a big thing in our family, both children have advanced vocabulary and reading age, a great knowledge of current affairs and the wider world.

Holidays only accounts for up to 3 weeks out of 52. For us what happens the other 49 weeks of the year is much more important.

Last night DH and I went out for a date night. There was a couple out with a clearly ausistic younger teen who was on her tablet. My thoughts were I’m glad the parents can get out and I sadly wondered if they get any time without their teenager. Never once did I think she shouldn’t be on the ipad.

As long as the sound isn't on, I wouldn't judge. It's a snippet of someone's lives. Perhaps they've eaten out late every week and it's the end of their holiday and their kids are tired and it's a one-off. Perhaps their child has SEN and a tablet helps regulate them. It doesn't affect me so why would I waste headspace thinking about it anyway?

We don't use them in restaurants etc for our kids, but our kids are NT and pretty happy in that environment. Would I use them if it made everyone's lives easier and more enjoyable? You bet.

Right. I'd give my child a colouring book and he'd have finished it 5 mins or got bored. And that's nothing to do with my parenting - his brain just works differently to someone else's child's. Screens work for these children because there is the option to change to another game/video. In days gone by these would be the same children that people would complain about "kicking off" or "running about" or parents just wouldn't take them out at all.

How great is it that parents who might have once thought that they can't take their child on a plane can now experience a holiday like everyone else.

When my children were very young, I think pre-school, the tablets and phones were a lifesaver!

Sure - you can do colouring, stickers etc.. but my children tired of these much quicker than it took for the food to arrive, and with no screens we had to rush our meals and leave quickly. Three year olds cannot sit still for long periods (certainly mine couldn't!)

When I gave my pre-school age children a screen in a restaurant it meant we didn't worry how long it took for the food to arrive, could enjoy our meal slowly, and maybe even have a coffee at the end of the meal! It was a far more relaxing experience.

Now my children are older, they don't bring any phones when we go to a cafe or restaurant, they are not allowed, but they have better concentration and can manage to sit still and wait for their food, and they are are able to have conversations around the table. So it's all fine.

I honestly don't see what's wrong with pre-school age children having a device at the table as long as the sound is off or they use headphones.

I sometimes think the people who judge this assume that these parents must be placing their child in a locked room in front of a screen 24 hours a day! Makes me laugh!

My children may have had a tablet at the table for lunch occasionally when out, but they also swam, played football, did arts and crafts, built Lego, climbed trees ..... Now in yr 8 and yr 6 their early exposure to a screen on occasion when in a restaurant seems to have done them no harm! Both are kind, intelligent, thoughtful children able to hold good conversation around the lunch table!

I’m going to reveal something to you that might come as something of a shock:

Unless a child is being abused, it’s none of your business how their parent chooses to parent them. They do not owe you an explanation for their choices. They do not owe you justification for their choices.

Mad, isn’t it!

When I was growing up in the 80s there were a lot less cafes and restaurants and they were relatively more expensive - I'm pretty sure my parents didn't take us out for food unless we were on holiday, and then it was a pub or Little Chef type place- the issue of keeping kids happy in a restaurant didn't arise because they weren't taken there in the first place!

Maybe if they're on holiday the adults just fancy one meal where they can chat and relax without colouring in, dealing with fighting, worrying about upsetting other diners with noise etc. Having a break makes for better parents too! It doesn't mean they allow it all the time.

Parents are damned if they do, damned if they don't. If kids are talkative other diners hate it, if they're on screens so they're quiet other adults hate it too 🤷‍♀️

You do get it then, you just don't agree.

Eating out has a different role than before, so "table manners" will have to adjust.
Eating out is morphing from a social occasion to getting food and chill (in some cases).

With my partner we sometimes do our own screen time in a normal restaurant on holiday/after hiking. It felt odd at the beginning, but it works for us. We are talking all the day when we are out and about, and the restaurant is louder with less privacy, so an ideal moment for tuning out with a screen.

This feels such a middle class thing to judge.

I don't understand people who go on family holidays and then send their children to kids club. But these things are deemed a great bonus of holidays, or indeed essential, for others.

Similarly I always swim with my kids. But at least half don't bother even with children who aren't that old. Shall I go and judge them? Or shall I assume that maybe they can't swim, don't like water or have an ear infection.

I think the PP nailed it with it depends what you are going out for. On holiday, it's just to eat really. The special family time was elsewhere.

If it's a special family meal at home then no, they probably wouldn't take devices.

We eat every meal at our table as a family. I'm perfectly content that I have spent quality time with my children and so I'm equally happy to let them enjoy WiFi for an hour a day.

I agree with you OP. And yes, I am judgemental about it. I was out for a meal with a friend once and I saw a guy with his (I think about 18month old) having a pint at 9pm with his mates and his kid propped up watching coco melon on his phone
Another family outing, again quite late in the evening, all grown ups sat around chatting and one young child in a pushchair watching a screen
Sports day - every little toddler that had come with their parents to watch their siblings compete… all being pushed around in pushchairs with their noses buried in screens.
I don’t think it’s healthy for developing brains. Especially because the kids are missing out on watching the real world, how adults interact with each other so they can learn social skills

6 years away? Are they still in the womb?

You do realise that tablet devices are introduced in pre-school now, don’t you? Do you want your kids to fall behind before they’ve even started school?

My son had an iPad for his 4th birthday. By the time he started school he was reading with a reading age 3-4 yrs above expected, had basic maths skills and even knew some simple phrases in other languages (thanks Dora).

He goes to an ordinary secondary school now and is still ahead of his peers with excellent language and Maths skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is some of this down to the fact kids aere going out for meals at earlier ages than in previous generations? I’m in my 40s and don’t remember eating out in a restaurant until I was about 7. Holidays were the exception, and I remember my brother being an absolute nightmare in restaurants. Without a way to pacify him, meals often ended in arguments and tears. So, I’m not surprised at all when I see posters saying kids at that age can’t sit down and quietly eat a meal. Seems very normal to me.

Not as quiet as screens keep them.

Even just chatting or playing with stickers, some kids have no volume control. They'll laugh loudly, yell, exclaim. If all the other kids are on screens, then this looks very noisy by comparison.