Children on phones/iPads in restaurabts

[Goldengirl123]

We have just got back from holiday and every night in restaurants. children of all ages were either looking at their phones or iPads the whole time. What’s happened to families sitting and having a conversation at meals times? I personally think it’s so wrong but maybe I am just being old fashioned

Probably best to just focus on your own family and let other people worry about theirs, no?

I think on holiday in the evenings when kids would usually be in bed it's fine. Routinely if no additional needs it's shit parenting. Realistically though I don't really care what other people do.

It's just lazy parenting. My two are too old for screens to have been a thing and behaved nicely in restaurants without them. Engaging with them was far better and I have sociable young adults now who can hold conversations with many people

I can't imagine being this judgemental over a snapshot of someone else's life.

Yes I think it's such a shame

I've never given my DD an iPad at the table, she's almost 4 and asked me recently why and I told her that it's because I want us to talk to each other while we eat

Yeah, let's go back to the sixties when kids were chucked out to fend for themselves all day at the age of six instead 🙄

I don't allow mine to do this. Sometimes if she's been out with a friend and their parents, she'll ask to watch something on my phone and complain at the answer because 'so and so is allowed to'. Those parents often complain how their children won't sit nicely through a meal, so it's a chicken and egg situation, I think.

People parent how they see fit. All you can do is set your own rules for your family.

I saw a girl yesterday who couldn't have been older than 7/8 with her own iPhone

Because of the sheer fucking number of kids in devices like this - also, and this is not meant to cause offence in anyway, I think it is often very clear when a child is autistic or has the kind of needs that mean a meal is a struggle for them and their parents to get through.
but mostly the number of kids on devices - that would put about 50% + of the kids in the U.K. unable to sit at a table for any amount of time.

Who cares? I think expecting toddlers to do 'adult' things is difficult. Sitting at the table for 2 hours is not easy for them. I'd rather a toddler at the next table was watching an iPad without sound than running around screaming.

Parenting is hard enough without the judgement of randoms

People always say they're banning their kids from doing this, my mum banned it at Christmas from the dinner table and then she was the first one pulling her iPad out to show her holiday pics. And she didn't take it well when I pointed out the irony because "it's different" apparently.

I think there’s a difference between getting the screen at the start of a meal and no other interaction vs getting it towards the end so mum and dad can have just a few minutes to chat.

But I think from 4 onwards (assuming no neurodiversity), when they have a bit more regulation it should be rare to allow this to happen. But of course, talking to your children and connecting with them can be a challenge for some parents and iPad is easier.

Personally, I think it's been a slippery slope since activity packs were introduced in restaurants. When I was a child we were expected to behave appropriately, but also I think normal child noise etc was tolerated better.

Now we provide children with constant entertainment, be that sticker books, puzzles, colouring in, toys... I include myself here! I was never without a bag of stuff to keep my children entertained and quiet.

iPads etc are just the natural progression really. There are educational games on there too (constant cartoons not so much!)

Watching something while you wait for your food - I'm ok with this, and going out to eat has a lot of benefits for our SEN child - interaction with new people, trying new foods, going to new places which might be busy. No, his manners aren't perfect, but he's trying. And he's not being taken to the House of Lords like my friend's DS! Only the local Brewers Fayre or Pizza Express.

Not while eating. We have a no phones at dinner time rule anyway at home.

I don't know. Maybe you could check all the other (hundreds ) of threads on the topic? Half of them started by someone "just back from holiday".

I don’t think young children ever sat at a restaurant table for long and chatted. When we were young we didn’t eat out much and when we did the place usually had a large outside space where we could run around in between courses.

People moan about children moving from their table in restaurants, moan about them talking too loud, moan about them being too high pitched but also moan about them sitting on an iPad.
I don’t even have iPads for my kids and I feel like people can’t win!

Screen addiction is very real and detrimental in formative years.

This is lazy parenting at its finest, this is parents who cannot engage with their children, this is parents so obsessed with their own screens they’d rather ignore their own children sat at the table, they’re probably sat vaping too. Grim.

It’s beyond depressing but there will be plenty who defend this poor behaviour -often guilty of it themselves. Today’s social norms are bizarre.

The parents do it ro amuse themselves by watching the judgemental sat their looking like they have sucked a lemon

I think it's fine in moderation. Went on holiday recently (I'm a single parent with a young child) and we did a mix of chatting, reading, drawing, word/number games, colouring books and watching videos on my phone during meals. After spending a huge amount of money, energy and time giving DC a fantastic holiday full of fun activities and 24/7 parent interaction I'm not going to feel guilty about the odd half hour of YouTube Kids so I was actually able to enjoy a full plate of dinner and a glass of wine

The suggestion that you're only a decent parent if your children are sat engaging with their parents and other diners, happy to chat away and don't need any other kind of outside distraction, boils my piss if I'm honest.
You don't know what's going on in their lives. You don't know if one of the kids has just had a giant tantrum or upset and watching a bit of their favourite channel is going to cheer them up. You don't know if they're all exhausted and need five minutes to chill. You don't know if one or more of the kids has ASD. And you certainly know what's going on in their lives. Lazy parenting. You haven't got a fucking clue!

Anyone who says this has obviously never had to take their child into hospital. When sitting in such a boring environment for children particularly, with the mind crushing hours upon hours stuck inside a room or a ward, no amount of card games or stickers for a 1 year old is going to cut it.

Yours,
A decent parent

I totally accept that ND children may need screens at the table, I’ve seen why myself with friends’ ND children. I also totally see why people might use them for kids during a long multi course meal with lots of grown up conversation - fair enough. But I was really quite shocked on holidays in the last couple of years to see all inclusive resorts at buffet breakfast time with about 90% of kids on iPads - at breakfast? It just seemed bizarre. Mostly this wasn’t British families, as it happened, more often from USA/South America. kids from about 6 months up.

we’ve actually managed a no screens at the table rule with our kids - my DH was the one who insisted, I would probably have given in at about age 4! But I’m aware this only works with NT kids and not expecting them to sit for too long when they are little (lots of little walks round with a parent etc). They are teens now and just accept it as a rule (though we eat more meals on the sofa in front of the tv now 😬)