Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

We do small pile from Santa and everything else from us. My Mum and Dad told me from a toddler that parents send Santa the money.

At 8 most kids about 80% know it's their parents and not Santa. I suspect they are testing a theory to see what happens if they ask for something expensive.
They won't necessarily tell you when they stop believing. It may just become obvious at some point that they know - this might be the time!
My DS (now 18) admitted that he knew about age 5 but continued to pretend for the sake of his younger siblings.

Where does that statistic come from?
At 5? Oh that's is sad. I don't think you're really aware for the first 3, not enough to remember them, so he has just had 1 or 2 maybe believing.
My 7 year old still believes, hoping we will be able to keep this going for at least two more for him. I am very careful, and they don't see our wrapping paper, don't see the gifts and story adds up as much as it can to answer questions. We will talk about santa in ear shot when they think it is a grown up conversation that they aren't supposed to hear, this also helps.

Yep stockings and small stuff from Santa. Main gift from us plus some little fun things

Stockings always came from Father Christmas with money being sent to the North Pole and the main presents from mum & dad, stockings have always been little bits and bobs. I’ve always been very mindful that people have different budgets and some only get little things.

I have never really been into the whole only good children get presents may have mentioned it when they were small

Mine are teens/tweens now so they don’t believe anymore - but somehow the magic is still here (mainly cause I work my arse off to make it magical)

I'm another who went with a few small gifts from Santa, big gifts from parents. I used to say that parents had to buy any extra presents and send them to Santa to deliver when they were getting curious about where the presents could be hidden in the house. Again, like others, this was not only so they understood parents had bought the big gifts, but it also meant they knew not everyone could get expensive gifts at Christmas.

I can't believe how kids still believe the myth after they've started school !
There's always an older kid that knows the truth and tells everyone.

Does it really matter though? There’s still a sense of magic in your normally sensible parents playing along pretending that a man in a red suit and fur brings gifts down the chimney and putting them under a tree that’s been brought inside the house snd covered with lights. I mean do we really do this?? It’s bonkers. Children are still children whatever they’ve been told.

ETA I always loved it when headmasters played along. Even as an adult, it was fun to see a normally sensible slightly uptight guy buying in to it.

They will find out before long in school . I would keep the magic alive for as long as you can .
When they are older they will obviously know it was always you getting the gifts and doing everything. But atleast they can look back and have happy memories which involved all the magic surrounding father Christmas.
As far as the gift goes then just use the narrative that they can do a list but no child gets everything they want .
Come Christmas day they will probably be happy with whatever they get .

We do everything is from Santa and once they are old enough to get skeptical we tell the truth. It's what happened as a child for me. I just did the same. My eldest told me at 9.5 years old that her friends said Santa's not real so I just confessed. She pretends to believe for her younger siblings. The stocking thing is interesting but we only put sweets in that really 💫

Almost as strange as the parents who insisted he existed and that his existence meant they didn’t have to bother buying anything for their children themselves.

Not always. There was a kid in my eldest sons class whose mum said he found out about Santa at age 6 and she told him not to tell anyone at school and bless him, he never did.

The kids in the family have all loved playing along for the younger ones, once they reached their teens, it's like being part of a special secret.

My nieces and nephews loved helping me make the Christmas eve boxes from the "Christmas fairies" for mine (as I did for them) and now mine love making them for my older nieces and nephews kids and helping them find them and being all enthusiastic about it. I think it helps keep things magical for them too.

At age 8 could this be one of the "testing questions"

I was always under the impression as a kid that my mum and dad bought the presents and Father Christmas just delivered them. That worked OK in my kid brain somehow, although somewhere in there was the logic fail of why and how had they given him the presents that he now had to travel miles to deliver to me. I just never really took that out and examined it. 😄

We always told our kids that we sent the money to FC and he brought whatever it covered...
Seemed to work!

Exactly, and op can just say that the money is sent to Santa and that he delivers the gifts, one tiny one from him possibly.

People make it so black and white. It doesn't have to be a if santa brings them he buys them scenario, or not doing it at all. I don't know many people who do it that way either in RL. I don't care at all about "credit", they would find out in not too long it was their parents anyway, and it looks nicer they haven't spoilt the magic, because they wanted pats on the backs. Dh's parents were this way, and it drove him nuts. Surely it is about seeing your kids faces? This is more than enough.

However, imo we need our dcs to be told that the money is sent to the North pole to enable them to understand that people have different budgets. They won't get every single thing that they want, some children don't get much, etc. Donating to charity before Christmas is also a great way to emphasise this. For this reason they need to be told where the money comes from, while still keeping the magical Santa element at the same time.

Aka letting them have a sense of wonder and magic about something while they're little enough to believe it.

Some joyless people on this thread.

Have to say though, my youngest was quite outraged when he found out the truth.

"So who used to ring me saying they were Santa?" - that was Grandad.
"So the elf, who did all those things like eating my sweeties and covering my room in tinsel" - that was me.
"Who ate the cookies and milk and carrot?" That was me too
"So you actually chomped a carrot to look like rudolf" erm yes
😂😂

Edited to add something I've just been reminded of 😂
Before I actually told him the truth he had been questioning and I tried to deflect the question at first. The next morning I'd heard rustling downstairs then when I went downstairs to the sweetie tub and saw the elf in the bowl with sweets missing. When I was confused about what happened, he said "that naughty elf must have eaten them"
I had nothing I could say to that 😂

Plenty of adults haven’t worked out what’s what; it’s just the things they choose to believe in aren’t Father Christmas.

It’s human nature to wish.

This reminds me of when dm told me Santa gets sick of sherry and mince pies, so she was leaving a baileys and a piece of christmas cake out instead. 😂

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

I’ve always said that Father Christmas brings the presents but I have to contribute money for them, so he won’t be bringing [insert expensive present]. My parents said that to me when I started asking for expensive or strange things: that parents have to contribute and that FC is guided by what parents think suitable. It was explained by the fact that there were so many children in the world and so FC needed help with costs so that he had enough spare to give presents to children with nothing.

😂😂😂 I love that!

In our house (also same as when I was a kid), the main presents under the tree were from us. Santa brought the stocking gifts.

Mine are now 13 & 15 and we still play ‘Father Christmas’. As do DH and I with our stockings and indeed my in laws, who we spend Christmas with and are in their 80’s! Nobody actually (obviously) believes he’s real, but we still enjoy the tradition of a mince pie/sherry/carrot left out and we all try and sneak around putting presents/stockings out without being seen.

All presents for DC are from ‘Father Christmas’ but they know full well DH and I buy them and if I need to check a specification or something, I tell them ‘Father Christmas sent me an e mail asking me to check if this is the right thing’ etc. If they ask for something too expensive (which is rare), it’s ’Father Christmas said that’s too expensive’ or Father Christmas said if you have that, there’s nothing else. I’ve never actually sat them down and told them it’s not real, but they’re not idiots, they know full well what’s going on and are always very grateful for what they get. I don’t need any ‘credit’ seeing them happy on Christmas morning is all the credit I need.

When i was wee santa brought everything - i never questioned why my mum & didn’t. When my daughter was born i did the same. I have 3 kids now & no family to buy for them so i do buy a lot (never more than we can afford) we do new pjs etc on christmas eve, panto, christmas market, trips etc in december & they knew we paid for that and birthdays but christmas was always santa. I have never felt the need to take “credit” seeing my kids faces light up & that innocent belief in magic was enough. My oldest is 14 so she obviously knows it is us & appreciates it and knows she has a budget and can chose and get some bits early if we are out but a few small ones to open on the day. My other 2 are younger but i think i’m on my last couple of years magic with them which makes me sad as i love it al! We do the elves too.

my son this year wants a lego set which is £150’and has asked if it is too expensive and asked me if he can put it on his list. I said more expensive things in the shop take the elves longer to make so if he asked for it and really wanted it how would he feel if he got just that and his sister got more (she’s asked for 2 things so far totalling £50) and he said he would love it. He’s 9 and clearly understands a bit about money. They have friends who santa brings one thing and all from family or mum
& dad or they send money to santa so they get x amount spent but mine have never questioned it all - just happy santa comes to them and with what they get and again as they get older they understand more about poorer people, how lucky they are and we do more charity based stuff as well