Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

Learning about jobs and believing in Father Christmas are two totally different topics.

Our children are growing up in an age where inescapable discussion of ecological imbalance - even fear for the continued existence of the world they live in - is a daily pressure. That’s a stress other generations did not face. Let them have a little magic and escapism as part of a healthy childhood.

We say that all the presents from us are from Father Christmas. So the stocking and either one big main under the tree or a 2-3 smaller ones. I don't care about credit, she always writes a thank you to Father Christmas and I'd just rather she enjoys the magic. We do tell her FC doesn't just go by the list, he looks at the ideas and chooses what he knows you'll want most in your heart.

We don't go too ott though, generally our total spend is £100-200 depending on what the main is. This year the main she wants is pretty small. We do do a reverse advent calendar and a shoebox so that she understands how lucky she is and that not everyone has what she does.

On a basic level at that age is fine, but for christ sake, let kids be kids for as long as they can be. They don't need to be thinking in depth about careers, income and intricate details of world politics at 10 years old.

Yes, it was soooo good in many ways!

I was a single parent so it really worked!

Kids believed that Santa must have bought the present, as they knew they hadn't.
AND
I got to treat myself! ( when nobody else did).

What could be better than guilt free, all for the cause of the kids believing in Santa, expensive, ME gifts…😆

It probably makes little difference what you do once they're mixing with other kids as bright children will realise the huge holes in the story given there are so many differences between different families' stories and also how much is spent.

FC is just the delivery driver in this house. Means he never gets the credit for expensive gifts and explains the disparity between gifts their friends get. I've always told them that we get the bill from him in January, which is true as that's when we pay the credit card.

Exactly, let's the kids have fun. I think I mentioned earlier as well that believing in Santa doesn't mean your kids would ask poor kids to ask santa for food/water. That is hyperbole. Parents money being sent to santa based on "their" budget, and santa delivering the gifts doesn't cause that issue whatsoever, some strange comments on this thread. I have never heard of a 5 year old in RL finding out Santa isn't real unless the parents have wished for this or not tried to maintain it, or theyvw fpund out from an older sibling sadly etc (I'm sure there are exceptions). The other stuff is of course magical, but not as magical as the believing in Santa years imo!
Some comments on this thread make me think of the movie 'A miracle on 34th Street!' 🤔

When my oldest 3 were young everything was from Santa, except presents from relatives. Then, the first Christmas after me & their dad split up, my oldest, who was 8, said "how come we get presents from everyone but you, even dad gets us Christmas presents."
I told her I help Santa by sending him some presents.
After that though, I always made some of the presents be from me.
I had another DD when my oldest were in their twenties & I've always made the main presents from me, & smaller stuff from Santa.

This! My children are 4 and 7 and they have always known Santa isn't literally real. It doesn't ruin the fun and joy of Christmas for them. Why go to such lengths to deceive a child?

Lots of good suggestions but unfortunately you’ve completely sold the Santa version to DD. He may have to continue to get the credit until she is old enough to cope with the truth!

This!!!!

Not joyless; autistic. Also confused.

During these formative years, you’re talking about naughty & nice, good & bad. Teaching about honesty & trust. And lying to them.

How is that a good example to set for your children?

A sense of wonder & magic? Ever heard of aurora borealis or watched David Attenborough?

Both of mine believed Father Christmas gave them all of the presents from us, family gave them 'extra presents'.
Personally I don't understand the need for credit from small children, their happy little faces were enough for me!
They are in their teens now and love talking about the great Christmases we've had so that's enough for me.

We do this too

Though the Elves make some gifts but Mummy & Daddy pay Santa for those gifts and Santa delivers them to our house

We are talking about 10 year olds still believing. If you are sending your NT child off to high school still believing, there's nothing magical about that.

Well said. The Christmases when I believed in Santa as a child were the best! Now seeing my dcs faces light up, and knowing their excitement ia incredible. Life is full of seriousness and stress, let them be kids until they aren't imo. They'll stop believing when they stop, no need tp tell them, that's awful imo, but each to their own. We do tooth fairy, Easter bunny, all of it, and we love it!

We told our kids when they were old enough to say similar things that we gave Santa a budget, he and they elves decided when to get and we paid the bill.

mainly because the noticed that mother children got more/more expensive gifts but also so they could relate it to us paying for their gifts.

in retrospect I wish we had said Santa brought their stocking and one gift. I would have been easier - although wouldn’t stop them asking for a very expensive gift.

The way I look at it is, I'll only get 8 or 9 short years of them believing in santa, so they're time enough knowing it was us all along when they're a bit older and able to appreciate the value of money. My two are 5 and 8, youngest has no knowledge of the value of money whereas the oldest would, but this could be his last year believing so if I can have him believe for an extra year that santa provides all, then I will. Last year was a bit tough because they got a quadbike and I wanted to take the credit for it but I didn't, because in another year or two he'll know it was me that bought it

My mum still does this for us too, and I'm 38!

This is why traditionally stockings are from Father Christmas and presents are from whoever they are from…. My mum still does stockings for everyone who stays we are 50-10 (her children and grandchildren), but the idea that Father Christmas brings all the presents is very very weird and also how do you explain why X gets a PlayStation and Y gets a £5 voucher… it’s awful that children think they deserve more than other children because FC decided they deserved it.. and they do discuss it at school from very young.. I would be coming clean now but going still with the stockings are from FC…

I think this is so dependent on background & culture. I'm irish & growing up santa (or Santy) as we call him brought the presents to the children in the house.

Presents from relatives/ friends etc were labelled & under the tree.

The magic for us in this set up was that santy would bring you things your parents wouldn't have bought for you.

We adored it & I have such incredible memories of my childhood Christmases. And everyone we knew had pretty much the same set up. Also when chatting with friends about what we got we'd generally have 1 or 2 things that we'd be dying to share. And not always the most expensive either. One year I got a brand new bike which was a surprise. I also got a monchichi monkey which I had LONGED for. When ever anyone asked I'd go into raptures about the monchichi & my mother would be 'tell them about your bike!!'

Dh grew up in an English household with a radically different approach to it all. They really didn't embrace the whole santy thing at all.

When we had dc he was v happy to adopt my traditions & we loved selecting the toys for dc & soaked up all the excitement.

Neither of us ever felt we were being deprived of credit at all (that concept seems alien to me) & now our dc are young adults.

In our house, Father Christmas brings a smaller gift. We've told our children that every household has their own agreement with FC, so in some homes he brings the main/expensive gifts, others a small token etc. We've said that some homes forget to make an agreement and perhaps that's why some children sadly get nothing (& why we donate toys to a local charity, so they can step in to help).
They know that the majority of presents come from us and they understand that Christmas is expensive!

We always had it that one present for each child was wrapped in different paper (but each of these presents the same paper as each other) and these were from Santa. There were ALWAYS something from their list, but always something inexpensive. All other gifts were from us.

This served a few purposes:

1. It meant they weren’t going to school and saying Santa brought me a tv/games console/dream house/tablet or whatever their “main” gift was - so children from households that couldn’t afford those things didn’t feel like shit that Santa didn’t bring them those things.

2. If our financial circumstances changed, the Santa element wouldn’t - it would just be the presents from us that reduced.

3. Yes. It feels nice to get the thank you to you and they know it was from their parents not some mythical fat guy in a suit!

The kids all know the truth now (youngest is in year 8) so that magic has gone a bit - but we still do the one gift from Santa, and the kids play along!

Just thought you might find my comment amusing OP. We had Santa stockings and family presents. You can be TOO good at being Mrs Santa. My son has SEN and he was 19 (not a typo) before he asked me if I was Mrs Santa... So I had 19 years of finding cheap bits and bobs to fill the stockings, hoping evey year it would be the last. His final Christmas stocking included a mini Lynx body spray, underpants and a new razor!! 😂