Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

I'd say that once children are old enough to think and understand about whether a gift is affordable or whether their friends got more/less expensive gifts than them they are old enough to have worked out that father Christmas is not literally real. And once they do work it out they will back fill the information to previous Christmases and realise who gave them their gifts. Just go with the flow and it will all sort itself out when the time is right for your child.

Yep, Father Christmas brings small stuff in Xmas stocking- the sort of stuff kids ask for in Santa letters. Even when little if they asked for big stuff in Santa letters we’d explain that’s not what Santa brings …family bring the big presents

BUT, It may be too late to change this now. Depending on age of child it may be easier to just make the break with Father Christmas now anyway. If she’s too little to have that explanation, then yep, switch now to the Santa brings the small stuff and homemade stuff the elves make. Elves don’t make toys you see on media or in shops or friends homes etc.

I told my children that Santa is a pensioner and can’t afford that, and sends the bill in January for expensive things to us parents . Also Santa and his elves can’t make certain things (insert toy name) as they have copyright issues and will be told off. Xbox ps5 things like that, Santa has to wait for them to come in stock same as everyone else, and pay the same as everyone. So we need to stay in our allotted budget.

Basically they knew I paid but Santa sourced and delivered along with presents under tree from me.

We've always said that Father Christmas just brings stockings, no electronics, no pets, nothing majorly expensive.

They still write a list of around 6 things and find Christmas magical.

They also go Christmas shopping to buy gifts for people themselves so it would be weird expecting them to shop for others and yet not getting gifts in return. In fact that's one of their most magical aspects. My mum takes them shopping for us and they absolutely love it (they are 9 and 6).

We have always done it where Santa brings some gifts and we also give them gifts. They know if they write a list that Santa doesn’t bring everything on it.

my 12 yo ds questioned everything about Santa from about age 5. However my 9 year old dd still firmly believes and if I’ll probably have to have a little chat with her about it in a couple of years before high school at this rate!

you could have 2 or 3 more years of believing after this (if your dd is like mine) so I would definitely tweak what you’re saying to her that Santa doesn’t bring every single gift. Maybe say that although the elves make the gifts, they still have to buy the materials and that’s not cheap.

can you get the gift second hand? I think it’s quite nice your dd has tried to think of a way around you not being able to afford it

Santa brought the "stocking" with gifts to our house. Everything else was known from the giver. How would kids learn to thank people for gifts if they think Santa brings the lot

I've always said that Santa is just the delivery man and I've paid the elves

So many scrooges.

Firstly, people saying no 8 year old can believe- I think that’s really sad. 8 is still very young and at 8 a child should still have a vivid imagination and innocence.

Secondly, I think people that say you don’t need to do Santa to experience the magic, never experienced the magic of Santa themselves properly as children. Of course it’s still magical without, but so much more magical with.

As a child, Santa bought main presents and some from parents and other family. I remember the excitement of laying in bed wondering if he was flying over. Getting up to see if he’d been…I remember it all so well. I done the same with my kids.

My youngest is 11 and I think this is the first year he doesn’t believe, it’s the first year we are not doing a Santa visit. But we haven’t spoke about it and probably never will, my eldest is 19 and we’ve never spoke about it. I still do Santa for her and she goes along with it. They both asked questions at one point or another when they were a bit younger and I always brushed them off.

I also think it’s really sad to say you send Santa money, it seems lots do this but sorry I think that just takes some of the magic away.

Hear hear!

@MrsChristmas1 I think you're backtracking a bit!

I think for me the problem is actually the reverse: Santa NOT getting the credit.

The reason I say this is the story has been built up as one of reward with very vague criteria: the “if you a good girl” theme. So what does she feel if her friend gets brought the expensive gift by an admiring Santa, and dd gets a pile of tat from the big man himself and mum and dad have to cough up for it. I’d rather just let her think it was Santa.

@SparkyBlue I'm the same. My parents the same with me also!
Also sometimes I buy the presents and send them off for Santa to deliver Christmas Eve.

My child knows who her presents are from and she says thank you as I did!
It's not about credit! It's about basic manner!

OP I think at aged 8 your child does know that it's from you and not FC - it may be their way of talking about things they know you can't afford and a "get out" for you. Sometimes DC are more aware than we give credit for.

I don't really understand why you want credit. My daughter is 8 and I want her to believe in the magic of Christmas for as long as possible. We never had any money growing up and I loved Christmas. I never questioned the toys. My mum just told me Santa would get me some things on my list but not everything.

I think better that than trying to explain to a 5 year old why some people only get a colouring book and pens while others get games consoles from Santa...

I’ve always found that by the time they go back to school in January Xmas is a distant memory and they don’t even discuss what they got. 5 year olds don’t think like that.

Elves make toys in the workshop. Parents and family buy the gifts and Santa and his reindeer deliver them.

I sorely wished we'd done stockings from Father Christmas and present from people.

I agree, I thought this would be a problem with my dc but it never was.
in response to @Nursingadvice 's post

We started with Santa brought everything including stockings.

We changed this as they got older. They didn't question the change over, they were too excited about the gift to worry about where it came from.

It was a nice transition to Santa phasing out and presents being from me.
They are adults now and Santa still brings us all stockings and we tongue in cheek all live by the ‘dont believe, don't receive mantra!’

The first present from me was a trip to my friends ski apartment, so no way would they believe Santa sorted that one. Santa did bring them ski goggles, gloves etc. as part of the surprise on Christmas Day.

My youngest was about 8 that year. They continued to believe in Santa for at least another three years after that, staved off by Santa bringing me a gift too. “If there is no Santa, who brought me this...(set of expensive GHD’s😆).

It's impossible to be consistent with children about FC as every family will approach the story differently - there will always be contradictions and by 8 years old children probably half-know or suspect so it's a bit pointless trying to completely rationalise it.
Our parents only ever got us clothes or practical things, same with my own kids. If they wanted something very big or expensive we waited until their birthdays, although occasionally FC brought it.
I wouldn't get too hung up on it OP, just decide to do it whatever way suits you.

When I was growing up I loved the idea that santa brought all of the presents. It just felt so much more magical. There would be just one special one from santa himself (if I had been "extra good)." I never asked any questions and always thanked my parents as well. We didn't do stockings, I always saw those on Amercan TV and wanted one!

My dcs are inquisitive and alot less gullible than I was 😂. I tell them that Mummy & Daddy send money to santa and the gifts are made, wrapped at the north Pole and delivered on Christmas eve. This way they understand why some children get more than others, if their parents cannot afford it, and that it isn't a measure on behaviour. They then know it is important to donate old toys to charity before Christmas so that it can help.

I do stockings too 🎊, and these are filled by Santa as well, and one little gift from the man himself with fancy tag, stamps etc. They have years to know santa doesn't exist, so I will keep it this way for as long as possible! It is the best of both worlds.

We tell them Santa doesn't bring presents for grown ups, so they will help us pick out gifts for others, learning to give etc. Adult gifts go under the tree. One years we had santa deliver chocolate for Daddy because he had been extra good, which made them have a good giggle "because Santa doesn't bring presents for adults!"

Love the idea of the “ who bought me this?!” gift. 😂

And it’s exactly what I wanted !! Yippeee!

I might be a Grinch but I don't think you should replace a lie with another lie. Belief in santa is adorable when they're young. But at 8yo you can slowly make them question it. Leaving presents out, have them come and help you pick a present for grandma etc. I wouldn't flat out say "santa is not real". But I do think that either you keep it up like before or you slowly fade. I'm not a fan of changing the story at this point.

In my family santa brought all the presents. I think I figured it out around 7. My brother had to be told at 11 that there is no santa. But he had this narrative in his head how mom buys the gifts and santa brings them.