Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

In our house Father Christmas puts little presents in stockings.

The presents under the tree are from mum and dad.

I did cheap stocking fillers from santa and bigger gifts from us.

Exactly this. Children are expected to grow up far too soon in today's world. They have enough with school being far more advanced, exams and homework too early, and everything else. Jesus let them have some fun!

Dont be selfish and suck it up. Let Santa take the credit while they are young enough to still believe in the magic of Christmas.

I would suck it up now you are this far in. Realisticly they won’t truly believe for too much longer given they are 8. When they look back in the future they will know you gave the gifts they have good memories of.

If you can afford it let FC take the credit, I really don't get the angst. Time to learn about the cost of things when they stop believing.

"So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life"

but surely even if she doesn't realise it this Christmas, she will within the next year or two anyway? Surely you realised when you started saying the whole 'father christmas brings all the presents,' that at some point she was going to work out 'you've lied to her her whole life,'' if you put it in those terms, so not really sure why it's suddenly such an issue to you.

I thought 8/9 was round about the age most kids worked it out tbh.

We say that stocking presents are from Father Christmas and everything else is from us, because we don't like the idea of children comparing their "Santa gifts" and poorer children thinking they haven't been good enough. To be honest, we're not super invested in Santa anyway and present it more as a fun game rather than solid fact.

You could either tell 8yo that Santa's elves can only make toys and the item she's chosen isn't a toy, so it would have to come from you, or that parents have to send the money to Santa to get the toys.

@Demonhunter my youngest worked it out in year 1 along with his friend. They discussed it and decided it wasn't logical and couldn't be real. They didn't tell the others though (as far as I know at least). The teacher heard them talking and asked them not to. DS is not in the least distressed by it and still puts out a stocking each year for the fun of it.

What a cool teacher 😎!

Why is 5 sad? As said 'the magic' should be decorating, meeting family and Christmas days out/party/panto. School does charity collections, including local food banks, children become aware of the world. How do you answer children when they ask "why don't they just ask Santa for food/water etc?" Not all children will start to wonder until 7/8, but a ND child who still believes at 10, is very behind in understanding the world/the world of work etc.

I didn't care about Father Christmas "taking the credit". They all worked it out eventually and realised who had put the effort in.

FC takes up a very small amount of time in a lifetime.

Aw that's nice and what clever boys!

The kid in my sons class who knew young, when kids were talking about Santa you'd see him looking at his mum and give a little knowing smile. It was quite sweet.

The world of work!!!???

Why would a 10-year-old need to have any notion of the world of work? Strange comment.

Knock all this brainwashing on the head.
Hopefully more and more people will start to think for themselves instead of being brainwashed?

When I was a child I was told family bought the presents and sent it off to Father Christmas to deliver to us. When I have DC it will be family buy presents and Father Christmas delivers one special one, I think that makes more sense

When I was growing up Santa brought absolutely everything and I never noticed or questioned the lack of gifts from all family members.

As an adult I realised my parents had been passing everything off as being from Santa but tbh I'm not sure if the rest of the family were in on it! I hope so, or I no doubt looked a bit ungrateful never saying thanks for my gifts.

That’s kind of what we do. FC always brings something exciting ( and ideally a surprise they hadn’t thought of for their list) so they don’t wonder if they were on the “coal/ naughty list!” And a stocking with fun treats that aren’t too costly. But we’ve always put some from us as well to allow for a slow transition to none from FC. We also make sure they are involved in choosing and giving so when they stop believing it’s not like coming to the edge of a cliff of fun: there’s still lots of the gifting traditions that just go on as before.

If you can afford the expensive gift then I don't see what the problem is, just keep it the way it is for the next year or two, she's not going to believe soon enough and then she'll know exactly who was buying all the presents, don't spoil the magic for her until then

Do you not have children in primary school? My GC in 2023, aged 8/9 covered occupations, with parents going in to talk about their jobs and they explored the world of work and income. Otherwise children don't always understand the point of school. I would have thought that it was on the national curriculum. So your children's primary school don't cover it? Even the books they read in primary school does. The words and pictures books you buy toddlers. Do your children not ask why both parents can't attend every event and then ask about why you work?

In our house FC bought something small. Toothbrush bath bombs etc. because you can't fit much on a sleigh. Everything else from parents, friends, family

We do stockings from Father Christmas. All presents under the tree from family.

Thays what my parents did so that they got the thanks for the bike etc. we copy it!!

Haha, DS was one of those ND kids. He's now working as a Software Engineer so really didn't cause him any issues in 'the world of work'. I'd have been gutted if he didn't believe at 5. There's nothing magical in decorating or seeing family - those are real things, not magical.

I adored the magic of FC and Christmas, why would children think other children would ask for water or food for Christmas? Those are things for adults to think about and source when you're a child, children don't think like you as an adult do.

OP you can always say that the elves can't be expected to work for free and so you pay towards the gifts.

Only the stockings are from Father Christmas in our house. So nothing high value.
Everything else is from actual people (although he still delivers them all).

I did this from the off as it just makes sense to keep the gifts from Father Christmas relatively low key.

This is what my mum did too. Makes sense (as much as Father Christmas can make sense anyway).