To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

[BeGladHedgehog]

DH and I live 200 miles away from my parents. Have done for years. Parents now 83 years old. DM no longer drives due to health issues but DF continues to. DH and I are unable to travel anywhere this Christmas (long story). I have invited my parents to ours for Christmas but I have asked them to please take the train rather than drive. DF insists that he will drive and refuses to take the train. DF is insisting that he will drive himself and DM down on Christmas Eve, spend Christmas Day with us and drive back on Boxing Day. I think this is unnecessarily risky at age 83, particularly when the roads are busy and they will no doubt be tired. I’ve expressed my concern and said that I’m very sorry but I can’t let them do that and I can only agree to the arrangement if they agree to take a train. My parents think I’m being ridiculous. For context my sibling regularly invites DM and DF to their house which is c.60 miles away. They travel there and back (ie 120 miles) in one day, on a motorway, often driving back at night). My sister thinks is fine. I would never ask them to do this as I think it’s too risky.

Am I being unreasonable?

This

Sorry OP, it's ok to be concerned and to voice this but I think you are being not only unreasonable but also disrespectful and patronising.

DF can decide how to live his own life.

I think this could be a brilliant compromise especially if in a scenic spot/town etc.

@BIossomtoes whilst I will defend this guys right to the hilt- it isn't strictly true I feel about young people and accidents- my police force relative is insistent that young people 'have' accidents. But more older drivers ( and I mean over 80s) cause accidents through driving beyond when they really are safe to do so

I think the stats speak for themselves. The group with the highest accident rate is young male drivers, that’s reflected in their insurance premiums.

But that's utterly irrelevant to the reality that some older drivers no longer have the reflexes or stamina to drive safely.

My mum has had 6 accidents in years, all with inanimate objects aside from one with a bulldozer (!)
She is mid 70s and unfit to drive. My dad has also had a couple of accidents and we have to constantly find excuses to not drive with them when we visit. It's scary.

So when they turn up are you going to refuse them entrance?

Let them, if they want too and feel comfortable. It's not really up to you anyway.

At the same time though, some do.

OP has mentioned that he’s an aggressive driver but he’s always been like that. I think it would be different if he had a bunch of recent accidents but OP doesn’t mention that so it seems that he hasn’t had any.

I, on the other hand, am 71 and have never had an accident in several decades of driving. I know my reflexes aren’t as sharp as they once were and drive accordingly. My girl racer days are behind me!

Isn't it 200 miles - more like 3½ hours so less than half a day

Personally I think that Christmas Eve may be pretty quiet this year with it being a Tuesday - many are likely to head off at the weekend. Perhaps you could persuade them to come on Monday.

I regularly do a 230 mile journey, mostly on motorways. I rarely do it in less than 4 1/2 hours, or 5 hours if I have a coffee break. In fact I celebrate when I reach the end point if I do.

Your 3 1/2 hours is assuming doing 70mph most of the way on an empty road with no reduced speed limits for roadworks. On Christmas Eve?!

The last time that I did that journey, it took 8 hours, and that was a regular Sunday.

As would have said my parents aged 71... things change fast as does self-awareness.
I'm glad you're doing well and most likely you will be driving for years to come.
I do think driving tests should be retaken every 2 years or so from 75. Nobody is good at evaluating their own driving.

As would have said my parents aged 71

Would they? I doubt it if someone is continuing to drive in the wake of six accidents, one of them involving a bulldozer!

They don't want to stay an extra day - her dad wants to get back for the football.

Does your DF want to watch the Football in person or on the TV? Could you arrange for him to watch it in TV at your house?

They are now mid 70s so accidents are recent. My mum is adamant the accidents are not her fault and she's fine to drive. Those pesky bollards are so careless...

Is it not a well known fact people become more stubborn with age?

But the point is that she can't invite them for Christmas and then dictate how they travel there

Is it not a well known fact people become more stubborn with age?

Some do, some don’t. My mum didn’t, my dad did.

I think it must be really, really hard to admit you're no longer capable of driving.

For many people, driving = independence and to give that up means a) admitting they're not as capable and fit as they once were and b) knowing they're going to lose their freedom.

I remember when my granddad stopped driving in his early eighties due to his eyesight - my grandma never drove and his entire world shrunk overnight. He hated it.

You kinda do, that's what boundary charges are for.
A driver might agree a fixed price for going a distance rather than it being on the meter, but part of that fixed price will include the time it takes him to get back.