To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

[BeGladHedgehog]

DH and I live 200 miles away from my parents. Have done for years. Parents now 83 years old. DM no longer drives due to health issues but DF continues to. DH and I are unable to travel anywhere this Christmas (long story). I have invited my parents to ours for Christmas but I have asked them to please take the train rather than drive. DF insists that he will drive and refuses to take the train. DF is insisting that he will drive himself and DM down on Christmas Eve, spend Christmas Day with us and drive back on Boxing Day. I think this is unnecessarily risky at age 83, particularly when the roads are busy and they will no doubt be tired. I’ve expressed my concern and said that I’m very sorry but I can’t let them do that and I can only agree to the arrangement if they agree to take a train. My parents think I’m being ridiculous. For context my sibling regularly invites DM and DF to their house which is c.60 miles away. They travel there and back (ie 120 miles) in one day, on a motorway, often driving back at night). My sister thinks is fine. I would never ask them to do this as I think it’s too risky.

Am I being unreasonable?

Why does he need to when he can and wants to drive?

Why can't he watch the football at yours?

Because it’s happening somewhere else.

He doesn't want to - he wants to be back on Boxing Day to watch a local football match.

How are they going to manage a hamper on top of their luggage? If the train is rammed on Xmas eve, they'll move people into first class. No trains on boxing day.

Why, what do you know of their driving abilities

My dad drives at 87 and I would be worried about them on public transport to be honest with louts and anti social behaviour.

Revolving round his own needs? To drive his own car to and from a place he wants to go?

Yes, and what of it?

I went out today in the car, it revolved around my own needs. So what?

But then of course Im a young slip of a thing so its ok, I can make those choices apparently.

Yep, how dare he have his own preferences for what he wants to do on Boxing Day? Everyone knows that grandparents' Christmases have to revolve around their offsprings' preferences for their own little family.

Every case is so individual, it really does depend on his health, how active he is and whether he’s a decent driver or not. My dad is 85, admittedly was in the police force so has done all the driving courses and advanced driving and skidpan courses. He does drive more slowly now and very carefully, but I would still trust him implicitly to drive 200 miles with no issues.

I do understand it's a worry for you. But put yourself in his shoes are you gonna let your kids tell you what to do in 30-40 years time they may be more comfortable in the car able to stop and take breaks. I'd be well peed off if my kids tell me I can't drive I'll know when I'm ready to stop driving, no one's else. Every day everyone takes risk it's part of life scary but we wouldn't live. It's like my mum she chooses to smoke her head off she's a grown woman that's her choice her life it's not up to me to stop her doing what she wants with her life even if it's bad for her she's not in the best health but it's hers to choose. My opinion however is it's not up to anyone else good intentions or not to tell and even force other people what they do, because you said they are not welcome if they drive. That is 100% controlling I know the intent is good but you shouldn't do that it's wrong.