Page 9 | To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

Yope · 2024-10-26T21:14:27+00:00

I'm really against it. He's 13, school year 8. Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram. He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age. The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with. But he's getting mocked for it by mates. A lot. And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM. I'm not saying never. I'm just saying not yet. AIBU?

shuggles · 27/10/2024 23:49

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2024 23:43

I refer to my post just above about chatting whilst never actually meeting up. I don’t believe it is such a small minority by year 12, which at 16 and 17 are still classed as mid teens.

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Most boys don't date during their teenage years. There are a minority of popular boys who date a range of girls, yes, but the majority of boys are not involved. It carries through into adulthood as well- the data shows that even in their 20s, a large minority of men do not date or have sex at all.

I've never used Snapchat, but isn't it one of those weird apps with people taking pictures of themselves? Your DS's experience of snapchat would probably consist of nothing more than browsing photographs that girls have uploaded. That would not be worth his time at all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2024 02:17

shuggles · 27/10/2024 23:49

Most boys don't date during their teenage years. There are a minority of popular boys who date a range of girls, yes, but the majority of boys are not involved. It carries through into adulthood as well- the data shows that even in their 20s, a large minority of men do not date or have sex at all.

I've never used Snapchat, but isn't it one of those weird apps with people taking pictures of themselves? Your DS's experience of snapchat would probably consist of nothing more than browsing photographs that girls have uploaded. That would not be worth his time at all.

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I have a year 12 dd actually. And she must live in another world as most of her male friends have had relationships of some description even if online… and there are lots and lots of boys after her, popular or not popular. Ditto her friends. And just because dd and her friends are popular, they don’t necessarily want to go out with the most popular boys even when those boys are chasing them. The popular boys seem to want sex and not all girls want that at 16/17. Some do, some don’t.

Yes, the girls send snaps to each other in a way that boys won’t send pictures to other boys. But both sexes snap. Both sexes tend to send a generic snap to one set of kids (boys / girls) for streaks or because they’re mates and individual ones to boys they’re interested in. This seems to be the only way the girls can really communicate with boys as in the current dating world, boys ask girls out, boys ask girls to be exclusive, boys ask girls to be their girlfriend. This is just so 1950s. They also use it as a method of communication such as I’m here at x place, come join me.

Therefore I don’t think boys are wasting their time per se. Out of the 3 boys interested in dd and who dd also finds attractive, she has picked the boy who is the least popular of the 3 because she likes him the most. He is also in the head below at a different school. And that is despite one of those boys apparently being mega lusted after by the girls: a gym bunny, his demeanour oozes confidence and she says he’s a good fun. She doesn’t care one way or another for muscles (neither do her friends, it’s a misconception rather like boys only liking skinny girls) and reading between the lines, I suspect she thinks he’s too experienced and will expect too much too soon. She says the boy she’s picked is lovely to her, the nicest person in her view and that is most important to her.

As for the claim most teen boys don’t date, I am not finding the same stats and idk where you’re getting them from? This suggests boys start a year after girls on average at 12.5 and 13.5 respectively https://www.webmd.com/parenting/when-can-teenager-start-dating… But that can’t be proper dating (albeit I know some children sadly have sex very young). A UK study of 2000 adults claims the first kiss on average at 15 and first relationship at 17 https://www.ind www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/life-events-age-study-marriage-first-home-poll-revealed-a8958996.html I can’t be bothered to trawl for hours, a Chinese study showing the average age for both sexes over there is almost identical at just over 16 https://www.statista.com/statistics/1170248/china-average-age-for-first-relationship-by-gender/.

Anecdotally I also know more than one 16 year old boy not in the popular crowd, who has had at least one gf.

rubeexxcube · 28/10/2024 02:29

Errors · 27/10/2024 14:38

Only on page 4 and already this thread is giving me the rage.
We need to teach young children to spot predators online? Are you fucking serious?? They are extremely open to being manipulated and you cannot watch or check everything they exchange on platforms like SC.

Aside from this, it isn’t just the potential issue of paedophiles. It’s well known that the way these apps run is terrible for developing brains. They zap attention spans and are extremely addictive. The constant dopamine hits are not good plus there is the small matter of what the kids aren’t doing while they are glued to their phones - I.e. not interacting with each other in the real world. There is a reason why the people responsible for creating these apps will not let their own kids use them.

I honestly thought that there was more awareness about this stuff now and I suspect the ones are are vehemently FOR giving this stuff to kids have already done and are burying their heads in the sand about the potential repercussions.

I thought it was well documented and understood now that the massive uptick in MH issues in adolescents directly corresponds with the rise of SM use.

Came here to say this but you’ve very eloquently done it for me.

I’m disgusted by some of these responses.

rubeexxcube · 28/10/2024 02:33

OP stick to your guns. No social media or smartphones for my DCs. Everyone saying they’ll use it eventually - why? I’m a millennial and I’m no longer on social media, why is it the norm? Everyone just follows like sheep, it drives me absolutely mad.

shuggles · 29/10/2024 22:19

@Mummyoflittledragon I have a year 12 dd actually. And she must live in another world as most of her male friends have had relationships of some description even if online…

Yes, that's the boys within her circle of friends, which is a minority of boys. If you were to look at boys across her school as a whole, most of them will be single and will not have had relationships.

An online relationship is not a relationship.

Yes, the girls send snaps to each other in a way that boys won’t send pictures to other boys. But both sexes snap. Both sexes tend to send a generic snap to one set of kids (boys / girls) for streaks or because they’re mates and individual ones to boys they’re interested in.

Seems really strange to me. I think the idea of taking a picture of yourself is very effeminate, which is why I raise an eyebrow when I see teenage boys doing it. It also stinks of insecurity, which is not a good quality for young people to develop. So again, it sounds like an app I would want to discourage.

They also use it as a method of communication such as I’m here at x place, come join me.

Yet, I can inform people of my location without using snap chat, or any photographs at all.

Mishmashs · 29/10/2024 22:22

The delay smart phones movement is huge in our school so def feel like the tide is turning. My son is 10 and I know with six or seven of his friends the parents have said they will hold off getting phones for as long as possible.