To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

[Yope]

I'm really against it.
He's 13, school year 8.
Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram.
He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age.
The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with.
But he's getting mocked for it by mates.
A lot.
And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM.
I'm not saying never.
I'm just saying not yet.
AIBU?

No we are. Really. There’s national wide campaigns now in nurseries and early years across the country for parents to agree not to have these devices going forward in primary and secondary’s for their cohorts.

The only reason currently is so kids aren’t left out. If we remove that issue then there’s no problem.

Kids get addicted to SC. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard pupils saying "But I'll lose my streak!"

FGS stand your ground on this one. TT and SC are horrendous.

If your child was saying “but muuuuuum everyone is getting their tongue pierced/getting a tattoo on their face/shagging behind the bike sheds” would you be questioning giving in to them? Why is a phone app open to the entire internet and all the crap on it somehow better? Safety features on either of those apps are basically non-existent no matter what the advertising might try to say. Just look at the horrible garbage that pops up on here or any given FB thread regularly, even when there are active moderators trying to shut it down.
13 year olds aren’t exactly famed for their good judgement and yes I do recall how much of an idiot I was at that age.

My 13 year old doesn't have TT/SC nor Insta, she asked I said no. Had she argued we would have sat and looked at all the evidence about how its harmful and also attempted to find some evidence that its beneficial and the discussed it. Some of her friends mums allow it, some don't.

Good for you OP.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ng-interactive/2024/oct/26/ai-child-sexual-abuse-images-kaylin-hayman

Why are you trying to pretend that there is a fix to this? There isn’t. All I’ve got from you is your children are grown up so you don’t actually have a clue to be fair.

Dead link?

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ng-interactive/2024/oct/26/ai-child-sexual-abuse-images-kaylin-hayman

@@Sometimeswinning
I do.

I find the being left out of social communications or invites because a teen doesn't have social media or they will get bullied if they don't have snap chat etc or not letting them communicate appropriately for the times they live in excuse from a parent is merely dismissive and problematic parenting.

It is not your job to promote their social life, it is to keep them safe and learn that just because 'all their mates have it' (they don't!!) doesn't mean they should.
I don't believe any high school aged teen today doesn't either know someone at their school/after school activity who hasn't suffered mentally and/or physically or gotten themselves into inappropriate situations due to social media.

The statistics are staggering and todays parents hiding behind the excuses about how their poor kid needs a social life before their safety and mental health this very real problem will not change.

@@Sometimeswinning
Have you heard of Alexander McCartney? Sentenced to 20 years in prison.
Breck Bednar - groomed and murdered at the age of 14?
But you know what, there is probably no point in engaging with you. You seem determined that your way of raising your children is working so the best of luck with it.

A lot of scrolling on social media regardless of the platform definitely has an effect on the developing brain especially in terms of the ability to focus properly.

I'd definitely not allow SC because of the lack of safety features and because it's impossible to monitor.

However, TikTok has actually got some of the best content in terms of learning. If you want to know about learning to code or the latest developments in AI or in-depth content on typography or design, you can get bite sized segments and learn a lot very quickly. The poster who said it's aimed at teenage girls or that it's all shallow just needs to type in 'learning python' to the search field on TikTok or 'futura font pairing'. Really the content on that platform is great and once you're looking at more serious content, the algorithm just serves more interesting content to you. It's quite a good platform to teach how to be intentional about how we consume content on social media and how to make the algorithms work in our favour to make it a positive thing in our lives rather than a negative. Definitely is something which needs to be used in moderation and monitored though at that age.

@StSwithinsDay bloody hell that article is sickening. That poor girl. That can’t be undone.

@TiredCatLady
Yep. That's that young woman's life destroyed before it even began.

I have a mid teen DS and DD. They both have TT and SC. I don’t know when they got them as I don’t monitor their phones.

My DS doesn’t really use SC. He uses WhatsApp to communicate with his friends. He sees SC as a “girls” app. But he scrolls a lot on TT.

My DD doesn’t scroll on TT but she uses it to create funny videos with her friends. 100% of her communication with her friends is via SC. She only uses WhatsApp to message me.

I have no concerns about my kids and their phones. But we are a very open and communicative family. If I had a reclusive, secretive child that stayed in their room all the time then I might feel differently and put controls in place.

What I do like about SM in general is that it opens up my kids awareness to what is going on in the world. It’s where they get their news. They both come to the dinner table every evening talking about what they’ve seen or read. They know to question what they are being fed. They understand the echo chamber algorithms better than me. But I like that due to SM we have conversations around the dinner table re Trump, Gaza, Putin, Andrew Tate etc etc.

Ive heard of many cases of children and adults using social platforms going completely wrong. Age is no barrier.

But being exposed and taught how to navigate it from an earlier age may be the answer.

It’s obviously an emotional subject for you so I won’t make any further comments.

I'll add that my experience is not based on being a mother: it's based on what I've seen with literally hundreds of secondary school pupils over the years. SC is not worth the grief that it can cause.

what is TT?

@MattBerningerstrophywife
TikTok

What a repulsive man.
I heard of this story on the radio recently-
Online anyone can be whoever they pretend to be.

Even on a well known forum recently a pervert posted some very unpleasant images - undoubtedly a sick male.

Do you want children exposed to this?
It’s a creep’s paradise.

I agree with this. My son, 13, uses TT, not so much SC and doesn’t like FB - his words. The way to tackle this is not to ban phones (that ship has somewhat sailed really), but to educate on how to manage social media accounts.

Everyone’s opinions are different because of their own experiences with technology - I totally get that. But banning phones is not the way, restricting apps etc, they will find a way because as far as a teen is concerned it’s contraband which makes it, sadly, appealing.

As adults we can see this because they’re our children! But if we were their age, to be honest, we’d be feeling the same most of the time.

Social Media is in the most part toxic but it’s a part of life and the online world now. I believe education is the way - because no matter what age, sadly, it’s not going anywhere.

Those images will be burned into your child’s brain.

The Internet is a lawless zone.

Would you have allowed your child to have had access to porn videos before the days of mobile phones?
Or porn magazines before that as it “ Helps them navigate?”

Heck, it can damage kids to see certain things- there is no such thing as eye bleach unfortunately, and creeps can pretend to be other than who they really are online.

My older teen never communicates on WhatsApp it’s Snapchat, my 14 year old goes on TT but she looks at things such as booktok and history accounts, the algorithm now feeds her this type of content. I’ve spoken loads to my children about being safe on social media and so have their schools, I’ve also drummed it into them about being aware of their digital footprint and being conscious about how they comment. My children’s accounts are private and they only add the people they know.

I would suggest that you sit down with your child and talk about what is good and bad about social media and why you are concerned about them and their friends being on it. Have a discussion rather than preaching to them. I know it wasn't so ubiquitous, but when I was that age we had phone chatrooms and CB radio. Me and my friends were always on the CB where there were older men who used to talk to us. We never felt threatened, but one of my friends did start dating a man several years older than her, which we felt was wrong. Our mothers used to talk to us about this, woman to woman, and it was a relief to be able to discuss the concerns which we had. Social media is the modern equivalent of that, except that it is much more ubiquitous and dangerous. However, if someone knows how to navigate it and recognise when they need to pull away and does so, they can use it safely. This is what you need to teach your child.