To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

[Yope]

I'm really against it.
He's 13, school year 8.
Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram.
He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age.
The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with.
But he's getting mocked for it by mates.
A lot.
And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM.
I'm not saying never.
I'm just saying not yet.
AIBU?

No but it makes it too damn easy for them.

YANBU at all, OP. Our 17yo and 15yo have never had either of these. Only the 17yo is allowed WhatsApp and the 15yo isn't allowed a smartphone until 16yo.

Here is a report about Roblox and child safeguarding
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2024/oct/15/roblox-allegations-ofcom-online-safety-act
Who here has a child who plays Roblox who is even aware of the risks?

Although he does have some unkind friends. A few of DC's friends don't have any social media like that and don't get made fun of for it. One of my daughter's friends didn't get a phone till Year 11 and is only allowed Whatsapp.

You can set time limits on Tiktok and Snapchat to be honest. And if he only accepts his friends on Snapchat, it is not that bad.

However, it is your decision so could he not just say he doesn't want it? To avoid humiliation from his friends.

Yeah WhatsApp is still a thing "no teen uses WhatsApp" all the teens I know use it 🤷🏻‍♀️

What a stupid reason to allow a teen have sm because everyone else has it!

Snap chat is a blanket no in our house. My 16 yr old doesn't have it.
SC is a shit show. There are no safety features on it. Many are buying drugs on it and it's a bullies dream. Disappearing messages.

I'll be unpopular with my teens for awhile but it's my job to protect them and actually parent them.

Allowing them social media at a very young age teaches them nothing.

Exactly, so at some point it is the job of a parent to teach their child how to identify and block predators.

Yeah Whatsapp is still used by one of my teenage daughters with her friends who don't have/want Snapchat. She's got it downloaded but hates how it works so doesn't use it.

Her twin sister and my 12 year old son do use Snapchat regularly though and Whatsapp really rarely. But they use messages to communicate with non-snap friends. It isn't something people get made fun of for me.

@StressedQueen

Do you check your 12 year old's phone?

Yes occasionally. I know his password but don't really feel the need to check it a lot because he isn't on it that much. But I've looked at his Snapchat and he definitely only has his friends that he knows personally added. I don't allow him to add anyone he doesn't know in person.

Mine got WhatsApp only at 13 and were allowed SC, Insta and TT at 16 but in fact DD has never got either SC or TT, though she did get Insta when she went to uni as most of the clubs etc seem to be organised via Insta. She never posts on it though. She wasn't mocked by her friends, they just used to let her know of anything useful posted on them. DS17 spends too much time on TT but rarely posts on anything. So I do think by holding off they learnt to live without them better than if they'd had free range.

If your son's friends are mocking him then they aren't proper friends. So stick to your guns.

My kids have got both.

Neither is that bothered about them.

They both like to be able to see where their friends are in the world on Snapchat. That seems to be the main function.

Neither uses TikTok loads. Maybe a half hour a day but it’s kind of boring and fake. And so they are both starting to understand that, and turning away from it a bit.

smartphone free childhood sound wonderful in many ways but it’s not a one-way street: my kids are far, far more emotionally clued up and informed than I ever was because they have fingertip access to a world of knowledge and have learned quite early on to filter out the obvious shit.

They are also much more able to be independent in the sense of going anywhere and not getting stranded or lost, and arranging their social lives, concerts, trips to parks, theme parks, etc. 16YO has just started planning a trip to a European capital for a concert with their friends. Has already researched safe areas, transport, etc.

Yeah we managed all this back in the day with landlines and library books etc but it was a bit harder and more effort.

YANBU - mine didn't have either of those at 13.
We've gone for gradual introduction:
Whatsapp at Y7
Instagram at 13
Snapchat at Y10

They don't have tiktok. They really wanted it in Y6 but now aren't bothered, probably because they watch it all on YouTube anyway.

I use family centre on Snap which shows me who my Y10 is messaging. It was a condition of them getting it.

My DS is Y8 nearly 13 we didn't allow SC until end of Y7 but tried it ready for Y8 with the understanding that I read it every night and if he deletes anything he says it gets removed. After an initial flurry it's died down he has lost interest and I am just looking through loads of shote between other kids. That said there is a lot of inappropriate pictures on there. Stuff they get off the Internet. They could easily show it him on their phones so I try to be calm about that. Overall I am not worried we have done it right now but will keep up the checks until when I dont know as at some point I will have to trust him a bit more but right now that feels a few years away.

Ideally, no human with a functioning brain would have "Tik Tok" or "Snap chat."

But he's getting mocked for it by mates. A lot.

Sorry, he's being mocked for not using apps designed for teenage girls...?

The evidence is overwhelming that it is bad for everybody's brains, but particularly those of young people that are still forming.

The tech execs who are behind the design of social media platforms are quite open about not letting their children on it. They know.

just teach your child to use these things sensibly. That is all

Neither of my teens have ever been allowed Snapchat or TikTok. Oldest is 16 and doesn't seem to be a social outcast without these apps.

Stick to your rules as long as possible. You are doing your kids a favour.

And the more you control your DC, the more they will rebel

@FunnysInLaJardin
No. The more you protect your children the safer they will be.

Which is utter luddite nonsense

then we differ, at 13/14 a child needs to be taught, and hopefully has been from a young age how to use the internet safely. They are emerging adults and need autonomy with the appropriate safe guards. Banning them from social media does not do that

I think you are being unreasonable, they all have it. I'm in the 'if I hear the phrase screen time one more time I will spontaneously combust' camp though. I think you are either precious about these things or not and never the twain shall meet so no matter what anyone says on this thread, you think you are right and that's that.

Absolutely agree. DS is 14, almost 15 and is on 1 WhatsApp group which has 8 members all known to me. That's it. He doesn't need anything else. He isn't asking for anything else. SM is an absolute cess pool and the longer he stays away from it the better as far as I'm concerned

@FunnysInLaJardin
Millions of children have not been taught. They are handed phones with no restrictions. And are left to suffer the consequences.

so what consequences have millions of children suffered? None bar the unfortunate few