To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

[Yope]

I'm really against it.
He's 13, school year 8.
Everything in me says don't let him have these yet. Nor Instagram.
He's got WhstsApp. That's enough. He doesn't need social media at his age.
The way I see it is, the more of this stuff they have on their phones , the more they will be exposed to and the more social shit they'll have to deal with.
But he's getting mocked for it by mates.
A lot.
And this morning I saw a message sent from a mutual friend to another mutual friend with a crying laughing emoji and a piss taking comment about my DS not being allowed to have SM.
I'm not saying never.
I'm just saying not yet.
AIBU?

I wouldn't let them anywhere near tiktok or Snapchat. I wish they were both banned.

They start on what’s app because that’s what we all use and then very quickly move to only Snapchat and TT. My son only uses what’s app with his dad and I.

Kids wont choose to use what’s app if they have the others. He is trying his best to communicate with his friends and this is all he has.

So it is true unfortunately. You just aren’t there yet.

Which is just as bad on what’s app. Seriously if you think you are avoiding it by only being on what’s app you really don’t understand what is going on.

This.

No my daughter didn't have either at that age

Started off with social media that I could monitor eg instagram where I reviewed her feed and friends to see output and if she knew them

Gradually backed off

Explained why didn't like Snapchat. Ie disappearing messages re abuse, bullying. Think she got it aged about 15. With many discussions about always being able to share with me

To me it's about monitoring p, risk and rules. The latter, eg access to their account when they are young, are non negotiable

Good luck! It's not easy

Well thats a load of bollocks. Whatsapp is still the most used social media platform for 11 - 20 year olds

I disagree Snapchat is just used by teenage girls. It’s used by teens as a dating app. So both sexes.

I didn’t say they should. I simply said it’s how many, many of them communicate. I’m a secondary teacher. It’s just a fact.

My DC's primary school did a talk to parents about it so I am aware. DD8 plays it on the computer in the living room with us and DH put the settings on to not allow any social communication through it.

This is nonsense.
My son has been added to 4 different WhattsApp groups over the past week that have been newly set up amongst groups of friends and they're all chatting about plans they're making.

My DS is Y9. No SC. No TT.

His friends don't have them either. Just WhatsApp.

They spend their time together either out and about or social gaming, not sitting watching video clips.

And if someone takes the piss out of him for not having social media accounts then they says more about his friends being twats.

Things are changing, but it is taking time. Anyone with teens now is in the peak and the thick of it, and that is why posters are getting so defensive and derogatory about op's perfectly reasonable stance. They can't see how things could be different or a teen could possibly operate without social media.

I do not envy anyone with secondary age kids at this time, but I have little time for those that don't even acknowledge there is a problem with how things are currently. It goes well beyond the most serious abuse cases to the fact that everyone is just becoming more and more addicted to staring at screens (adults included) and it is affecting how the children given phones are developing. It is affecting our teens safety and sex lives as aggressive porn is totally accessible as the norm. How can people not care? This goes beyond just your own child. Those that think sm is a bit of harmless fun are frankly deluded and ill informed. No one will successfully 'learn to manage' these apps, as they are purposefully designed to be addictive and will no doubt become more so.

Many of us have had enough, and things are changing, but it will take time. I have a young tween and am not looking forward to navigating this next stage at all.

I'm confused by people saying children need smartphones and constant access to apps to learn about internet safety and the world though. We started discussing this years ago and will continue to do so whether or not they have a smartphone or the various sm apps. It's possible to have access without having them in your pocket 24/7.

I will certainly be holding off for as long as possible in all areas smartphone related. But we also need to live in the world we're in, so creative solutions and constant open communication is going to be needed. I'm
sure it will be very messy getting through it. But just handing over access is not the answer.

To be clear, it was 1 friend (say friend A) who sent a message to another friend (say friend B) that was taking the piss out of DS for not having SM and doing the predictable 😂
emoji about DS not having TT or SC.
Reason I know about it is because friend B sent a message back to friend A that defended my DS, and then friend B, who I know really well, showed me the text from friend A.
So it's only 1 friend. This particular friend has had TT and SC and Insta since he was 10 years old, so probably does see it as really funny that my DS still doesn't have it at age 13.
But that 1 message has given me an insight into what other kids who have these apps are probably thinking about DS not having them too.
DS says he gets asked by several other friends "Why don't you have SC or TT yet?". DS says they dont say it in a mean or mocking way, but in a confused way, like they just can't understand. This is making DS feel peer pressure, which he admits.
I've been on SC myself to look into it, and the content on the feed that came into my phone screen was 100% inappropriate for any 13 year old. I don't want DS seeing that shit.

It isn’t nonsense if it’s true to someone else. Just because it isn’t your experience doesn’t make it nonsense. Your point is nonsense actually.

Your narrow minded view won’t help you as he gets older and kids use other social media platforms.

'Kids wont choose to use what’s app if they have the others. He is trying his best to communicate with his friends and this is all he has.'
This isn't true to someone else though is it. This is a blanket statement about kids in general which I think is nonsense. The reason I think it's a nonsense statement is because my DS's friends all have SC and TT yet they are ALL setting up WA groups, this week, chatting on them right now as we speak and all making plans together for the day which my DS is part of, he's reading his WA group chat messages beside me, despite the fact that ALL the kids texting on the WA GC as we speak all have SC and TT and Insta.
So the statement is wrong.
And I'm not narrow minded. But I can see that you are.

Why have all his mates got Snapchat? It’s a messaging platform. Maybe they use WhatsApp for your son because they are aware he doesn’t have it.

No not really, I was trying to get you to understand that it isn’t just your view that should be considered.

You have been aggressive, personal and argumentative. The statement isn’t wrong as it’s an opinion. Crack a book and maybe see that opinions aren’t right or wrong. You aren’t right just because that is what you think - but neither am I. Why come on here if you just want to argue with people who don’t see exactly what you see. Also, while you are there why not google TT and SNapchat numbers because of no one is using them then numbers will be low.

Some facts about Snapchat….

17yo DD has full access to her phone, so can use whatever apps she wants. Her and her friends almost exclusively use Whatsapp. They've all got snapchat, and I'm sure they use it occasionally, but for day to day communication ,Whatsapp it is.

I neither agree nor disagree about your SC ban (each to their own) but you can’t base your decision by downloading it to your phone and seeing the feed you get. It’s a far cleverer app than that.

I’m rubbish with tech and don’t know exactly how it works, but it can see all the contacts on your phone. It cross references those contacts against their data in terms of what those contacts look at on their SC feeds and then feeds you similar content. It will do that until you start engaging with the app and then it will learn the stuff that you pause on and rewatch or share and will adapt what it feeds you to make it specific to what you like to watch.

Essentially, you as an adult, will be fed very different content to your 13 year old.

I wouldn’t allow it at that age. One of my sons has very reluctantly just gone on SC and that’s because he’s started Uni and doesn’t want to be out of the loops. 13 is too young, as far as I know your whereabouts are there for everyone to see.

Snapchat is more pictorial. WhatsApp more informative for groups. It depends on your needs in the moment if you're a teenager.

A lot of parents and teaching staff are kicking back.

"5 Steps to Staying Safe on Snapchat Every Parent Should Know - Child Rescue Coalition" https://childrescuecoalition.org/educations/5-steps-to-staying-safe-on-snapchat/

Sheesh

17yo DD has full access to her phone, so can use whatever apps she wants. Her and her friends almost exclusively use Whatsapp. They've all got snapchat, and I'm sure they use it occasionally, but for day to day communication ,Whatsapp it is.

So does mine and she doesn't use WhatsApp at all for her friends, just for her sports team group chat. For her friends they all use instagram messenger.

No, you are being aggressive and personal by calling me narrow minded.
You insulted me in your message.
I am not narrow minded and you have no right to tell me that I am.
You're gaslighting me, because you hurled an insult at me and then when I responded to that insult you've accused me of being aggressive and argumentative.
I know your type.